Do you feel particularly tired after a day's work, with low efficiency and poor mobility, as if you have done nothing and feel exhausted?
Always in a state of anxiety, no goal, easy to give up?
There's a lot of inner drama, procrastination? Always like to over-interpret the behaviors and opinions of people around you?
Are these talking about you? All the above phenomena represent a serious internal friction personality.
What is internal friction?
It is a kind of self-consumption and self-torture similar to rumination, which is harmful to our body and mind.
Psychology's explanation of internal friction is that when we do self-management, we have to consume a lot of psychological energy. When your energy is insufficient, you will feel that everything is out of control and you will feel tired.
What kind of people are prone to internal friction?
1, please enter your personality.
One of the characteristics of this kind of people is that they are always afraid that their words and deeds will offend others and make others unhappy, but they ignore their true feelings.
The person who is really strong inside is the one who can say "no". They always know what they want. Instead of pleasing others and paying attention to their feelings, it is better to put these energies and energies into strengthening themselves, improving themselves and making themselves better and better.
When you are excellent, there will be people with the same frequency as you, people with the same views as you appreciate you, are willing to approach you, and don't need you to please them in every way.
2. Highly sensitive personality
Such people tend to be introverted, sensitive and inferior, and are particularly prone to self-friction. They are always nervous when they go to parties. They don't know how to get along with others and how to show themselves. And they especially want to integrate into the group, and they are particularly nervous and introverted.
People with low self-esteem often set higher goals for themselves, and when they can't reach their goals, they will fall into internal friction.
In this world, it is not others who demand the most from you, but yourself. Let go of the high demands on yourself and try to accept your imperfect self.
How to avoid internal friction?
First, change the way of thinking.
1, "none of my business" and "none of others' business"
In Courage to Be Disliked, psychologist Adler put forward a very effective concept called "topic separation".
Generally speaking, it is to distinguish between what is my business and what is someone else's business.
How others treat you is their business, not yours, but how you treat yourself, how you look at things and how you treat others is your own business, not others'.
My friend wants to borrow money from me. He thinks it's his business, and I don't want to refuse, so it's my business. However, it's his business that he gets angry because I refused afterwards, and I don't need to be responsible for it.
When you can separate the topic, be loyal to your feelings and get rid of other people's expectations, you have already achieved the first step against internal friction.
Children only look at right and wrong, while adults only talk about pros and cons.
Because the world is not black and white, with different positions and interests, what you see is right or wrong. When you encounter some choices that make you sad or tangled, you just need to think about what is good for you.
For example, many girls are apt to quarrel with their mother-in-law and boss.
But actually think about it, arguing with them and winning or losing won't do us any good. We don't quarrel with our mother-in-law because everyone's cognition is not at the same level, and we don't quarrel with our boss because he can directly affect your interests and income.
For another example, every time I encounter something that makes me sad, but it is an established fact, I will think, is it good for me to immerse myself in sadness and trouble and torture myself with emotions?
The answer is no! So it's better to have a beauty sleep, save your strength, get up and make a comeback, clearly understand your past mistakes and ensure that you won't make them again in the future.
Never overestimate yourself and admit that you are an ordinary person.
Many people feel tired because they set their goals too high. After reading a book every day, they lose 20 pounds a week. The louder the voice, the faster they give up.
And I have a clear definition of myself. I am a lazy ordinary person. I stipulate that I only need to read two pages a day, eat and drink recklessly once a week to reward myself, break down the big goals into small goals in stages, and then set some small rewards in stages, so it is not so difficult to stick to it.
Besides, when you really devote yourself to reading, two pages are simply not enough, because when reading becomes your habit, you will find that it is no longer a burden for you.
4. Throw away your weak thinking and pick up positive growth thinking.
In the face of things that look bad for the time being, I don't think about what I have lost, but what I have gained from it. For example, I lost a job, but I gained work experience;
I lost a lover, but the next time love comes, I will learn how to get along better with others and how to establish a correct concept of mate selection.
I didn't come from a good family, and I didn't grow up under the protection of a greenhouse, but the practice of exposure to the sun and rubbing my feet improved my mentality and my ability to live independently. They make my soul stronger, more upright and more powerful.
5. Change what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed.
For example, I am short and fat. I can't change the fact that I am short, but I can change my fat. By changing diet and exercise, I can lose weight healthily. My body proportion looks elongated, so it doesn't look so short visually.
In order to understand this, we pull ourselves out of internal friction and start to act. In the process of changing yourself step by step, this kind of internal friction will disappear bit by bit.
Second, action power.
Many people have internal friction. I remember it because I don't have enough motivation and don't know how to start.
If the company asks you to make an annual summary of professional PPT, it will be difficult for you to think of how to be perfect and let the leaders appreciate it, then you will have no time to start. All you have to do is turn on the computer first, type the first line on the keyboard and say that inspiration and ideas will come;
There are many people who want to lose weight, and I also want to exercise, but I have no motivation at the thought of running and ironing in the gym. So at this time, don't think about how many pounds I lost in a month and how sexy and slim my figure has become, but stand up from your sofa, put on my running shoes and walk out of the room. Do it!
Sometimes, when I write a tweet, I always feel that my thinking is still immature and I don't know how to write it. I just sat down and turned on the computer. From the first sentence or two, I can't stop thinking.
Third, exercise and meditation.
When a person suffers from internal friction, he is nothing more than being very anxious and overly worried about things that have not happened in the future, feeling annoyed and excessively blaming himself for things that have happened in the past. The future and the past are beyond our control or change.
We should learn to bring our thoughts back to the present, and the best way is meditation.
Companies like Fortune 500, such as General Motors and Google, have made mindfulness meditation part of their internal training. Many successful people, including Bill Gates, Jobs and Oprah, are practitioners of mindfulness meditation.
Similarly, when we exercise, the body will release dopamine, which can relieve mood and make people feel happy.
Fourth, stay away from the person who makes you suffer from internal friction.
In our life, we will always meet some people who are full of resentment, cynical and ungrateful to the people around us;
Either haggle over every ounce, or even go to war, leaving no room for others;
Every time I see you, I constantly deny and criticize you. I am not satisfied with anything, like nothing, and find fault with things.
Every time I come into contact with such a person, my mood will be greatly affected and I will fall into deep internal friction. I have to give up when I meet such a person. Being away from people who make you feel internal friction is responsible for your life!
? Write it at the end
The real reason behind internal friction is that you are not confident and strong enough. How to make yourself strong and confident is a long process of accumulation, a process of continuous efforts and energy accumulation.
When you are strong, you will feel that many things can be controlled, and the state of self-consumption will gradually disappear.
Everything that can't kill you will eventually make you stronger! The law of attraction comes from our confident and positive attitude, not waiting for the gift of fate. Because life is an excuse for the weak, and luck is a modest word for the strong.
May each of us get rid of the state of internal friction and devote ourselves to work and study with full motivation!
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? Picture | Network
Author | Mu Mu Xiao Qi