The double spring is very interesting. An actor in front performs actions, and a person hiding behind speaks or sings, and they cooperate with each other, as if the actor in front is singing by himself. Here are some super funny lines I compiled. Welcome to reading.
Super funny double reed lines 1 double reed performance props: a chair, two wireless microphones, an old lady's big jacket, an old lady's hat, a handkerchief, performance words, etc.
A: The Chinese New Year is coming, and the leader arranged for me to perform a program, which really stumped me. Don't ask, it's Yang Zong. Go and sing. You like to be out of tune. Dancing, the movements don't match, and it's not funny when you say acting in a sketch. It took me a long time to come up with a program for a big performance ... (B comes on stage)
B: Hey hey hey! What is a double reed? Do you know what a double reed is?
Do you know much? This does not prevent you from telling everyone what a double reed is.
B: Double spring, that is, "Erhuang egg".
A: You returned two yellow duck eggs! (Laughter) What a mess. Do you know what a double reed is?
Just kidding. In fact, to put it simply, the double reed means that one person speaks in the back and one person plays in the front. You can't say what you want to perform, and you can't say what you want to perform, so that you can "teach by example."
A: Well, after hearing what you said, you really have a lot of knowledge. Why don't we give you a try first?
B: Just try? You talk in the back and I'll play in the front.
A: OK, let's clap our hands. We'll start as soon as you clap your hands.
B: (clapping in the chair)
A: Old lady, I am 63 years old and my weight has exceeded 330. If you want to ask me why I am so heavy, it is not the policy of the * * * production party that makes me drink more and eat more! I won't say anything about the food at noon today. It's really delicious. There are flying in the sky, running on the ground, frying, steaming and roasting, and soon my eyes will be dazzled. Regardless of him, I take a bite of meat, I take a sip of soup, I eat meat, I drink soup, I eat meat.
Treat me like a pig? Come out! (Pull out the nail)
A: Let's do a little experiment first! Look at you. Can you get applause from the audience?
B: Friends, applause, applause. (Raise your hand)
A: Applause sounded, which aroused my surge of emotion. (Laughter) Give everyone a ride! Next, we will give you a serious performance.
This is more like a sentence. I prepared one here. Get familiar with the lyrics, and I'll make up. (Step down to make up)
A: (reciting lyrics) There are many happy events in the Spring Festival. Well, it's really well written ... it's an ancient cultural and artistic performance for spring. It is more difficult than crosstalk, sketch, singing and dancing. This kind of double-reed performance requires both movements and mouths to be in place.
B: (On, shaking all over)
A: Gnome male-female! Aunt, you have come to the wrong place. This is the scene of our party. Are you a guest of our hotel? What projects do you want to spend?
B: The eldest daughter (looking up and down), well, is really handsome.
A: Aunt, I am a man.
B: It's a young man. Am I in the wrong place? Let me ask you something. What floor is the gym in your hotel on? I want to go to the gym! (Doing aerobics: body movements, leaning to A, falling down)
Oh, mom, this is a disaster. Shame, shame, shame, shame ... (Cover your face with a handkerchief)
A: All right, all right. Get up quickly. Let's get started.
B: OK. I sit in the chair, you hide behind the chair, I clap my hands, and let's start. (Take your positions)
There are many happy things in the Spring Festival.
B: Hey hey, I haven't slapped you yet. What's the hurry? Start over.
A: Then hurry up. What are you dawdling about
B: (clapping your hands)
There are many happy events in the Spring Festival, and people all over the country celebrate festivals. This is nonsense!
B: (forced to stop) You are really in charge. Go ahead. (Clap your hands)
There are many happy events in the Spring Festival, and people all over the country celebrate it. Old lady, I'm bleeding heavily today. Go to the hotel and pinch a table. Hey, I heard that the braised mutton in this restaurant is good. Girl, let's start with a box of braised mutton!
Braised mutton served on the table, steaming is really amazing. The nose smells good. The cooking here is really good. Smell ... first (the sound of the smell is continuous)
You want to eat me to death. Eat quickly.
A: Speaking of eating, let's eat. Oh, it's too hot! ..... delicious. Take another bite ... oh, ... take another bite, oh, take another bite, oh, take another bite. ...
B: (The heat is unbearable) Stop, stop ... I don't think you will starve me or burn me. You're not going to end it with me, are you?
A: Please come again. I'll pay attention next time.
B: (clapping your hands)
A: This man always wanted to eat mutton when he was old. He used to eat three meals a day, which was boring! It's all right now. It's served with braised mutton, five in a box, braised mutton, mutton flavor, one box a day, delicious and not dizzy. This braised mutton is delicious and affordable! Especially after eating braised mutton, my back is sore, my back doesn't hurt, and my legs don't cramp. I went up to the sixteenth floor without breathing!
B: No breathing? Why don't you travel?
A: Wrong, wrong, wrong, no trouble.
That's more like it. (Clap your hands)
A: Although my old lady is very old, she is socializing all day. Well, my endocrine is starting to get out of balance. The zits on my face have also grown out. But since we went to the hotel to spend a handful, alas, it is really worthy of our face. I used to worry about dandruff, but since I ate braised mutton, dandruff has disappeared and my hair has become more prominent!
It's good to be a woman and eat braised mutton!
After eating braised mutton, he is good and I am also (shy) ...
B: Stop, stop. Oh, it's really not easy to eat this braised mutton. If we go further, we can get my privacy. ...
You come out.
Party A and Party B: (Party A pulls Party B to bow together)
Don and Li: Today we will give you a performance.
Don: What are we going to perform for you?
Li: Let's show you the double spring!
Don: Double reed? ..... How much is this pair of springs a catty?
Li: Double spring doesn't matter "Jin"!
Don: On the bowl?
Li: Never mind this "bowl"!
Don: What's that about?
Li: Double reed theory "Duan"!
Don: Oh! The first paragraph, then give me the middle paragraph, not the head and tail.
Li: Are you here to buy fish?
Don: Isn't this what you call "Duan"?
Li: The double reed I'm talking about is an ancient form of folk art, that is, two people perform, one in front and the other in the back, and the two people cooperate tacitly, just like one person.
Don: Oh! I see. I see. So who is playing in front and who is talking in the back?
Li: Of course, you play in the front and I'll talk in the back.
Don: Then why?
Li: The top management are all acting in front. Besides, you see how beautiful this young man is. Andy Lau on the left, Chow Yun Fat on the right, yellow and red in front, and then Guo Da.
Don: Is anyone here? All right, all right, stop praising me and start!
Li: Then let's get started! !
Don: Go!
Don: (walking behind) Hello, teachers and students. I am a freshman. I am twelve years old. At school, I am the youngest generation with the lowest qualifications, the lowest education and the worst level. The people in the audience are all my elders. This is my eldest brother, this is my elder sister, this is my third aunt, this is my fourth uncle, and this is my second mother.
Li: Come out, come out!
Don: What's wrong?
Li: The whole school is looking for Grandpa!
Don: It's obvious that you are modest as a freshman!
Li: Is it so modest? No matter how modest you are, you will be my father. Is there anything good?
Don: Yes! Let's talk about your day at school.
Li: OK, let's get started!
Don: OK! Get up when the bell rings, get dressed, tie your shoelaces and exercise. This is the most important thing. I ran to the playground first. Run, run, I run, I run in step, I run backwards, (pause) run, go back to my room, tidy up the room, I wash my face first, then brush my teeth, I bring a big tooth jar first, I squeeze the toothpaste brush ... Poof!
End: (pats) You come out!
Li: What's wrong with me?
Don: You made me leak.
Li: Nonsense! Who made you work so hard?
Don: There is nothing like you. I've been tortured for a long time, and I'm hungry. Should we have dinner?
Li: All right! As soon as the dinner bell rang, all the students went to the canteen, and the food was good. I don't like a pot of braised pork ribs, but I don't like big fish and big meat. I came first with a Chinese cabbage, which is rich in nutrition. I ate this and that. I ate this and that. I ate this and that. I ate this and that.
Don: Come out! I said you were wicked, not wicked. I don't eat big fish and meat. I eat cabbage. I am a rabbit. Is there anything good? The 90th anniversary of the founding of the Party, something lively?
Li: All right! Party building, party building, party building is very lively. How spectacular the military parade is, the mass parade is more joyful, and the party is really wonderful, which makes my heart itch. Teacher Du, it's thoughtful of you to share firecrackers. There are so many kinds of firecrackers. I'll start with an "Angge", yi … yi, bang … dong! Ah! That's fun! That's fun! I want another drink, bang ... bang. Don: I'm only happy if you want to blow me up! ! ! ! ! ! !
Li: I didn't know firecrackers were wet.
Tang: The amateur cultural life in our school is very rich. Are we going to perform for the students?
Li: Good! After dinner, I went back to the dormitory, had a good time in cultural activities, played gongs, drums and horns, and I could also play karaoke. I can sing anything happily on the stage. Hebei Bangzi plus Tang opera, I am best at jumping from the blue. I am so happy today. ) We in No.8 Middle School are so happy today. We went on stage to entertain the party. Whether we are teachers or students, we are all brothers. Where do I play in front? He said in the back, the silly boy in front is getting tired. I'm very happy to perform here. I will dance until at least eight o'clock in the evening ... I will bang ... oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Li: (Pulling Don out) No!
Finally, I wish you all:
Don: Smooth sailing, two dragons playing with pearls.
Li: It is healthy all the year round.
Don: Five children got into this subject, and six of them were excellent.
Li: The seven stars are shining high, and the winds are pleasant everywhere.
Don: Nine turns were successful, perfect.
Li and Tang: Thank you! !
Stand still (salute)
Introduction of Super Funny Double Spring Line 3: First of all, as soon as I take the stage, I will send my most sincere wishes to all audience friends, teachers and students. I wish you all smooth sailing, double happiness in the new year, three sheep opening Thailand, peaceful seasons, exquisite Five Blessingg, smooth June 6, seven stars shining high, money coming from all directions, ninety-nine concentric. This is perfect, Pepsi, everything goes well.
Then the next thing we bring to you is a double spring that we created originally. It turns out that the name of Shuanghuang is "I want to jump off a building". Do you like my program? If you like it! Everybody give encouragement, encourage!
Later, when performing the double spring, I said in the back that my partner was playing in front, hey! It looks like a person from a distance, which requires a very tacit cooperation between two people. Huh? You asked where my partner was, hi! He is dressing up backstage now. Ladies and gentlemen, isn't there a saying in China that a man should dress his horse with a saddle? He is not beautiful unless he is angry. After this man gets angry, look at my partner who looks like the Seven Fairies. Ouch! There he is, everybody! Yo! How to look like a monkey! It is better not to be scolded! All right! Cut the gossip! Next, please enjoy the original double reed "I want to jump off a building" that we brought you!
A: I want to jump off a building and settle my grievances once and for all. Hey! Attention, all units, stay away. If you take one more step, I'll jump off the building!
Don't do anything stupid. Do you have any bad feelings? Do we have to jump off a building?
Nonsense, what do you mean by stubborn? I chose to jump off a building because I am open-minded. If I can't calm down, I'll lie on the tracks!
B: it's better to jump off a building!
What did you say?/Sorry? You can't play tricks. If you come any closer, I'll jump from the upstairs at once. Before I jump off the building, I want to eat two fried dough sticks, and I'd better have a bowl of soybean milk.
You're going to eat the last supper!
A: Nonsense, my name is The Last Breakfast!
What do you call it "the last breakfast"?
Answer: What you eat before you die at night is called "the last supper", so what you eat before you die in the morning is naturally called "the last breakfast"! I'm going to start dancing after I'm full. Standing on the roof, I looked at the crowd in the dark and remembered that I had a serious fear of heights. I was pale and trembling with fear, unable to speak or walk. It suddenly occurred to me that there is an 8-year-old mother and a 60-year-old son at home. Who will take care of them when I die? At this time, I am on the verge of death. Should I jump? Please answer!
You whetted our appetite! If you die, die quickly. You jump, I can get off work!
A: I won't jump if you ask me to. If you don't tell me to jump, I'll jump, and if I say jump, I'll jump! If you come any closer, I'll really jump! Let me jump rope first! Jump, jump, jump, kitten, kitten, meow!
(Walking out of the front desk) A: Come out! Do you want me to jump or not? Here it is. Where is that silly boy?
B: OK, OK! Jump now!
A: My mood suddenly calmed down, because I remembered the five strong men of Langya Mountain, who even dared to jump off a cliff. What am I afraid of with these floors? I take a deep breath and I jump. ...
B: Yeah! You are serious! You really know how to jump!
At this time, I am like an arrow, straight into the ground, without any sound, so successful, so perfect! The onlookers were dumbfounded! Hey! I'm fine! Who pushed me down just now! It's a miracle that I'm alive! At this moment, a weak voice came from under my body. Help! Who dragged me to jump off a building with him? I'm a meat pad! I didn't mean to jump off the building! What will you do if you don't jump off a building? I just saw my shoelaces loose. I bent down to tie them!
B: Come out!
A: That's it!
H: thank you!
Super funny double reed lines 4 ironic double reed lines: two-faced people
Character: Moderator (female)
Double reed actors a and b
Moderator: Today, we are fortunate to have invited two artists, xx and xx from the State Taxation Bureau of xx District. Let's give them warm applause!
(A goes on stage, bows to the audience, and B speaks backstage)
B: Hello, leaders, distinguished guests and audience! Here, on behalf of both of us, I wish you good health and smooth work, and wish the national tax cause smooth sailing!
Moderator: Hey? Why are you alone? Where's your partner xx?
Isn't he here? (Point to the ground, point to yourself)
Moderator (looking around): No?
Isn't he talking to you all the time?
Compere: Tell me about it? You are kidding!
(b goes on stage and talks while walking)
Haven't I been talking to you?
Moderator: Oh, I dare say you have been talking to everyone!
A: well, the so-called double reed means playing in front by one person.
B: A man said in the back:
A: In order to be perfect,
B: You have to be alone.
A: We have worked together for so long that I am the one who appears at the front desk.
B (running after A): I had a quarrel backstage.
Moderator: Oh, what programs have you brought today?
B: What we bring to you is the newly created double spring-double-faced man. Ladies and gentlemen in the audience, it's up to you whether to give applause or not.
Moderator: Huh? We need applause before we start. Come on, let's cheer them up! (Applause)
All right! Next, please enjoy two-faced people! (under the host)
Who am I? You don't need to introduce me. I thought everyone called me Minister Liu, and no department was just looking for something. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't found anything worthy of this title all year round. I am going to perform this year. Kiss up and give RMB as a gift; If I want to make my superiors happy, I have to send dollars, dollars! One thousand, two thousand, three or four thousand, five thousand, six thousand, seven or eight thousand, nine thousand, ten thousand, eleven thousand and twelve thousand. ...
Hey, are you finished? There are still 10 thousand? Is there such a saying?
Don't you like counting money? Then I'll let you have the majority.
A: That's not like you! Don't talk nonsense Go ahead.
Ask me where I got so much money, because others generally honor me, ah! Ask me if I'm afraid of taking so much money. Kong said it well: How can we often walk by the river without getting our shoes wet? I washed my feet because my shoes were wet. Because I washed my feet, I just took a shower. Hmm? Not good! There's movement! Put the money in the safe first. (Make an action to open the safe, and then I feel very proud) This is my savings for many years, including gold bars, silver bars, copper bars, and-fried dough sticks. ...
I am a principled person, and no matter how strong the dragon is, it can't beat my local strongmen; I go to which hill to sing which song, and people who beg me tremble when they see me. When I saw the leader, he bowed his head and became Premier Liu. This is really Cui Yongyuan's show-tell the truth! I tell you, I am very modest to call our leader. When I talk about it, I really have a phone call to make. What is the excuse? Then I will say hello to our leader's mother!
Hey! Hey, hey! General manager Wu? Wu Jingli, do you know who I am? I don't recognize it! Oh, dear! Ouch! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
A: Don't ouch! What kind of bird is this?
General manager Wu! How forgetful you are! I am "Luo Guo", that is, Xiao Liu from the troubleshooting department. General manager, I didn't have anything else to call today, just to say hello to the old lady. How is her health? Huh? All right! Oh! Hmm! Mm-hmm Mm-hmm. ..........
A: Come out! Boy! What are you doing here? Start over!
B: OK, OK! Start over!
General manager Wu! What I don't have today is to give you some advice! I hope you should pay attention to your health. For the sake of our socialist cause, you must cherish your health and don't treat it as a joke. Every time I see your haggard face, my face is sad and my heart is painful. You always do things with high standards, strict requirements and seriousness. There is nothing to "hang up".
A: Stop, stop, wait a minute. When you come out, are you still naked? That's called being meticulous. No cultural intention at all.
Thank you! I accept it with an open mind. I will definitely read more books and study hard to ensure that I will never show that kind of uncultured "broken" again!
General manager, I must keep in mind your "hum" teaching. You are always so approachable when you speak. What is "kissing" others? No, it's not a kiss, it's a matter, it's a matter of Wu, it's a matter of treating people with things, Wu Jingli is so silent, oh! It's humor! General manager Wu, do you think I have a share in the advanced selection at the end of this year? I didn't mean anything by it! I listen to Mr. Wu best and understand his difficulties best. If Mr. Wu lets me get what I want, I will get it. Teacher Wu makes me unhappy, but I still want to. Ah! Oh, dear! Thank you, General Manager Wu! Mr. Wu pays great attention to his health. Comrade Lenin said it well! No rest, no entertainment, no entertainment, no work. General manager Wu! Think about winning the bid trading dance, tired or not, think about mahjong "seven small pairs"; Thank you for your concern, Mr. Wu. Goodbye, Mr. Wu. Hang up now! Ah ah ah! Bah, what leaders are not interesting at all. After taking my money, I turned and left. I spent the 5 yuan I borrowed last time in a nightclub, and I haven't paid it back yet! I want to see his performance. If I'm rated as advanced, forget it. If I am not rated as advanced! I'll show you my strength. I will break you into a comminuted fracture, and I will beat you into a child.
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