Wukong: Never call the teacher! The title of "teacher" used to be sacred, but now prostitutes call their clients "teachers". You'd better change your name and call me "Great Sage".
Bingbing: OK. Mr. Great Sage, at the beginning of Journey to the West, you were born as a fairy stone. Is it true?/You don't say.
Wukong: This is a lie. It's a lie made up by ignoring the minimum common sense of biology and physiology. Think about it, how can a well-informed stone become life? ..... To tell you the truth, my father's name is Li Gang.
Bing Bing: Li Gang?
Wukong: Yes. He hasn't appeared yet, but I know that he has been quietly protecting and promoting me. Without any qualifications, I was appointed as Bi Marvin; In the case that I ate a flat peach, made a scene in heaven, and broke countless cultural relics and artifacts, I was sentenced to 500 years in prison without any civil liability, serving my sentence in a scenic spot famous for paradise and enjoying five-star service, which actually protected me. You might as well compare it. Pig's sin is much lighter than mine. He just molested Chang 'e after drinking, but was "beaten with two thousand hammers" by the Jade Emperor, and was demoted to Shu Ren from the position of Marshal Tian Peng, a senior official at the ministerial level. Someone secretly tampered with and modified the time node and program code of pig reincarnation, which led to sow fetal error, first-class disfigurement and lifelong disability. Let's compare Friar Sand, who was originally a shutter general who worked around the core of leadership. Just because I accidentally broke the glass lamp at the cricket peach party, I was beaten by the jade emperor and was relegated to the lower bound, and it became like this. He also teaches to wear a flying sword every seven days. He is "afraid of the rest of the party" ... hungry and cold ... "
Bing Bing: This is simply inhuman ravages!
Wukong: Yes. Because their father's name is not Li Gang, although the crime is minor, it will be severely punished according to law.
Bing Bing: Bi is a small official. Does he take care of you, too
Wukong: I misunderstood this at first. Bi Marvin is an idle job. You know, the gods in the sky are all walking on clouds. Take me for example. I can do somersaults, and a somersault is 108,000 Li. Who can ride a horse? Therefore, there is no need for this department to exist at all, and it belongs to the most boring and marginalized institution in heaven. But why should such an institution be established? Mainly to arrange the children and relatives of leaders at all levels, most of whom are uneducated guys. Such non-working departments will not make mistakes, as long as they don't make mistakes, they have reason to be promoted! In this way, on the one hand, they will get exercise, on the other hand, they will make friends with each other, establish a circle of powerful people and become a member of vested interests. I didn't understand the significance of this arrangement at first, so I left in a rage.
2010-12-412:10 reply
Zhuo Yue ant
2 15 vermicelli
second floor
Bingbing: When you held high the banner of "Monkey King", the Jade Emperor sent heavenly soldiers and generals to arrest you, but they couldn't help you. Strangely, Wang Lingguan, the assistant of the sage and the true king, is just a sergeant on guard, but he fights with you. Why?
Wukong: There are many reasons. Why did Li Tianwang let djinn be the pioneer first, and then let Nezha fight with me? The purpose of this arrangement is to set off Nezha's greatness through the failure of the giant spirit god. In the future, Li Tianwang can promote his son and let him be his successor. In this case, if any mountain soldier behaves worse than Nezha, he will have a hard time with Li Tianwang, that is, tear down Li Tianwang's platform! Besides, in heaven, corruption is rampant, and almost all official positions are bought with money. These people often eat, drink, gamble and fish in the village to get their money back. Where can they have fighting capacity?
Han Bing: What did you think when the Jade Emperor admitted that you were the "Great Sage of the Monkey"?
Wukong: I thought it was a big official at first, but later I realized that it was just the first clap of the party and equivalent to the chairman of the CPPCC. Every time the Jade Emperor makes an important speech, he smiles adoringly, clapping his hands constantly, and his hands often swell up ... Damn it, that kind of bitterness, alas, forget it. If I had known it was this, I wouldn't have thought it was "the Monkey King".
Bing Bing: Nowadays, management textbooks regard assigning you to see the Flat Peach Garden as a classic case, and think that absolute power will inevitably lead to absolute corruption. Do you think you should be responsible for the disappearance of this precious flat peach?
Wukong: This is a great injustice! Or, this is a big conspiracy: why did they send me to see the flat peach garden when the flat peach was about to mature? Why build the Monkey Palace at the right end of Flat Peach Garden? Is it just a coincidence that these time nodes are so clever?
Bingbing: Can you elaborate?
Wukong: OK. 3600 flat peaches, front 1, 200. After three thousand years of cooking, people become immortal and have a light constitution. Among them, 1200 strains matured in 6000 years. When people eat Xia Ju, they can fly high and live forever. There are 1200 plants in the back, which were cooked in 9000. People eat it, life is like heaven and earth, and the sun and the moon are the same. These flat peaches claim to belong to all the immortals and people in the sky, but in fact they are only for a few people to enjoy. Not to mention this, we might as well calculate that there are 3600 flat peach trees, each with at least 100, and hundreds more. Even the lowest 100, there are 360,000 flat peaches. I eat 10 at most a day, and it takes 36,000 days to eat it all. And it took me a long time to think of eating peaches, and even if I did, it was "once every three to five days." How can you eat all the flat peaches?
2010-12-412:11reply
Zhuo Yue ant
2 15 vermicelli
second floor[British English]; third floor[American English]
Bing Bing: Yes, this is a bit strange!
Wukong: That's the problem. Someone knew that I would steal flat peaches, deliberately put me there, and even built the Great Sage House in Qitian, repeatedly stressing the health care function of flat peaches to me. Isn't that strange? The purpose is very simple, that is, to induce me to eat flat peaches, and then they can steal more flat peaches freely and put all the responsibility on me. What poison is this! This is why big corrupt elements like to employ small corrupt elements. It's all my fault, because I was too nervous and didn't calculate well, so I fled in a hurry and took the blame. Besides, there is a big conspiracy hidden inside!
Bingbing: What?
Wukong: Things are rare. Once the flat peach was eliminated, other health-preserving varieties soared and lost the competitive pressure. Therefore, I often can't help but think of the old man who was an alchemist-Laojun. His demand for Dan medicine is unprecedented, which is much crazier than Garlic You Malicious, Ginger Your Army, Bean You Play, Sugar Emperor and Apple What, and he has successfully achieved the overall listing.
2010-12-412:11reply
Zhuo Yue ant
2 15 vermicelli
Fourth Floor
Bing Bing: You Monkey King Thrice Defeats the Skeleton Demon, your master "never wants you to be an apprentice again" and even vowed to fall into "nose hell". Do you think the master is too hard on you?
Wukong: That's what I thought at first. But now I figured it out. He is in trouble. Bai is a grassroots goblin with no background, and the goblins behind him basically have a strong background. Once this is done, the wrong number will offend the backstage boss, and my master will get more than one bargained for. Difficult! In that heartless way, he told me that all evil and arrogant demons have deep backgrounds and should learn to compromise. Anti-corruption, like controlling housing prices, is pole dancing for people who don't know the truth. Can't do too much. Alas, Datian is actually a triad society: whenever my golden cudgel is raised for execution, different senior officials always jump out and shout, "Great Sage, forgive me, that's my man!" " "Even the evidence of a crime must disappear." Great Sage, that baby belongs to my family! "There are many people whose father is Li Gang, and I am often speechless.
Bingbing: What do you think of those goblins and monsters?
Wukong: goblins basically have backgrounds, and monsters are basically grassroots. Moreover, many monsters are not monsters at all, some are farmers who have been driven out because of demolition, and some have become ferocious and like monsters because of long-term consumption of toxic food and genetically modified food. People in heaven will not become monsters if they eat special food every day. At most, you will become a demon because of bad intentions and too many evil spirits. However, heaven often demonizes those right people and then kills them in the name of fighting evil and eliminating the unstable factors in heaven.
2010-12-412:11reply
Zhuo Yue ant
2 15 vermicelli
Fifth Floor
Bingbing: Many people don't understand that your "wishful gold hoop" weighs 13500 kg. Why can so many goblins and monsters be easily blocked with one weapon?
Wukong: Alas, that weight is unreal. It is the data given by the Dragon Palace Statistics Bureau. Think about it. Is the data of the Bureau of Statistics true except the date? In addition, the so-called "Ruyi Golden Hoop" is actually a mold for refining steel bars. In order to embezzle the funds of the construction project, the construction department of the Dragon Palace pulled down the steel bars according to this template, which "went up to thirty-three days and went down to eighteen layers of hell", so that I pulled out the golden hoop and the whole Dragon Palace trembled. I ate too much kickbacks myself, and put all the projects down to that level. I am speechless.
Bingbing: There is a phenomenon that I really don't understand. When you met monsters, you reported yourself many times, saying that you were the Monkey King who made havoc in heaven 500 years ago. Why are those monsters not only not afraid, but even more arrogant?
Wukong: Yes, this question has been bothering me for a long time. After I came back from the Buddhist scriptures, I flipped through the past newspapers and found a report about my troubles in heaven, before I understood the truth. It was reported in the newspaper on the day of the havoc in Heaven: As soon as Huaguoshan claimed to be a mental patient in the Monkey King, everyone claimed to be "the Monkey King". This person often robs pedestrians' property, molests women, and also occupies the road to operate, disrupting the order of the city and causing strong dissatisfaction among the people in the sky. Based on humanitarian considerations, the relevant departments of Paradise organized the old ladies of neighborhood committees to do their ideological work for many times, but the dissuasion was ineffective. Then, Erlang Shen, the captain of the urban management team, personally went to do the persuasion work. Unexpectedly, mental patients actually fought with the people's good urban management. Erlang's fine dog can't bear it. He took a bite on his calf and pulled it down. Other urban management team members swarmed and sent the mentally ill to the shelter. People in the sky beat gongs and drums and sent flowers and banners to the urban management brigade, praising them as the patron saints of people in the sky. ...
Bing Bing: What do you think of this report?
Wukong: Damn it, history is written by winners, it's true. If I had known that those goblins saw the report like this, I wouldn't even mention the incident of causing havoc in heaven.