Recently, with my posting on various platforms, many people I don't know have added my WeChat, some are communicating, and some are talking with tree holes.

Yes, I am the tree hole.

The protagonist of this story is a middle-aged man, born in rural areas, who graduated from college and took an examination of civil servants in government departments in second-tier cities, and got married and had children there.

After years of hard work, both husband and wife were promoted to leadership positions in the unit. Two like-minded people often exercise and travel together after their son is in high school, and the family is happy.

When his father died eight years ago, he took his mother from his hometown to live with him. My mother is strong and talkative. With the support of her daughters, she often tells her daughter-in-law what to do and says behind her back that her daughter-in-law is not.

Daughter-in-law is introverted, with high academic qualifications and strong working ability. As the top leader in the unit, she is used to being respected by subordinates, and naturally she is not used to being suppressed inexplicably at home. Since then, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been tense.

He said that he had become a mouse in a bellows: both ends suffered indignities.

This year's Spring Festival, because the nanny dumped leftovers, she was scolded by her mother. Daughter-in-law couldn't stand quarreling with the nanny, which triggered a war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Alarmed several sisters to participate in the war: scold the daughter-in-law one by one.

The angry daughter-in-law gave him an ultimatum: "Either your mother moves out or I move out."

He asked me, "Is my daughter-in-law going too far?"

I replied, "What do you think?"

As an outsider, I don't want to draw a conclusion without knowing the truth, and isn't this also during the Spring Festival?

Life is like a play, I only know the beginning of the story, and the ending of the story is not what I can guess.

After a while, he said:

"I know my mother has a lot of problems, selfish, talkative, disrespectful, and doesn't treat nannies like people. My wife hates it.

It's not easy for my wife these years. My mother often says that my wife is not good in front of my sisters. They have great opinions about my wife and often sneer at her. My wife has been putting up with it for me.

But my sister and I both think that my mother has only one son, and it is natural for her to follow her son. My wife doesn't think so. She thinks that my mother is not an only child, and my sister and they also have the responsibility to take care of her.

Besides, my mother always thought she was bad. She said that since both of them are unhappy together, why not live with her happy daughter! "

"Later, we had a cold war for more than a month. Finally, my wife decided not to embarrass me and moved out by herself. I know that if she really moves out, my marriage will come to an end. When we rarely met, this family business also made her get twice the result with half the effort. She really didn't do anything wrong. I told her not to move out and give me time to communicate with my three sisters. "

"Elder sister is more accommodating and agrees that my mother will take turns to live with several siblings. The second and third sisters are both department-level leaders. They have been excellent in school and work since childhood and have always been strong. They began to firmly disapprove of my mother moving out.

I have always obeyed Nuo Nuo in front of them, but if I don't insist this time, I will sacrifice my family for my stupid filial piety.

I told them to agree if they didn't agree, or my family would be separated. "

Finally, he sent his mother to his eldest sister's house and went to his second sister's house two months later.

The old lady with a strong personality and the idea of "a secure old age" has almost gone to any home.

The two directors who have been showing their sisters-in-law's faces are exhausted by their mothers.

In order to put pressure on my brother and be good to my sister-in-law, I want her to nod and send the old lady back to my brother's house quickly.

My sister-in-law just won't let go. It's easier to ask God than to send him away. I guess she has a lingering fear.

So the male reader asked me, "You have written many articles about marriage and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The analysis is thorough. Do you have any good ideas? "

2.

What can I do to solve this eternal problem? Moreover, every mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have different personalities, just as no leaf is the same.

There are no templates, teaching materials and instructions for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Whether the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is harmonious depends entirely on fate and luck. Just like marriage, if you meet the right person, you will be stable for many years.

How many of my beautiful marriages in the eyes of the world ended in singing? The article says: the relationship between mother and child, mother and daughter is blood relationship, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is social relationship.

Imagine, what kind of social relationship is not maintained by both sides?

Nobody wants to stick a hot face on a cold ass forever. I'm afraid I'll stick it out to the end. I didn't stick the other person's ass hot, my heart is already cold!

It is not easy to warm a cold heart again.

Every daughter-in-law enters the door with the heart of being a good daughter-in-law. Why did she become an evil daughter-in-law in the eyes of all relatives and friends?

Literary point of view: "How is a bad wife made?"

Almost all because I met a group of pig teammates, plus some pig teammates' god assists! Slow is ten years, fast is three or five years, and a bad wife is born.

The male reader who left me a message is a pig teammate.

Why?

Behind every family with a tense relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there must be an inactive hero, or once inactive.

The male reader also admitted that he had been asking his wife to make way for his mother for many years, which encouraged her arrogance.

When several sisters accused his wife, he just muddled along, never communicated with his sister, and was completely digested by his wife.

His sisters lack a sense of boundaries and interfere in the internal affairs of their younger brothers all the year round, worthy of the name.

In the end, even his own dragon gate was kicked down: where there is oppression, there is resistance.

His wife shouted when the hormone secretion of menopause was disordered.

Finally, the old lady stirred up four houses.

3.

"All happy families are similar, and each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" is also true in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Over the years, I have observed that the harmonious families around my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have one thing in common: First, the economic conditions or power of men have an overwhelming advantage at home; The second is a teammate who exists like a god.

I have a friend whose uncle is the head of a government department. Almost all the children of her seven or eight aunts work with the help of their uncles, and aunts never dare to say no to their mother-in-law.

She once witnessed her aunt's mother-in-law reprimanding her aunt, who was passive to Nuo Nuo and Nuo Nuo, and cried as soon as she went out.

When I was wronged by my aunt, my aunt said a word: eating people is soft, taking people soft.

Every time her relatives come to visit, they will make some demands. The old lady sees everything, but she is not arrogant.

I met her uncle and pig teammate. She never took sides for her wife. She looked like "I got the word, my mother got the day", and the old lady wouldn't take her daughter-in-law seriously.

After enduring for twenty years, the old lady finally ascended to heaven, and her aunt was depressed for a long time, which led to many operations for breast diseases.

Uterine fibroids, breast diseases and emotions have a great relationship, which is not enough to describe here.

Some rich straight men have completely crushed their wives economically, and their wives dare not challenge his bottom line. They will naturally try to be filial to their mother-in-law according to his preferences.

What a basket of money can't solve, then two baskets.

To tell the truth, it is barely acceptable to solve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law with power and money. After all, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are social relations, and all social relations can be managed.

"If you want to wear a crown, you must bear its weight", which is probably the same reason.

One of my favorite authors wrote an article, "Everything in the world is exchange. What do you want to trade with God? " ? This paper quotes a famous sentence by Canadian writer Montgomery in Anne of Green Gables: No matter what the world takes, it will pay a price.

Both money and power can help mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live in harmony, which is equivalent exchange. In the world, there are more couples who pay off their mortgages and work hard together. You want to be a daughter-in-law, a passive and resigned mother-in-law. What did you get?

Few husbands can understand this truth, and no mother-in-law can understand this truth.

4.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in 1930s, 40s and 1950s was really difficult to get along with. In this era, almost all mothers-in-law think that their daughter-in-law has admired her son.

Even if Lin Chi-ling is her daughter-in-law, these mothers-in-law are rich and attractive, with high academic qualifications and good personalities. In her eyes, they are also crooked.

In Ode to Joy 2, Andy threatened her future mother-in-law to engage in financial sniper warfare in order to stop Mrs. Bao from digging three feet to check the background, causing her to lose 10 million times an hour.

Mrs. Bao asked Bao Yifan angrily, "Does she still want to go into Bao's house?"

Bao Yifan replied to his mother: "Jiabao is a fart in her eyes!" "

When Mrs. Bao asked him if he cared about Andy, he said, "In the eyes of the Bao family, I am nothing!" " "

I often hear the old ladies who obviously only have a few broken tile-roofed houses talking about "Our X family ..." Every day, they insist on treating several tile-roofed houses as halls of fame and imagining a truly humble family as prominent. This is really interesting.

It never occurred to me that her daughter-in-law was just carried away by love and married her son, which is not surprising. These are nothing in her eyes.

My mother is also from this era. Fortunately, I have never heard her say, "Our X family ..."

My grandfather came back from Nanyang. He was a rare well-trained Chinese medicine practitioner nearly a hundred years ago and a local famous doctor recorded in local historical materials.

Because of overseas Chinese leaders, our entire enclosure is a provincial cultural relic, which may be nothing in my mother's eyes, but only in my father's eyes.

My mother has two sons and four assists. She really works hard at educating children.

Thanks to the credit, she is like Lafayette at ordinary times and has as many problems as the old lady.

Fortunately, the daughters have lived with their mother-in-law for a long time and finally understand her mother-in-law's temperament.

My sister's mother-in-law is a famous good person, and their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have never blushed.

Big sister is busy with her work, and surgeons are characterized by being quick, impatient and careless. According to my decades of observation, as long as she is not provoked, she is definitely a good comrade!

I don't know if being angry will upset me. Of course, we dare not try.

Mother-in-law is an older generation of intellectuals with a gentle personality and hard work. In the past, other old ladies took their grandchildren under the big banyan tree and beside the square, and their mother-in-law was teaching their grandchildren Tang poetry and Song poetry, pi and equations.

She regards her eldest sister as her daughter, appreciates her daughter-in-law and is proud of her. My sister respects her and loves her. According to her, she decided to get married because she secretly loved her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law didn't let her down.

Our brothers and sisters also respect our mother-in-law.

So this god-like vice captain set an example. If my Lafayette and my daughter-in-law have a little conflict, there is no need to do it yourself. Tell the captain that she will take care of Lafayette at once. The lack of food, the withdrawal of the nanny, the payment of the key to the son's house and so on. , make galeries lafayette completely lost his temper.

The elder sister has a famous saying: "You have to interfere in internal affairs unless you are humble and throw enough money to make people lose their temper."

Our four gods helped each other, and when we found that we had no strength, we shut up and waited on them.

Keeping your mouth shut and holding your legs (as an errand boy) is the golden rule of big sister. If you want to speak at your mother's house, first look at your contribution to her house, which is so great that her daughter-in-law loses her temper.

Otherwise, who are you? After years of aid to Africa, has China interfered in other countries' internal affairs? number

I have a friend who has served my in-laws for decades. After the death of the two old people, she didn't keep in touch with the second and third sisters. The only one who kept in touch was the eldest sister.

I asked her why she only bought my elder sister's account. She said, "She is the only elder sister who hasn't told me what to do. She really loves my children. I'm not a person who doesn't know right from wrong. I don't stop my husband and my sisters from going out, and I don't hate them, but I don't forgive them. "

She raised her three children by herself. When her in-laws were young, she helped her daughter with the children. She was sent home when she was old. Her two sisters often come to get things, which annoys her.

And a friend who believes in Christianity. After her mother-in-law died, she cried in front of me and said, "I'm a little happy that my mother-in-law died, and the Lord won't forgive me ..."

She felt happy not because her mother-in-law finally died, but because her great little sister-in-law had no excuse to make trouble at home, and she could finally get rid of her.

5.

Qi Yuan, my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, said I couldn't finish it for days and nights. Some readers left a message backstage, asking me to write more positive reports about my mother-in-law.

Nietzsche said: If you stare at the abyss for too long, the abyss will stare back at you. I understand this.

However, the truth of everything will not disappear because of concealment. Similarly, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not be discordant because of your deliberate praise.

I am responsible for every word I write. The purpose of writing is to objectively state the facts and explain the truth through the facts. Instead of singing hymns blindly and calling for love affectedly. Calling for thousands of years, has the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law improved? number

So, based on respect for the facts, I replied to this middle-aged male reader:

"The core relationship of family is the relationship between husband and wife. No other relationship, including parent-child relationship, mother-child relationship and other kinship, can override the relationship between husband and wife.

If there is an emotional foundation between husband and wife and there are no other contradictions, you can find a house near your home for your mother to live in, instead of kidnapping your wife morally under the banner of filial piety.

If your wife didn't make other mistakes in principle, you didn't disagree, and the relationship between husband and wife is still deep, just because the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law broke up, can you guarantee that the next wife won't have conflicts with your mother? As for other sisters, if they are happy, they will associate more, and if they are unhappy, they will associate less. Your wife is someone who will live with you for life. "

Unfortunately, I didn't simply make peace, because I knew it wouldn't work and wouldn't solve the problem. I can't insult his wife's IQ, the head of a government department.

As the saying goes, "A leopard cannot change his spots." I don't even believe that an old man in his seventies and eighties will change his personality overnight. How can the daughter-in-law in charge believe it?

Didn't she put forward self-reliance after weighing the pros and cons after eight years of struggle? How desperate she is to demand independence at the expense of marriage.

Because she knew that the old lady would make as much noise as possible when she returned to her son's house. Moreover, she is about to enter menopause and can't stand the toss.

However, her husband and sisters naively believe that the mother learned a lesson after living in her daughter's house and dared not make mistakes. No! She will only think that she will go out for a holiday in the future, and her son and daughter-in-law will take her back three months later.

At this time, there is no turning arrow before opening the bow.

Who says a bowl of soup is unfilial? Is it stipulated by law? You must be tied together to break the larger foe to be filial. Are you stupid?

Middle-aged readers who understand it, after consulting with their sisters, the old lady is still at the eldest daughter's house. I'll see if she wants to be with the nanny next to her son's house again.

6.

Readers who are used to happy endings may not be satisfied with this ending. Sorry, I respected the objective facts and didn't deal with the ending of the story.

If I modify the ending of the story, I will lose the meaning of writing this article. The most important thing I want to say is that if you want to have a happy family, you must understand that the core relationship of the family is husband and wife, not mother-in-law.

However, there are still visions.

Time flies and the years change. With the rise of a new generation of mothers-in-law after 1960s and 1970s, these educated mothers-in-law in the new era, whose thoughts have been opened with the wave of reform, have been baptized by the media, and know more about the sense of boundaries and how to keep their distance from their mothers-in-law and daughter-in-law.

At that time, the eternal problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will finally be solved, and we will wait and see!