How to find a social circle that suits you?
Author: Yang Xiwen (net name Lao Yang)
1
I think the biggest pain in the world is being in a social circle that is not suitable for you.
A few years ago, I started living abroad. At first, everything was new to me. Auckland is an expanding immigrant city, half of which is beach jungle and grassland, and half is shopping malls, restaurants and office buildings. Of the 200,000 people in China, 170,000 choose to live here, and I am one of them. From the moment I set foot on this land, I coveted its beauty.
But when the days really passed, I began to shuttle between school and work, and there were more friends around me who studied and worked together. Gradually, I also have a fixed circle of friends.
It is often said that in a foreign country, it is fate to meet. However, at that time, most of the fates around me often made me feel that my efforts were useless, my life was hard, and my dreams hit a wall everywhere.
In my school, many students expect to use their education as a green card pass. Diploma is more important than the learning process. Some people often skip classes and go to work. At the end of the semester, they use the money earned from working to pay the tuition for the next semester, and so on. The two-year course is extended to three years.
The girl sitting behind me always takes my homework before handing it in. After I refused, she rolled her eyes and said, Not interesting enough! ? Even my deskmate, who has been unwilling to attend classes, regarded me as a monster when I wrote everything on the blackboard.
? Why are you listening so carefully? Why do you work so hard?
At that time, the place where I worked, the mother of a three-year-old child, cheated in marriage, had no time to take care of her husband and children every day and pretended to be an innocent girl outside. After every affair, she always pulls me and asks her whether to choose marriage or love.
Another colleague, who just got a green card, can't wait for the whole city to know that he is full of arrogance, so that I can see his two quadrangular nostrils every day when I look up.
A girl with a rich family comes to work for several hours every week to experience the stimulation of working people. Do you use a pair every time you meet? I'm doing this for your own good? The expression convinced me:? Since it is so difficult to return to China, when did you come?
At that time, the boys who rented together always liked to expose my poverty and see the embarrassment that there was nowhere to hide on my face; The arrogant landlady, looking at the car parked outside and the clothes on me, also defined me. From then on, she always looked afraid that I suddenly couldn't pay the rent.
Even those friends who thought I was a fellow traveler made my hot heart fall into the ice and snow. Do I still listen to them? You're getting fat again! Can you keep running? Publishing a book is not that easy. Be careful that the other party is a liar! ?
It was probably the darkest year on my way to struggle, and it was also the most fruitless year.
2
I am in a very active social circle, but I often feel lonely, and then I realize:
The deepest loneliness that people can feel is not that there is no one around them, but that you stand in a crowded crowd and can't see a similar person in front of you.
In my old social circle, no one liked reading, running and writing. What people value more is. Do you have a green card? Huh, how much money you got there? Is there any hot gossip around me? I learned to keep my mouth shut. I don't want to share my life with anyone, and I never want to have anything to do with anyone.
But when I go running, reading, writing, studying hard and making money, nothing good still happens in my life.
I seem to vaguely see the beam of eyes projected from the darkness, expecting me to fall at which moment, and then come over and tell me with concern? Early know? .
I think I am a hard-working girl, and I always believe that all the good things in this world will be achieved through hard work. But I am also a girl with unstable mood, and I am easily influenced by people around me. The negative energy from the social circle seems to be interspersed in every gap of my life, which makes me feel anxious all the time, and even smells a rotten smell, drifting from the surface of my original sacred dream.
I began to miss my college days countless times. At that time, people around us yearned for something and ran to the bright place, and everything seemed full of hope.
However, these negative emotions in front of me, no matter how blue the sea is and how dazzling the restaurant is, can't make me happy, and even make me cry several times on my way to school or work. I don't think there is any bright place in Auckland to accept me, and I'm afraid I may never live the life I want again.
three
Finally one day, I quit my job, packed my bags, bid farewell to my friends and moved to another city. This move is seen by others as a product of impulse, but I have been brewing courage for such a decision for a long time. Escaping from Oakland seems to be my only option to stay away from negative energy.
I settled down in a new city, and three hours of bumpy roads and uncertain future scared me. However, unexpectedly, this escape turned out to be a very valuable decision.
I've lived in this city for a year and two months, and I've staggered from job to job. I made friends in twos and threes, and my social circle was established again. Different from a few years ago, I am glad to find that in my current social circle, there are such a group of hopeful friends:
Korean chick who studies Chinese every week and has been looking forward to traveling to China for a year this year;
A 32-year-old single girls surfs, runs a marathon and travels once a year.
Returning to school at the age of 40, she became the mother of two children of a well-paid nurse at the age of 43;
60-year-old aunt, still sunbathing in bikini, lives a very beautiful and chic life.
It was in this social circle that I had the most successful year. I have to admit that the assimilation of friends is too strong.
I can't imagine whether I can persist in reading, writing, running and other meaningful activities in a negative energy environment. Many times, friends are like a window. When you open some windows, you will find? Cloudy, dawn in Shanghai. ?
And when you open someone else, you will feel sincere. The sun is shining, life is beautiful, and this is another day full of hope! ?
four
A friend in China told me such a thing. She said that when she first worked, she rented a house in an old community for the sake of cheap money.
After living in the community for half a year, I heard that there were several thefts. When I get home every day, I always feel that everyone in the community is interested in herself. Landlords often criticize the excessive use of water. The couple who shared the room always quarreled and occasionally hitchhiked back from their colleagues. The old ladies sitting downstairs in the community have long assumed a critical attitude, thinking that she is a girl hiding in the golden house and relishing her origins.
Later, my friend couldn't stand it. He gritted his teeth and took out half his salary. He rented a room in a white-collar community near the company. The new community is very luxurious, and there are all kinds of entertainment facilities in the garden pavilion. People start running here at five o'clock every morning. Everyone entered the elevator and nodded. Neighbors next door often send pickled pickles from home, and the girls who share the rent together to prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination are covered in chicken blood.
She said:
? Get up every morning, bid farewell to the postgraduate students who are sitting at their desks reviewing their lessons at home, and go out from the community to see those who have just finished running and are sweating, as well as those elites who are elegantly dressed and ready to go to work. They all feel that this day is full of hope. ?
At the same time, I also think about my recent experience. Recently, I went to gyms in different areas to exercise, and found that the scene of the same chain gym was very different. In the same city, in a relatively developed area, everyone takes all the time to exercise and refuses to waste a minute, which makes me afraid to relax.
In the gym in another relatively backward area, there are often several men who practice dumbbells occasionally, and then sit idly on the sofa in the lounge, staring at the woman's ass. The atmosphere of the whole gym makes me reluctant to exercise.
If you think about your previous experience of escaping from social circles, it is not difficult to understand that the surrounding environment has a great influence on a person, and a person's life depends largely on the living conditions of the people around him.
I used to be naive, always thinking that no matter where a person is, as long as he has a firm belief, he can become what he likes.
Now I'm still naive, but I think so:
In addition to a firm belief, a person should also find a suitable social circle and work together with friends who are also full of positive energy in order to become what he likes more quickly.