Can you stand the trend of "control"
Train control, empty nest control, makeup control, gift control. "Control" is a new self-projection of social cognition. Li Qi, a national second-level psychological counselor and deputy director of neurosurgery in Fuzhou General Hospital of Nanjing Military Region, pointed out that people are immersed in it and seem to be enslaved by it, but in fact "being enslaved" is equivalent to "starting their own business". If the debugging is not good, this negative emotion is likely to last until after the holiday.
Train control: 0.65m "private territory"
It's almost impossible to book tickets by telephone. You have to wait in a long queue for two hours to get tickets. There are crowded inter-provincial long-distance trains. Li Junyao, a young man who works in Guangdong Province, suffers from "psychological panic" during every long holiday. No, throughout the May Day holiday, Xiao Li's life was surrounded by fatigue, persistent mental stress, anxiety and even insomnia.
People can feel safe and comfortable only if they have "private territory" of more than 0.65 meters, and a fully loaded train often cannot guarantee this. If ordinary people do not pay attention to self-protection, overwork and chaotic environment, they will be mentally agitated. If this person is in a complicated journey with many people and luggage, it is easy to cause symptoms such as high mental tension, insomnia, chest tightness, mental tension, and even temporary insanity. There have been suicides such as passengers jumping out of control.
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Don't make your schedule too full, so as not to make yourself too nervous; You can chat with your peers, play poker, read books by yourself, take a deep breath, divert your attention and relieve anxiety. On the seat, exercise your joints and muscles in various parts to relieve physical and mental fatigue caused by the journey; Your own benign hints can also play a big role; Don't overeat at the end of a long journey, and pay attention to your health.
Empty nest control: often call home.
Zhang Laoren, who lives in Fuzhou, lives alone with his wife, and his children all work in Shanghai. What the old couple are looking forward to most is the reunion of their children. During the May Day holiday, the children returned to their side, which made them very happy. But the holiday will be over soon. When Zhang doesn't talk to his wife, his heart will always be full of loss, and even chest tightness and dizziness will occur.
Meet each other late. Many empty nesters and elderly people living alone are looking forward to a long vacation and eager to enjoy the family happiness of their children and grandchildren. During the long holiday, when the old man was reunited with his children, he was in a state of happiness and excitement. After the festival, the children and the younger generation left, and the old man returned to the state of "empty nest". The huge contrast has caused serious psychological loss, which is easy to lead to depression, manifested as depression, forgetfulness, powerlessness, general weakness, listlessness, loss of appetite, tinnitus, dizziness, chest tightness, breath holding and other symptoms. Usually, empty nesters, because of leisure and loneliness, accelerate psychological aging and have nowhere to talk, which makes their hearts depressed, thus becoming a frequent area of depression.
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During the festival, parents at home also want to hear about their children's harvest and need more company. Even hugs and massages are expressions of love. After the holiday, the elderly should participate in outdoor activities and exchanges, make detailed life plans including fitness, study and entertainment, get out of the relatively closed living space, and improve their adaptability and psychological endurance. Family members should give more care to the elderly. They can often write letters, make phone calls, video chat and so on. In normal times, they should also go home and have a look. When you just leave, you can increase the frequency and give each other a buffer.
Gift: A gift is enough.
Parents' warm clothes, grandpa's favorite medicated wine, aunt's scarf, and special products brought to the leaders after the holiday. Jong Li, who works in Gulou District of Fuzhou, has just worked for three years. Every time he takes a long vacation, giving gifts becomes a headache for him. "As soon as I close my eyes, all kinds of gifts I want to buy will appear in turn, making me panic during the day and unable to sleep at night." Jong Li complained.
Go home and get together if you have no money. Everyone has returned to the familiar environment as a child, relaxed and less alert, which provides us with an excellent opportunity to optimize interpersonal relationships. But for most working-class people, giving gifts is a headache. As a necessary social activity, giving gifts with greetings of thanks is also a good opportunity to integrate social relations. Each copy should be weighed well, not shabby or vulgar. During festivals with many ceremonies, we can't cover everything, and there are often all kinds of funny gift-giving mistakes.
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When you deal with it with an open and indifferent attitude, embarrassing questions will also become interesting. You don't have to "punch your face". It is rational to adhere to the principle of a small amount and moderation. As for what to send, it is best to send what you like. You can pay attention to each other's preferences through ordinary chat. If there is not enough money, there is no need for a red envelope. Instead, you can use a new attractive gift. It is enough to send it with your heart.
Makeup control: accept more imperfections.
"I have a holiday, and I have to make up every day to go out!" Yao Yun, who works in a foreign company in the provincial capital, relaxed during the Spring Festival. It didn't last long. It didn't. As soon as she got to work, she returned to her original life track. I spend more than two hours putting on makeup and removing makeup every day. Even if I go to bed very late in the morning, I would rather not eat breakfast or be late, and I will make up until I am satisfied. Not only that, Yao Yun also carries a mirror with him and often takes it out when eating.
Some women have developed the habit of going out to make up for professional reasons or out of respect for others. Of course, some women may have formed a deep impression in their hearts because of past experiences or sarcasm from some people. Over time, most of them will attach great importance to their appearance, from clothes to faces, and never miss a detail.
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If you pay too much attention to your appearance, even affect your work, or cause criticism from others, you must weigh the importance between makeup and work. Learn to accept imperfections, re-recognize yourself, and discuss with professional psychological counselors when necessary.
Four great tricks to get rid of "control"
1. One of the most effective methods is exercise, which regulates your biological clock through the interaction between muscles and nerves.
You can try to relax your brain by taking a bath, massaging your head, listening to music and walking. You can also try to recall the happy times at work.
3. After work, we should also pay close attention to self-regulation and reasonable diet. You can drink some tea and coffee during the day, take a nap at noon and take a slow deep breath every few hours.
4. Go to bed early and get up early, live an orderly life and ensure adequate sleep time. The rhythm of life and work after the holiday should be gradual to avoid drowsiness.
Refuse to charge by Weibo.
Accused by Weibo unexpectedly. That year, I finally got tired of stealing vegetables in Kaixin.com, and I didn't know where to go. My friend woke me up and knitted Weibo online. I can say whatever I want, even if you say you have three meals a day, it's okay to drink rice porridge every time. Low threshold. Just a few words will be fun. I went there immediately. I don't know if I stopped playing. I'm addicted.
At first, I just talked to myself about some things, and the weather was my favorite thing to describe. At that time, my Weibo was a small weather forecasting station. Not only the daily temperature is recorded in detail, but also whether there is wind. So later, after I stopped reporting, some fans were not used to it, saying that they were used to my weather forecast and watched it less on QQ, so there was no reference for clothes. Faced with such a friend, I have to say I'm sorry, because I have "moved on" and have something I am more willing to express and share. I began to send some small words about my mood anytime and anywhere, which was a little petty bourgeoisie. For example, I wrote that I was holding a cup of tea in the afternoon sun, with a laptop on my lap, listening to music and playing computer while drinking tea, and my heart was as calm as a fish in the sea; I wrote down my expectation of an emotion: how I want to hide in your dream, listen to the rain with you, snuggle up to you, let the warmth in my heart come in and make me laugh like a flower? I think it is the most beautiful agreement in my life to go on like this, never give up and love you. As soon as this tweet was released, fans immediately joined in, which made me very proud.
I also forwarded my favorite famous sayings and some small blog posts about my life, which inspired myself and others. Later, I wrote some blog posts similar to essays, and I often had to send several Weibo posts in succession to express my meaning clearly. I thought this kind of thing close to literature was disliked and unexpected. Some people are sought after, some people like it, and more fans climb. The increase in the number of fans has satisfied my little vanity and I feel a little famous. When I wrote again, I became more and more cautious. Later, I pasted Weibo, who was repeating at the same time, into a blank document, and with a little modification, it was an emotional essay that conveyed my mood.
Weibo continues, and so does the convenience brought by Weibo. As soon as I entered Weibo, I felt that there were many things waiting for me to do. When traveling on business, you should use your mobile phone to surf the Internet and send messages to Weibo anytime and anywhere. A wild flower, a tree, a floating cloud, a pair of lovers or an old couple have all become what I want to express. I discovered the beauty of ordinary days with my own eyes and shared it with my fans through Weibo. Who let us all be controlled by Weibo?
Wife's "refusal"
Tong Tong worked hard in the office building for two days and nights, and finally finished writing a note on market forecast and analysis arranged by his boss. Unexpectedly, when she sent it to her boss for review, the manuscript written according to his wishes was completely rejected by him. She argued with her boss righteously, but she angered him and accused her of all her work. A string of wronged tears of red grapes swirled in my eyes. In the evening, Tong Tong lay in bed early, "recalling painful experiences and sweet thoughts", but she became more and more angry. She didn't go to bed until her husband Zhijie came home at eleven. Zhijie sincerely "asks for warmth and coldness". She couldn't hold back her bitter tears any longer, and tearfully told Zhijie about her tragic experience. After hearing this, Zhijie did some emotional ideological and political work to calm Tong Tong's anger. At this point, Zhijie was full of tenderness for her, but Tong Tong grumpily pushed Zhijie away and refused his sexual request. Jay's desire was quenched by a pot of cold water. He lay on his side and slept alone.
A similar situation often happens to married couples. Women are naturally delicate and fragile, and they often feel bitter when something goes wrong. At this time, don't say that you are not interested in couples. Even if you don't eat for a day, she won't feel hungry. Zhijie's rejection of Tong Tong's courtship shows that he doesn't understand the influence of women's physiological and psychological changes on women's sexual love. Therefore, in the life of husband and wife, the husband cannot have sex with his wife. In particular, women need to go through some special periods in their long life, such as bad mood, menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth and so on. A man should turn his fiery desire for his wife into gentle care, careful consideration and careful care. Because in these special periods, women's physiology and psychology will change obviously, and they will have different attitudes and requirements for sexual life, that is, they have the right to refuse sexual life. From the medical and physiological point of view, a wife can confidently refuse her husband's request under the following circumstances.
During the period of refusing pregnancy
In many health magazines, we can often see taboo knowledge about sexual life during pregnancy. Especially in the first three months of pregnancy and the first three months of delivery, sexual life should be banned. The purpose of these taboos is to avoid premature delivery and infection. So can you have sex during pregnancy? Sexual life during pregnancy is a complicated problem. To understand this problem, we must first correct the statement that pregnant women's desire for sex life is reduced.
Astor and Johnson studied the influence of pregnancy on sexual behavior in 1966. They take three months as a stage. In the second stage after pregnancy, 82 of the 10 1 interviewed women showed enhanced sexual demand and positive sexual performance. They directly observed six women, whose sexual desire and sexual response were enhanced, and two of them experienced orgasm for the first time during pregnancy. After the second stage, the enhancement of sexual motivation and sexual response will turn into a stable period, and the level of postpartum sexual response will decline, but it will return to the pre-pregnancy level after one stage. Of course, this rule is not absolute, and some research results show the opposite. But in any case, women can have sexual intercourse within 9 months of pregnancy, both physically and sexually.
Of course, sexual intercourse during pregnancy is conditional. Due to individual differences and pregnancy differences, both husband and wife must take a restrained and cautious attitude towards sexual life throughout pregnancy to adapt to the significant changes in pregnant women's body and mind and protect the health of mother and baby. Sexual intercourse should be stopped in the first three months of pregnancy. Otherwise, it will not only endanger the growth and development of embryonic tissue, but also cause abortion. After the early pregnancy, although the sexual life of husband and wife can be restored, we must try our best to restrain the frequency and intensity, and do not engage in intense sexual intercourse, so that both husband and wife can fully express their sexual love without discomfort. In order to protect his wife's health and the normal growth and development of the fetus, the husband must restrain himself and not indulge himself for a moment's pleasure.
As his wife's body becomes more and more bloated, she will feel that she is not used to the sexy love before. These postures can only make her feel uncomfortable and increase her anxiety about the fetus. For example, in the first few months of delivery, pressing the wife's abdomen or deeply inserting the penis into her vagina may have adverse effects on her uterus and fetus. At this time, both husband and wife can choose some suitable postures, such as lateral position, standing position, lying position, etc., to reduce the pressure on the wife's abdomen.
After refusing to have children
It is quite serious physical trauma for women who give birth and takes a long time to recover. The recovery time is generally 6~8 weeks. If the parturient begins to have sex before she fully recovers, it will definitely have adverse or even serious consequences for the woman, such as bleeding, endometritis, pelvic inflammatory disease and other infections caused by poor uterine involution. Sometimes, these consequences may not happen immediately, but only after a long time. Therefore, at this stage, the husband should not give his wife any hints or provocative or stimulating behaviors about making love, lest her wife be influenced by your hints or stimuli and lose control of herself for a while, leaving a lifelong regret.
Refuse to menstruate.
Many women, especially young women, have stronger sexual desire before and after menstruation than usual, especially separated couples reunite during this period. This is because the menstrual period is approaching, and the blood circulation of female pelvic tissues is accelerated, forming a state of congestion. At this time, a woman's body will be slightly hot, her breasts will become tense and firm, and she will feel extremely excited. Coupled with some psychological factors, many women feel that this period is a safe period and there is no need to worry about pregnancy. Therefore, they especially want to have sex. So you're welcome to say: in real life, some couples do have sex during menstruation. This is very wrong.
Of course, after marriage, men often can't stand abstinence for a long time, so they occasionally ask their wives to have sex during menstruation to steal a moment's pleasure. But husbands should know that during menstruation, women's endometrium falls off, forming wounds on the surface of uterine cavity, and local resistance decreases. Having sex at this time is easy to cause pelvic inflammatory disease. The original chronic pelvic inflammatory disease will have an acute attack, which will bring great pain to his wife.
When you refuse to be depressed
Happiness, anger, worry, thinking, sadness, fear and surprise are the "seven emotions" of human beings, and no one can escape. One of the most common changes of "seven emotions" is depression or bad mood. In this case, you'd better not ask your wife. If you can't control yourself and force yourself to have sex with your wife, it can only be regarded as solving a physical "emergency" and making both husband and wife unhappy. Zhijie above had sex with his wife when her work was not smooth and she was in a bad mood, just touching her nose.
When your wife is depressed, maybe she will agree to your request, but don't act rashly, because she wants to get rid of her troubles in life or work through sex, which is similar to the meaning of "drinking to drown her sorrows"; In fact, it is "drinking to drown your sorrows."
When women are depressed, the cerebral cortex is often in a state of mental depression, and sexual excitement is not easy to improve, or the improvement speed is slow, and the quality of sexual activity may be not ideal, and then the intensity of orgasm and lust will be greatly reduced, and sometimes even lust will appear "cold" or no orgasm because of gray distraction and sexual impulse interference. Low-quality sex life is often the most important cause of sexual dysfunction caused by psychological factors. This will not only induce sexual dysfunction, but also cause marital disharmony. Although the unwilling party can get sexual satisfaction, it may not be happy after seeing his wife's unhappiness; On the contrary, a wife who is forced to have sex will not give full play to her sexual function, and often will not get sexual satisfaction. She is very disgusted with her lover's recklessness, which will aggravate her unpleasant emotions and increase the chances of sexual dysfunction in the future.
Refuse to be in poor health
Making love is also a kind of exercise with a lot of exercise. Since it is exercise, you need physical strength. Some wives are in poor health and have weaker sexual desire than strong husbands, so it is not easy to reach orgasm during sex. If the husband does not control the life of husband and wife, the wife's physical quality will go from bad to worse. Finally, the hospital became their closest and most frequent place.
Man is an advanced animal with feelings, and sex and love are two parallel locomotives, both of which are indispensable. Under the above special circumstances, the husband should fully understand and accept his wife's refusal; But in addition, a wife can't refuse her husband's courtship for no reason, otherwise it will lead to a marriage crisis.
Conclusion: Refuse to be the defendant. Improve your psychology and make your psychology healthier! (This article was first published in the journal Public Health, with the publication date of 2065438+June 2002, by Wu Zhi, Li Dan and Yao. The copyright belongs to the author. The purpose of reprinting is to convey more information, which does not mean that 360 Common Sense Network agrees with its views and is responsible for its authenticity. Please contact us as soon as possible and we will delete the content as soon as possible.