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Every girl once had a happy dream in her heart, hoping to marry a lover and fall in love. Since then, life has been carefree and sweet.
But most people's married life is like this: economically, the salary of several thousand yuan per month is always not enough, and they continue to live a hard life after marriage.
Emotionally, the sweet period will always pass. When the initial passion gradually faded, the little interest between husband and wife was exhausted by ordinary trivial days.
So once complaints and quarrels start, it is an endless cycle.
I often hear female friends around me complain about the bad life. The married husband wants money but has no money, but he is not in the mood for power. He regrets that he has found such a person blindly.
"Look at people, her husband has money to love her, wears big brands, drives a luxury car and lives in a mansion, and has whatever he wants."
"Why can others marry so well, but I can't?"
There was a popular saying on the Internet before: If you want others to give you Hermes, you must first afford Chanel.
In other words, the possession of any good thing needs to match itself. Otherwise, such things can't really belong to you even if they are close at hand.
The same is true of marriage. If you want to "marry well", you must first be "worthy".
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Influenced by traditional ideas, some people always think that girls don't need to work too hard. As long as they find a good man to marry, they will have a lifetime of support.
But the overbearing president fell in love with you, and then all kinds of fancy stories were in online novels. In reality, there are very few men who are tall, handsome, rich and dedicated.
Even if you are lucky enough to meet, what makes you think people will definitely like you? In fact, even if you marry well, you may not live well.
What kind of people you will meet and what kind of life you will live after marriage will ultimately depend on yourself.
As women in the new era, don't pin your hopes on love and marriage. Only by relying on themselves can they have a broader and more free space.
Otherwise, just like my college classmate Xiaomei, she will not only lose herself in marriage, but even be defeated.
Xiaomei used to be a girl who loves to laugh. Her parents think that girls don't need to be too strict with themselves, as long as they marry well, they are better than anything else.
Therefore, her family education environment has been relatively relaxed since she was a child. When I was at school, my grades were average, and I barely graduated from college. I can imagine the income from my work.
Fortunately, she is beautiful, charming and lovely. In a social activity, I met a boy from a well-off family, and they got married soon after their relationship.
After getting married, Xiaomei found that she couldn't integrate into this new family at all. There are too many rules in her husband's family for her to cope with. Even if she is extremely careful in everything, she will inevitably be scolded by her mother-in-law.
My husband is very busy at work and has all kinds of entertainment after work. He comes home late every day. Two people can't say a few words a week. Xiaomei's accumulated grievances have nothing to say and become more and more silent.
Especially after her daughter was born, she took care of her children at home full-time, and felt that the gap between herself and her husband was getting bigger and bigger, making her feel inferior and sensitive. She always felt that everyone in her husband's family looked down on herself.
In the eyes of outsiders, she is a rich woman who has nothing to worry about, but only she knows what kind of life she leads in private.
03
Once I accidentally looked through her husband's mobile phone and found that her husband had been dating a female subordinate for almost a year.
Xiaomei cried and cried, to no avail, and she thought of divorce. But it was not until then that she discovered that although her husband's family was rich, it had nothing to do with herself, and all the property belonged to her in-laws.
Xiaomei and her husband usually spend a lot of money, and their monthly salary is barely enough for daily expenses. They have no savings at all. Even the car in the house where she lives now is in the name of her mother-in-law.
With the strength of her husband's family, she has no chance to win custody of her children. Besides, in her present condition, it is a problem to support herself. What can she do to support her children?
Well, Xiaomei's marriage is nothing more than the most precious years in her life.
Recalling this failed marriage experience, Xiaomei regretted it. If I hadn't been confused by my partner's "rich" status, I wouldn't have decided to get married so rashly.
If you live up to expectations, have a decent job and a good income, you will not be so passive when you divorce.
Marriage is not as simple as getting a certificate, it involves many complicated things such as family, social status, interests, money and so on.
So marriage is also very "powerful". No matter where the deviation between two people is too big, it is difficult for their feelings to last long. If you want to have a sense of equality and dignity, you must make real efforts to empower yourself to have these.
Instead of pinning your hopes on marriage, entrusting your life to a man, and then suffering from other people's world and longing for happiness from others, it is better to take time to manage yourself well.
As long as you have enough ability, even if you are not married and have no emotional changes, one can live a rich life.
04
Contrary to Xiaomei, it is another good friend of mine, Xin Qing.
Xin Qing is plain-looking, and her husband is an executive of a big company. He has a strong working ability, a good family and a handsome man. The most important thing is to be so kind to Xin Qing, and I have nothing to say. Everything is considerate and thoughtful, and I never want my wife to suffer any injustice.
Everyone envied Xin Qing's good life and married a good husband. In fact, everyone who knows her knows how difficult it is for her to come all the way.
Xin Qing was originally a girl from an ordinary family. She had an unforgettable relationship when she was a student. Her boyfriend is a college alumnus, and they have been together for four years.
After graduation, when Xin Qing and her boyfriend went to see their parents in his city, the boy's parents kicked her out because she thought her family background was too bad for her son.
The biggest blow to Xin Qing is her boyfriend's attitude. In fact, he thinks that his parents have a good family and some sense of superiority is normal. As for the grievances suffered by his girlfriend, his solution is to let her endure them.
The stubborn Xin Qing didn't recognize this logic and chose to break up with her boyfriend.
This incident made Xin Qing understand that only by making herself better, the choice will be in her own hands and will not be despised because of anything.
From then on, she was so absorbed in her work that she didn't even have time to fall in love. At marriageable age, she would rather bear the pressure of urging marriage at home than spend some time looking for a boyfriend at work.
She works harder than anyone else, being the first to arrive at the company and the last to leave every day. On holidays, others have a rest, and she volunteered to work overtime.
The company has a new task that is difficult to complete. Colleagues generally think that this is a thankless thing. She has been hiding for a long time. She did it voluntarily.
While other little girls are busy dating their boyfriends, eating and watching movies, she is still working overtime.
Fate is never hard for those who strive for progress. In a few years, she rose from a newcomer to the business director of the company.
I met my current husband in business dealings with another company. Through communication, the two gradually got to know each other and joined hands in the marriage hall.
After the marriage, Xin Qing did not relax her demands on herself at all, and the focus of her life was still on her work. While gradually growing into a mature and capable working woman, she also gained the sweetness of feelings and the happiness of marriage.
Marriage needs not only material matching, but also spiritual balance.
A woman can only be loved by a good man if she is willing to endure hardships, strive for continuous progress, and strive to improve herself and make herself better at any stage. Because he is good, you are not bad, even better than him.
05
Remember Luo Zijun in the first half of his life?
Before the divorce, Luo Zijun was narrow-minded and vain. I didn't do anything. I spent all my husband's money and showed it off. I am a disgusting woman.
As a mother, when asked by a child what "cornea" is, she misinterpreted it as "foot membrane". As a wife, she knows nothing about her husband's work pressure and is suspicious all day.
Such Luo Zijun is doomed to be abandoned.
When her husband fell in love with another woman and wanted to divorce her, she was shocked and even humbly prayed: "That woman is not good, I can change."
And Chen's firm divorce attitude makes all women who have illusions about a man who has changed his mind like Zijun know that it is hard for you to imagine the speed of a man who once loved you deeply, and never underestimate the determination of a man when he no longer loves you.
After a heavy marriage, Zijun finally knows that men are unreliable and need to go their own way.
Later, with the help of my friends, through my own efforts, I experienced the pain of diaosi, changed from a full-time wife who knew nothing to a strong and independent working woman, and was appreciated by more outstanding men.
Marriage has never been a woman's dependence, nor is it a shortcut in a woman's life, nor can it be too attached to a man's feelings, because feelings can easily become a weapon to hurt people.
What can really resist harm is not your dedication to your family and men, nor your unprincipled humble begging, but your confidence that I can spoil you and change you.
I like a sentence written by writer Qingshan in his new book Sleeping Empty Spirit: If it is powerful, you can erase all changes like dust.
We like years to be quiet, but the reality is often big rivers and turbulent rapids. Only by making yourself stronger will you have more choices and more strength to face the cruelty in life.
Girl, if you want to have a better life, redouble your efforts. All your efforts today will become your own capital one day in the future, making you worthy and worthy of all the good things you have encountered in your life.
The right person will come especially for you.