Sibling love is not the mainstream marriage and love collocation at present. Although the mind is very open now, people's tolerance for different forms of love has been greatly strengthened. However, based on the various problems and disadvantages of sister-in-law's love, I believe that relatives and friends are opposed. So what are the problems that are easy to appear in brother-sister love?

1, when women earn more money.

Women's insecurity in their sister-in-law's love comes from their worries about their age. They will feel that they are in their thirties and still look young, but when they are in their forties, they will look old, and men are only in their thirties. They will panic: Will he still love me then? "In addition to age panic, women's insecurity also comes from the imbalance of their career development.

When women are in their thirties and men are in their early twenties, women's career development is generally better than men's. Among my brothers and sisters' friends, compared with men, women have higher positions and higher salaries, even several times higher. In the love between brothers and sisters, it often happens that in the initial stage, women's career development is better than men's. For example, when the article fell in love with Ma Yili, Ma Yili was already very famous, and the article just graduated from Chinese opera, and his career was still in its infancy. When Faye Wong and Nicholas Tse fell in love, Faye Wong was already a diva, while Nicholas Tse was only 20 years old and still a child. Although she was a popular singer for two years at that time, there was still a big gap with Phoebe Wang. In the year when she fell in love with Nicholas Tse, Faye Wong also won the Golden Melody Award, the Most Popular Female Singer Award and the Golden Melody Award. In the movie "Brothers and Sisters", the heroine Sandy is the royal sister Zeta Jones. After divorcing her unfaithful husband, she moved into the city with her two children and began to struggle for a living. Soon she started her own business. Her little boyfriend was only 25 years old, divorced, in a confused stage of career development, just working in a coffee shop.

In the love of brothers and sisters, career development is unbalanced, especially when women's career development is better than men's. This situation is contrary to the public and the mainstream, and women's hearts will be full of insecurity, even more uneasy than women without jobs. I have two girlfriends, one is from the company and the other is a lawyer. When they face boyfriends younger than themselves, they worry that they will have to bear many family responsibilities in the future. They worry that boys are unreliable, irresponsible and unable to bear the responsibility of marriage and family. They are also afraid that in order to be with each other, they will lower their current living standards and lower their quality of life. Therefore, in the face of marriage, women among younger siblings will hesitate, and many women will give up. An interesting reason is that although they are independent and capable women, the concept of equality between men and women has not really penetrated into their hearts and blood, and they can't really accept the fact that their men earn less than themselves.

In addition, in both sexes, when women earn more money, men tend to feel inferior. Our culture is "patriarchal" and "men are superior to women", emphasizing that "men should strive for self-improvement". In this patriarchal and successful society, the amount of money earned is often related to a person's self-esteem and self-confidence, especially men. Not all men can accept that girlfriends or wives earn more than themselves. Sometimes inferiority complex can make people distort their hearts and make terrible behaviors. I have been exposed to cases of domestic violence against my wife, because her wife earns more money than herself and feels inferior.

Therefore, when both men and women do not really have the gender concept of equality between men and women, the love between brothers and sisters is prone to premature death and failure. In other words, if men and women can't be equal and independent, there is no brotherly love.

2. When a woman is mature, a man is immature.

In sibling love, the physical age gap is not fatal, but the psychological age gap is fatal. Women are generally more mature than men, and if they are older than men, they are more likely to have problems in love. For example, a woman's physiological age is 33 and her psychological age is 33, while a man's physiological age is 28 and his psychological age is only 18, so he is still in adolescence. When two people are together, they will be lingering and there will be many contradictions. In the love between brothers and sisters, women tend to think that men are childish, playful, willful, irresponsible and immature, and they will also have problems in communication and understanding, unable to understand and support each other, and then the relationship will easily come to the brink of rupture.

Many sibling relationships in About the Second Time depend on the maturity of men's psychological age. Faye Wong and Nicholas Tse get back together, probably because Nicholas Tse is a mature man. Nicholas Tse is now in his thirties, and he is no longer that little boy. He once formed a family and knew what feelings and family were like. Now that his career is brilliant, Faye Wong has already retired from the music world, and he doesn't sing or act very much. The two were similar in age, so they came together again. Sandy broke up with 25-year-old Aram in the movie "Brother and Sister", and broke up for the second time five years later. In the past five years, Alam has realized his dream, traveled around the world, met more people and done what he wanted to do. Alam, 30, has become mature and steady, and is also a father. So, when two people meet again, equal shares bring each other back together.

Even if it is a sister-in-law relationship, there will be cases where women are older physically, but younger psychologically, or men are more mature psychologically. For example, in a couple, the female is 35 years old physically and only 25 years old psychologically, while the male is 29 years old physically and 30 years old psychologically, so in the process of getting along, the female will still feel the care and protection of her brother. The state of women in the emotional world may be more dependent on men's' innocent girls'.

A brother and sister around me are in love. My sister is five years older than my brother, but when two people walk together, you won't feel that my sister is taking care of my brother. On the contrary, the younger brother takes care of his girlfriend like a brother. Drive your girlfriend to work; When his girlfriend encounters problems at work, he not only gives support and comfort, but also gives effective suggestions to solve the problems; When your girlfriend is sick, be gentle and considerate and take care of her. The communication between the two people is also very smooth, and there is rarely a so-called "generation gap". He can give his girlfriend the security and support she needs, and her girlfriend can also give her the warmth and understanding she needs. So the relationship between two people is more harmonious and happier.

Generally speaking, women in China want their partner to be more mature, capable and know how to handle all kinds of things. They hope that the other half can meet their need for security. Therefore, in the love between brothers and sisters, age itself is not a problem. What matters is the matching degree of psychological age and whether it can meet their respective psychological and emotional needs. In the communication between men and women, psychological age and psychological maturity will be presented in an interactive way. The more harmonious the psychological age of two people is, the closer the psychological maturity of two people is, and the easier it is to have a happy and intimate relationship.

3. When people around you are not optimistic.

"You should find someone with money and a house", "You should find a tall one", "You should listen to your parents' arrangement to find a suitable one", "You should not be so picky", "You should not find such a thin one", "You should not give each other such an expensive gift" ... China people's marriage and love choices are always accompanied by comments and suggestions from relatives and friends, and many people will always tell you, as it should be. Even if no one tells you, our culture and media will tell you what to do and what not to do. This form of sibling love is obviously doomed to be easily opposed by the outside world at the beginning of the relationship. The first real blow in your relationship is the disapproval from your parents and friends around you. Parents and girlfriends around you will say to you, "You should find someone older than you so that he can take care of you. "Your parents and brothers tell you," You should find someone younger than yourself, so that she can listen to you easily and face less external pressure. "Although sibling love has been popular for many years, its acceptance is gradually increasing. However, the society is generally not optimistic about brotherhood, or many people think it is unreliable. Fourteen years ago, the sister-in-law relationship between Faye Wong and Nicholas Tse was generally regarded as unwelcome. It is said that Faye Wong's good friend Na Ying even almost broke up with Faye Wong. Ma Yili's articles and events made many people sigh: the difference between two people is 9 years, and they all say that the relationship between brother and sister is unreliable. We only see the age gap, but we don't constantly enlarge and strengthen the age factors of girls and boys. We can't see that the reason for their relationship problems is not just the age gap.

Parents' opposition and friends' disapproval will make two lovers feel pressure, and even break up because they can't resist the pressure. Why do we attach so much importance to external evaluations and opinions? In my opinion, China people generally lack a solid self, even in marriage and love, because our self is so fragile and empty inside, so external judgments, whether from society or from parents and friends, can easily come in and disturb our hearts. We are hypnotized, brainwashed and influenced by other people's eyes, so we can't make our own judgments and choices with confidence.

So, if you want to start a sister-in-law relationship, let's see if you are a wholehearted and powerful person, and whether you trust your own judgment and choice. If not, then the outside voice is a very big challenge for you.

4. When falling into a single relationship mode and the role is solidified.

In any intimate relationship, if one party always plays a fixed role, such as the role of caregiver or the role of being cared for, problems will arise. Married to 19 when she was 38 years old. She told reporters in an interview with the media: "She was still very young when she was with me, and she didn't even enter the society, so I shaped her basic world outlook. In contrast, before you change, find an older wife who is shaped by the people around you, who is more tired and more prone to differences. My wife's view of the world, even what music she listens to and what movies she watches, is influenced by me, so most of our ideas are very consistent. I think this is very happy. " Later, they divorced. In the released statement, we learned that the reason for the high divorce is: "He feels unhappy living together, and he wants more freedom and creative space." In a relationship, the one who has always been the leader and caregiver will feel that his heart is constantly being consumed, and then he will become more and more tired. If the other person has always been a follower and caregiver, it is easy to have more and more dependent psychology, and also feel weak and worthless.

After the article and the Ma Yili incident, many people turned out the video screenshots of their previous TV programs. The article smiled and said "admit your mistake", and Ma Yili also smiled and said "he will admit his mistake very, very much." Many netizens think that their relationship is more like a mother-child relationship, "because only children often need to apologize to their mothers."

In my opinion, some of the opinions of netizens are correct. In my opinion, it is the psychological and emotional needs of two people that have changed and cannot be well adjusted, which leads to the problem of their relationship. At the beginning, the article was very immature, and I was still a little boy at heart. When he met Ma Yili, who was mature, steady, well-managed and caring, he actually satisfied his inner emotional demand for maternal love and warmth. But after several years of development, Ma Yili has not changed her role, but continues to be a good mother. Emotionally, the part of the article that wants to be a father, a brother and a little girl or sister can't be satisfied.

Eric Bourne, the founder of TA communication analysis technology (also known as interactive analysis theory, founded in 196 1), pointed out that there are three stages of self-state: parents, children and adults. Under different circumstances, we will show different personality characteristics when interacting with people.

The positive side of the state of "parents and me" is encouraging, caring and praising others, while the negative side will prompt us to criticize, belittle, prohibit, punish and control others; Or on the contrary, they worry too much, have uncontrollable needs to protect children and help take care of others, and often interfere in other people's lives and make decisions for others.

The state of "children's ego" is easy to be happy, impulsive, willful and self-centered, or on the contrary, it is inferior, cowardly, easy to obey others, and naively and helplessly cater to others' expectations.

The state of "adult self" is more rational, objective, without any emotion, based on reality, and treats others with a mature, objective, logical and rational thinking attitude.

If in the relationship between brothers and sisters, the communication state between them is very simple, for example, the elder sister has always been the state of parents and me, while the younger brother has always been the state of children and me, one is the role of controller or caregiver, and the other is the role of submissive or cared for. After a long time, both of them felt uncomfortable. It is dangerous to solidify a single communication state or role in gender relations, which easily leads to the lack of psychological and emotional needs and psychological imbalance. In intimate relationships, we should be wary of falling into a single relationship model and role solidification. The best state is that the communication state and role are changing, and parents, children and adults are all out to play. Yesterday, two children played happily together and said silly things. Nowadays, men are under great pressure when they come home from work. One of them should be a loving and warm mother, and the other should be a little boy who needs comfort and support. The woman will have her period tomorrow and be criticized by the leader for being unwell. One is a responsible father who can take care of others, and the other is a helpless little girl who needs love and care ...

From this point of view, brother-sister love is actually not special at all. The emotional problems encountered by brother-sister love will also be encountered in general love relationships. For example, parents don't accept their feelings, communicate with each other and solidify their roles. Because all feelings are not easy to fall in love, let alone be together. The age gap is not the real factor that affects the relationship between two people, but whether their personality maturity matches, whether they are independent, equal, respectful, supportive and understanding.

More and more people think that relationship is an important driving force to change a person and an important indicator to test a person. All your relationships are a mirror through which you can know who you really are. Your Intimacy is a kind of practice, in which you know yourself and constantly change and improve yourself. Fromm believes that love is the creativity between people, not feelings. How to make two people grow up and become better people respectively, and create a more harmonious and happy intimate relationship and a happier future together with the creativity of love is a lesson that needs to be studied hard.

Extended content

Is the relationship between brother and sister reliable?

Little men bring romance to big women.

Why do women like boys? Although young and short-lived, the young man is less dull, more simple and passionate and knows romance than the old man, which is exactly what women in love lack and need. Older women have certain experience and economic foundation, so they don't have to rely on men, so they need to find a lively, simple and enthusiastic man to mobilize their hearts and make themselves full of vitality every day. Moreover, in the eyes of women, young men's waywardness, temper tantrums and nonsense are also lovely, which mature and steady old men lack.

A little man can meet the physiological needs of a big woman.

The development of sister-in-law's love is partly related to physiology, because women's sexual psychology matures later than men's, while older men are older than women and their physical strength is obviously not as good as before. Especially when both of them are in middle age, the elderly will start to be at a loss, which will lead to disharmony in sexual life and affect their feelings. But if you find a young and energetic little man, it's different. In this respect, little boys have an advantage over old people.

The maturity of a big woman attracts a small man.

Young men are full of energy, and when they encounter something, they will inevitably choose to escape, and sometimes even act impulsively. Older women are more calm and rational, which is the opposite of them, and it is easier for boys to fall in love. Compared with young women, older women are more like royal sisters, more caring and considerate. They won't always be willful like little girls, and they won't stick to their boyfriends all day, but they know how to give both sides proper space. Men like big women because with these mature women, they will save a lot of trouble and concentrate more on their work.

The little man's Oedipus complex is at work

Another reason why young men like their sister-in-law's love is that they have a serious Oedipus complex, because they have an indelible affection for their mother, and even her words and deeds are deeply imprinted in his mind, so when there is such a mature woman with similar personality to her mother, they will be unconsciously attracted and feel close to such a woman. The little man thinks that this woman can give him mother-like care, which makes him addicted and more and more dependent.

Big women are experienced.

The temperament and self-restraint of a big woman can't be learned by a small woman. They are like a spell of red wine, which has a strong fragrance for a long time. A woman with connotation has elegant manners, can grasp the sense of proportion in everything she says and does, and has extraordinary performance, so that you can never see through her, but always want to walk into her heart. Women with rich connotations are always mysterious, ambiguous and elegant, which deeply attracts little men.

The benefits of brotherly love

Benefit 1: Brother and sister love to make money.

Housekeeping and financial management are often not achieved overnight, so it takes a lot of time, time and money to train young girls, and it happens that young sister-like wives already have this attribute and trait to fill it.

For women: men are born with the habit of spending money lavishly and will be satisfied as shopkeepers.

Benefit 2: Brothers and sisters love to work hard and complain.

For men: now the big sisters have experienced a long period of social destruction, and their hearts are no longer as melodramatic as little girls. Generally, the big sister who pulls the hook can't. In life, when you are together, some housework will be orderly, and everything will be orderly and comfortable.

For women: it doesn't matter how much housework you do. I earn money to support my family, and you are in charge of beauty. As for housework, it doesn't matter how much you do. As long as you feel comfortable, doing housework is also a kind of enjoyment and you can lose weight.

Benefit 3: Sister-in-law loves humility.

For men: Most young women have a little princess's heart. Everyone here should know the little princess's mind. ) They like to play with their temper. Yes, you are right. You are always angry and even run away from home. But a woman older than you can't make proper use of her silence and know how to take a step back and broaden the horizon, which makes you much more relaxed.

For a woman-you have patience, then what reason does she not understand? A little injustice, in exchange for his unswerving dedication to you, why not?

Benefit 4: Brotherhood Association will take care of people.

For men: to a certain extent, men will be naive, naughty and coquettish, and excessive love and care for women can definitely be obtained from my sister.

To a woman: he is uncomfortable wearing other people's clothes, and other people's cooking is not delicious. He can't live without you! So, what are you worried about?

Benefit 5: Brothers and sisters are practical.

For men-for some young women who have just come into contact with the society, most of them like to go to bars and sing K and so on, but your sister has long been tired of playing. Such a life, tired of going to nightclubs every day, lying comfortably at home, quietly waiting for the arrival of the years, so it is reassuring for women older than you to put them anywhere.

Benefit 6: Brother and sister will live together.

Men are under great pressure-modern men, they provide houses, cars and wives. Sisters know how to live the best life with the least money.

For a woman-I manage most of her money and power, and your living standard has greatly improved. Besides, without you, he doesn't even know the bank password. Aren't you happy?

Benefit 7: Brother and sister have a sense of crisis.

There is no advantage for men and women older than you. They always have a sense of crisis, and they will constantly enrich and improve themselves and participate in family building to the maximum extent.

For a woman-when she encounters a problem, your experience and knowledge will show her talent. He met with multiple-choice questions, and your wise advice made him suddenly enlightened. You are his wife!

Benefit 8: Brother and sister have a sense of responsibility.

For men and women older than you, long-term traditional education, more responsibility for family, husband and children, your life will be better.

For women, it is much better for two people to solve problems together than for two people to pass the buck to each other!

The disadvantages of sibling love

On brother-sister relationship

As the saying goes, sibling love seems to be a popular way of love at present. Both men and women are putting the ideal that age is not a problem and height is not a distance into practice with modern eyes, which also makes the reliability of brother-sister love more and more recognized. But is brother-sister love really reliable? Although brother-sister relationship has many advantages, we should also face up to the actual disadvantages of brother-sister relationship in order to do what we can.

The generation gap is too big to be bridged.

The age gap between men and women is too big, which is probably due to the differences in values, world outlook and outlook on life, and the greater the difference with the increase of age gap. The survey shows that in marriage and family, when men are seven years older than their female partners, their satisfaction is the lowest. Therefore, this profound difference in thinking may lead to the generation gap between brother and sister is too large, and will eventually separate. Imagine that when you reach a certain age, you are passionate and lifeless. Can such happiness be reliable?

When the man is under great financial pressure, the woman will be more anxious.

If you don't consider the disadvantages, you can only taste the bitter fruit, so the practical problems need to be thought deeply by both sides. When both brothers and sisters need to face marriage, they will encounter problems such as unsuccessful career and poor financial resources. Because the woman is older than the man, she is more anxious and insecure psychologically, which is one of the reasons why the relationship between brother and sister is unreliable.

Physiological differences

Physiologically speaking, women are more likely to get old than men. Basically, after the age of 30, the skin began to decline obviously. As the saying goes, "A woman is forty rotten tea dregs, and Rhapsody in July is a flower". The relationship between brother and sister may be matched at first, but once the gap widens, the relationship often appears inadequate.

Psychological age difference between men and women

Women are born 2~3 years earlier than men, which is also the reason why women are younger than men in the legal age of the country. Physiological age and psychological age often complement each other. The relationship between brothers and sisters is that the woman is older than the man, which also shows that the gap between psychological ages will widen. A woman must want to find a man to take care of herself all her life, but if she faces a younger brother and boyfriend with an immature psychological age, it is likely to violate the original intention of a woman to enter marriage, and of course it will greatly reduce the degree of unreliability.

Pressure from friends and family.

Although sister-in-law love is a new fashion, relatives and friends will inevitably look at their love affair with suspicion, which will inevitably add various question marks to your sister-in-law love affair. Moreover, my parents are conservative, and they probably can't accept this rebellious feeling. If the man can't stick to his feelings, then as a woman, he can only be covered in injuries. At this time, it was really a chicken flying eggs.

Tips: Although the relationship between brother and sister has disadvantages, it also depends on the firmness of their love. I believe that love can overcome all obstacles. Similarly, in the marriage and family survey, respondents who are 3 or 4 years younger than their wives also reached the peak of their satisfaction with their partners, which really gave their siblings greater confidence.

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