I was born in the countryside and my parents didn't receive any education. I used to be introverted, that is, I blushed when I saw boys. If I see a good-looking boy, I will blush, my heart will beat faster and I will be speechless. Although I am introverted and my academic performance is ok, I graduated from a key university in Guangzhou and my love life mainly started from the university. Because girls are scarce resources in science and engineering schools, they are particularly easy to fall in love. There are so many boys to choose from in school, but I only like love rat. Why? Next, I will tell you my story.
Let me talk about my first relationship first. There is a beautiful girl in our dormitory. There is a boy in our class who wants to chase her. But he didn't go directly to the girl. He wanted to get close to me and asked me to help her chase that girl. As a result, he didn't catch up with that girl either. At last he confessed to me. I said yes.
I look at it now. First of all, I won't help any boy chase a girl. Even if I helped, the boy finally confessed to me. I definitely won't agree. So you can imagine how bottomless I was.
We talked for two months, and then it was summer vacation. The summer vacation is over, and on the first day of school, the class of 1 is over. I went to see him as usual after class. The first thing he saw was: Let's break up. At that time, we had just finished class and there were many classmates around. He offered to break up with me in front of so many people. My face was completely embarrassed at that time. If there is a crack, I will definitely go in. A girl was dumped by a boy, or in public, can you understand my feelings?
I was actually prepared for this because he didn't pay much attention to me during the summer vacation. I also simply said, well, let's break up. Later, my roommate asked me what was going on. I simply said that I broke up without revealing any details. After breaking up, I still do what I should do every day as usual, pretending that nothing happened and I was calm. In fact, I am habitually suppressing myself.
This matter has a great influence on me, which is beyond my expectation. In the next three months, I found myself suffering from depression, but I didn't see a psychiatrist for diagnosis, but I made sure I was suffering from depression. At that time, I was very tired every day, too tired to speak, my face was as heavy as an altar of stagnant water, and I just wanted to sleep every day. Most importantly, I didn't concentrate on my studies at all. I know every word in the book, but I can't string them together.
Only then did I really understand why people with depression committed suicide. At that time, I was also influenced by my family background, and my sense of value was particularly low. If nothing happens, I'm easily pessimistic. I don't think I have lived meaningless or wronged. I want to die, not because I like my first boyfriend, but because I can't stand depression.
Although sometimes I am unhappy and want to die, I am lucky to be hungry. There is always a faint light in my mind. Once I think like this, I will tell myself that it is wrong to think like this.
There is a faint light guiding me all the time. Because I was particularly scared at the thought of dying, I went to the playground near our dormitory for two days in the dark and cried twice. I woke up on the third day and felt that today was different from usual. Then I realized that my depression was completely released, and I got out of it.
The failure of this relationship seems to be the night before dawn, and people will grow up quickly after setbacks. After that, I was much better in interpersonal communication, and I became more willing to care about others and less selfish.
But I haven't made much progress in falling in love. Later, I talked about love twice, and I was not happy. The second time I fell in love, I told you a fragment, and everyone knew what state we were in. When I was in love with my second boyfriend, it was my birthday once. He gave me a box of strawberries as a birthday present and put them in a box that had already eaten chocolate. Later I went to his dormitory and saw a bunch of flowers. I asked him who it was for. He said it was for a female classmate. I was angry at that time. I'm your girlfriend, you send me strawberries, and he sends flowers to my female classmate's birthday. At that time, resentment had been planted in my mind. I thought I wanted you to like me more, and then I dumped you.
My second boyfriend doesn't really like me. He just wants to use me to make up for the emptiness below, but is it all his fault? No, because I chose him because I was empty inside.
Later, when a third boyfriend pursued me, I dumped the second boyfriend. The third boyfriend, who is very kind to me, has no spirit of self-sacrifice. He doesn't have to go to class or work just to see me. Although I enjoyed his kindness to me, I was under too much pressure, so I offered to break up with him.
Through these three relationships, we can see that I had a particularly high demand for emotional value at that time. What is emotional value? It is the six emotional needs of people mentioned by a teacher, which can be understood as importance, certainty or vanity and security.
Having a boyfriend means someone likes me. I'm not bad. It is vanity. I feel safe with my boyfriend. It's not that nobody loves me Having a boyfriend who is kind to me shows that I am valuable.
These three relationships are very representative. Through my first boyfriend, I can see that I am extremely poor, too short, so I want it too much, so there is no principle and no bottom line. The second one represents my emptiness and insecurity. I fall in love for the sake of falling in love. Through the third boyfriend, everyone can see how much I lack love. As long as others are kind to me, I can ignore his personality and values. As long as he is kind to me, I can stay with him.
When a person has a particularly high demand for emotional value, he is surrounded by love rat, because love rat can meet such a high demand.