At the same time, because the concept of "you only have one younger brother, you don't treat him well, you should know that your younger brother is the closest person in your life, and you can't suffer your younger brother no matter how hard you suffer" is widely instilled in your family, many women have become "helping brothers" that everyone can't avoid.
It is understandable to help your brother. After all, you are the closest person since you were born, but you must control a degree when you help your brother. If you help your brother too much, you will not only brand yourself as a helper, but also lead to an unhappy marriage, because marriage is not decided by one person, and you should consider the other half's ideas in everything.
Appropriate help to the family can not only ensure their marriage, but also make the husband have no objection, and will not let the family develop the bad habit of laziness and lack of progress. Therefore, women should not think that they often help their families to show their filial piety. In order to make the family face, this will only make their marriage fail, and let the family form the habit of looking for you in everything. Thus losing the motivation to work hard.
Therefore, in the face of family's help, you should take the stability of your marriage as the first factor, help if you can, and don't help if you can't. Before you help, you should consider with your other half before deciding, don't go your own way, and don't take it for granted that your relatives are relatives of the other party. In fact, the other party has no obligation to help your mother's family.
Recently, a fan wrote: "Sister Lin Jun, must it be wrong to help my family after marriage?" I don't think so. I don't think women should forget where their roots are after marriage. After all, her family is her closest relative. Even if helping her family affects my married life and causes my husband to leave me, I won't regret it. This is a matter of conscience for me. "
After receiving the letter from this fan, Lin Jun suddenly lost his temper. This kind of woman is a typical woman who only thinks about herself and her family and would rather hurt her husband and in-laws. She kept saying the word "conscience" and did everything to reassure herself. In this regard, Lin Jun can't help but ask: "When the marriage fails, will you feel at ease? When you help your family and affect your husband's family, you will be worthy of you. " "
This fan's name is Lei Lei. Growing up under the deliberate influence of her parents, she is extremely concerned about her brother. She wears whatever she likes. When her brother was slightly dissatisfied, she panicked and tried her best to help him. After Lei Lei got married, needless to say, his difficulties will definitely take the initiative to help solve them, thus forming the habit that his younger brother is overbearing and always looks for his "sister".
If Lei Lei didn't get married, the behavior between their brothers and sisters would not only be opposed, but also praised. However, after marriage, Lei Lei's behavior was obviously unpopular. Lei Lei met her husband through a blind date. Blind date means that you think I am good, I think you are pleasing to the eye, and naturally we walk together. At first, Lei Lei's husband was happy with their mutual love and help, and thought that Lei Lei was responsible and selfish.
However, after marriage, Lei Lei's husband found out how hasty the decision he had made. Lei Lei didn't help her brother as it seemed, but helped her unilaterally, even to the point of being morbid. At this point, Lei Lei's husband can only hope that she can change herself slightly in her future marriage and realize that marriage is more important to her younger brother.
But how can the thoughts soaked in the bones be changed by individuals? Although Lei Lei's husband earnestly told Lei Lei about the importance of marriage, without exception, Lei Lei directly interrupted her husband's next words and said angrily, "I am such a close brother in the world. My parents are gone, and I am still such a close person. I am not good to him, not only me, but you, as his brother-in-law, should be good to him and let my brother be carefree. "
If a woman is out of marriage, she can decide everything by herself first. But in marriage, the first consideration should be the idea of the other half and how to make her marriage last. Our attitude towards marriage should always be "abandoning her external factors for marriage", which includes endless help to her family. This may be a bit extreme, but marriage is very important to individuals. Without marriage, a small family will become a big family.
"Husband, he doesn't want to do my brother's previous job. Sitting in front of the computer every day is particularly boring. He wants to change his job. I also think that people who sit in front of the computer all the time will become stupid. I don't want my brother to become like this. You have many contacts and many ways. Help my brother find a job, find a job where he doesn't have to work all day and can go wherever he wants. After all, my brother likes freedom, so it's a deal, husband. "
Lei Lei's husband tried to refuse, but he got carried away without giving him a chance to speak. Although my husband hates what ray did, he had to do what he said in order to make him happy, but he knew it was not a good idea. After all, every time he helped his brother-in-law, his family's money would be less, but Lei Lei ignored it. In Lei Lei's mind, his marriage is far less important than his own family.
Such a person who takes "helping his brother" as his lifelong homework often loses more than he gains in the end. There should be no selfishness in marriage. It is a good thing to help her family. Most people will think that they will not interfere, but this kind of help should be limited. Anyone who considers others and affects the stability of his marriage will not have the best marriage.
Lei Lei's family is not rich, but Lei Lei doesn't care. This is not something he should consider. In Lei Lei's view, her husband is a wage earner who works for his family. Husband should put family first, even if he can't eat, even if he can't live. A woman with this idea will not be abandoned by her family, but by her husband's family and marriage.
"Husband, I tell you something. How much money is there at home now? My brother wants to buy a house. This is a piece of cake for you. " Lei Lei just finished, Lei Lei's husband suddenly got angry and sneered, "I can't be happy anymore. My family is poor now, let alone100000, I can't get it out. " After listening to her husband's words, Lei Lei directly retorted, "Where is the 50,000 yuan I married at the beginning? Take it out, that's my money, and I want to use it now. " Lei Lei's husband said, "You buy this and that for your brother all day, and you let me do this and that for your brother. Do you think there is money at home, you stupid woman? "
After listening to it, Lei Lei really liked such a thing, but she didn't give up because of it. Instead, she turned to neighbors to borrow money, and the name written on the loan was her husband's name. At first, Lei Lei's husband didn't know about it, but he didn't know until his neighbor came to the door. She immediately called Lei Lei and got a confirmation from Lei Lei. Later, Lei Lei's husband whispered, "Do you want to borrow a divorce agreement?"
Hearing her husband say this, Lei Lei felt a little strange. Why does a good couple say such a thing, but she is too lazy to find the deep reason? The ideas instilled by parents since childhood are deeply rooted and cannot be easily changed, so Lei Lei blames all this on her husband's inability to take care of his younger brother and fear of losing face, so he would say such a thing. But in places that Lei Lei can't see, there is already a big knife about to cut off the marriage between the two sides.
Lei Lei said that all this was for her own conscience, for her own roots, and at the same time, because of the different ideas instilled by her parents, her views on marriage were biased. We may or may not encounter such a thing in our life, but there will always be one or two exceptions among all sentient beings, giving her life to her family and her close relatives. But when a woman helps her family after marriage, she should ask herself whether she is really worthy of herself.
It is a good thing to help your family and brother properly, but you can't help them excessively, let alone tie yourself to your own bus and go on, forgetting what is behind you and becoming a vassal of your own family forever. Marriage is complicated. A marriage often contains many things and feelings, but women should be clear in marriage, know what they should and should not do, take marriage as the main body, and then radiate around. Once a woman, we should remember a truth: "Marriage is unique and unchangeable. What has changed is how to look at the eyes of parents and in-laws, and how to deal with their problems. Women should remember that marriage cannot be a vassal of others, and everything must be considered by themselves.