No matter at the gathering of relatives or sitting in Starbucks under the office building, you can always hear a series of similar complaints, such as "I don't think I am ugly, I have a good job and I am very enthusiastic." Why can't I find a boyfriend? " "I have a good income and a well-off family. Why can't I find a sister? "
In fact, it is easy to make people feel that they are good in all aspects. Most of the friends around me are out of social etiquette. Of course, it is impossible to tell you the sad truth, but only to comfort you "Oh, you are blind". The question is, are they really blind? I don't think so.
Humans may be ignorant, but the greed and instinct of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages in nature allow us to see good things at a glance. You've always wanted to fall in love, but you can't find someone. Besides fate and other factors, there must be your own reasons.
Reason one: You always look down on people around you.
Both boys and girls, probably from middle school, often complain that their peers are too naive; When I grow up, I will complain that the opposite sex in the social circle is not good enough.
This is a very embarrassing phenomenon.
You look down on the ordinary opposite sex and think that the other person is too loser, that is, you don't have cool work experience, you don't earn enough, and your family is too mediocre; You think the other person is not beautiful, gentle and considerate, virtuous and interesting.
When you look up, you find that a group of people are excellent enough, and 99.9% of them meet your mate selection needs. The only fly in the ointment is that they can't treat you as a real partner, let alone fall in love or something. Those goddesses and goddesses not only inherited good genes, but also spent a lot of time becoming relatively perfect people; Even if they are well-intentioned, compassionate and considerate of the people's sufferings, it doesn't mean that they will be with you.
If you are faced with the situation that you can't get up or down, you have two choices:
1. Make up your mind to reinvent yourself, that is, to find the best;
2. Accept the reality, start to feel the advantages of people around you, and choose the one that is closest to you.
I don't know how many people will choose one, please don't make up your mind impulsively, "I'm going to class soon" and "I'm going to run downstairs for 30 laps". Even the little brother who sells sweet potatoes on the roadside knows that it is easy to set up a stall in order to support his family. Similarly, it is not easy to keep studying, broaden your horizons, lose weight, whiten your skin and keep healthy.
If you can't do it, then choose the second way. This road may be good. Maybe when you turn around, there will be a shy, kind and upright young man waiting for you there.
Of course, the higher you go, the wider the scenery. The male god is interesting, knowledgeable, charming, intelligent and tolerant.
It is not necessarily wrong to be afraid of being tired and unwilling to go to bed. Being content with the status quo is also a life choice. Of course, you can choose to be single.
You just need to remember how much you want and how much you have to pay.
Reason 2: Your fanaticism scares everyone away.
My friend met a boy at an activity. Boys look very gentle, but they haven't talked for a few words, and boys immediately begin to flatter girls and say a lot of sensational words. My friend was scared to death and wanted to run away on the spot.
Don't think that only boys will do such a thing, and so will girls.
Catch a boy and harass him crazily for 24*7 days. As long as the other party is slightly negligent (obviously there is no special relationship between the two), girls begin to feel embarrassed about all kinds of grievances and make everything embarrassing.
The passionate pursuit we have seen in the movies, the handsome blond boy, stays up all night, except writing love poems and standing downstairs singing love songs; In sealed with a kiss, the heroine puts down her dignity and reason in order to overthrow the male god, and finally gets a happy ending.
But in real life, you are usually regarded as a psychopath. If that person doesn't treat you as a mental derangement, he is also worrying about nothing. ...
This is why we often see that many passionate and vigorous love always ends in breaking up. Because to die is to live, fanaticism itself is a kind of self-expression, which has nothing to do with "love"
The opposite sex can be chased, which is a very interesting thing, but it can't be crazy to exaggerate. At least you have to know what kind of person the other person is before you can express your good feelings.
Too fanatical emotions mostly come from brain tonic, self-fantasy, excessive lack of love. Enthusiasm will only make the other person feel scared and run away, and then you won't find anyone. Being rational, logical and normal will make you look more attractive.
Reason three: not enough face, not enough heart.
When I went to eat at noon, my friend said, "There is no aesthetic education in our education." "The only discussion about beauty is how noble and beautiful the aunt who sweeps the floor is." Not to mention that our admiration for ugliness is almost crazy.
We believe that the soul is noble, so the appearance does not need beauty, and dressing is superficial; I like to buy good-looking famous brands, and beautiful and quality things are even more money-worship; You must like to eat mutton skewers and roadside stalls, and it is politically correct to wear clothes for 30 yuan.
"Generally, people who have this idea are not beautiful enough, and their hearts are really not so beautiful." My friend said while smoking coffee.
I have met many talented people, none of whom are ugly.
Those ingenious professional men and women are often very good-looking. Although there is no objective statistical data, I still think that people's looks can reflect your social level and mental state; Appearance is positively related to the spiritual level.
When you are clean and beautiful, the first good impression you give others is already an advantage. No matter how miserable your life is, please try to look better.
The hair that girls don't like seems to be attracted by boys who haven't cut their hair for half a year, whose clothes are wrinkled, their shoes are dirty and they laugh obscene; Boys should not like girls with messy bodies and faded hair and nail polish.
If you want to make your life easier, if you want to be liked more by everyone, if you want to live a smoother life, if you want to live a better life, then-please try to look better. Appearance is not only natural, it can be improved by exercising, reading magazines, buying clothes, going to the dentist and spending time.
Reason 4: You are really lazy and hopeless.
"I don't want to go out for dinner at the weekend. I'm so tired. I might as well play games at home. "
"I don't want to talk to my friends on the phone. I might as well sleep more. "
"It's troublesome to meet new friends. I still watch TV series. "
"……."
Today, with the high development of science and technology, even if you hide at home every day, you can still live well. You can brush Weibo, watch American TV series, play games, and all kinds of animations with no moral integrity and heavy taste. Unfortunately, scientists have not yet provided a solution to falling in love at home. Please go out to socialize and find true love.
Socialization is first to mobilize all the resources around you, such as friends of colleagues and classmates. You can make more like-minded friends through one person. Secondly, you can attend some industry gatherings, which can not only expand more career opportunities, but also meet many like-minded friends; To say the least, Douban City also has many interesting activities.
If you feel that your social circle is small, you must socialize; If you feel fat, you must go swimming; If you think something is not working, you must move. I yell every day, but I can't insist on anything, but it's really not cute at all.
In comics, lazy boys and girls are nosebleeds, but in real life, the most common ending of lazy people is that they have no career, no social circle, no love object, accumulated a lot of fat, and stayed in the shared room to brush the web.
Reason 5: It is more boring than news broadcast.
"When you date a boring person, it's like being locked in a dark room and then taking away your mobile phone and novels, with nothing but empty walls and darkness."
If you forget where you saw this, I am impressed.
The general state of boring people is that their values are a little narrow, they like to tell jokes with no taste, treat stupid things as funny things, and get stuck in trivial matters ... To put it bluntly, boredom means too little input, so they can't output.
If you often get into a long embarrassment with the opposite sex, or others often open topics in social situations, you either can't keep up or always say inappropriate things, then you need to seriously consider whether you have invested too little.
In short, the solution to this problem is to read more books, broaden the world outlook and not be lazy. There is no shortcut, and there is no panacea.
What should I do if you ask me? ...
I think this is the way to find a partner and fall in love. Choose a person who likes you and you like it. However, let others like you, don't be willful, and don't show off your personality. You need to make yourself not so bad, find the right position and meet like-minded people.
I say, what if I can't find a lover?
I think it should be eight words-see yourself clearly and act.
I hope it will help you find a good partner as soon as possible.