Losing weight is not as simple as people think.
If you want to lose weight successfully, do you still stay in the understanding of holding your mouth and hugging your legs? Behind every dieter, is there a heavier psychological burden than weight?
Actually speaking, losing weight is really a topic as heavy as weight.
One of the truths of losing weight: the desire for food stems from the desire for love.
In the movie "Men and Women Who Lose Weight" starring Sammi Cheng, the heroine eats desperately to make up for the lack of love after being lovelorn. That means, it seems that you want to eat all the love you can't get through food. However, the tragic fact is that no matter how much you eat, you can't get the love you want; No matter how much you eat, you can't vent your frustration or hatred.
Speaking of hatred, l told me that she hated her mother.
Not all mothers are qualified to be mothers. L said that her mother is a very strong woman, occupying all the good things in the family, ignoring her daughter's request and being extremely selfish. Therefore, when I was a child, I had an inexplicable depression. Even when I rest at home, I don't want to come out of my hut, and I don't want to talk to my mother, let alone my mother pushing the door to talk.
Mother seldom praises her. Every time L gets excited about something, she gets derogatory and negative. So l grew up, and a voice in her heart kept saying to her: because you are not good enough, you don't deserve happiness, and you don't deserve to be treated well.
The shadow of childhood restricted L's later love, marriage and family.
L, who is over thirty, has gained a lot of weight recently. To say that she really didn't eat much, but she gained a lot of weight for some reason, so she had to embark on a difficult road to lose weight.
Losing weight is an unpleasant thing. Eat only one meal of rice at noon every day and put an end to meat and all vegetables; In the evening, she will jump rope, climb stairs and run for ten days. Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer. Once she was really hungry, she went to the pot-stewed restaurant and cut two Jin of beef, and wolfed it down into her mouth. The plan to lose weight fell through.
She fell into a deep remorse, which was exactly the same as the frustration of not getting the first place in the exam when she was a child, but another voice popped up: Is it wrong to be fat? What's wrong with being fat Do fat people have to be lazy and greedy? Thin people die every day without growing meat, and fat people get fat when they drink water. Why? Say that fat people have no perseverance? Bullshit! Then, she will vent like a big meal at the cost of getting fatter and fatter.
On the surface, it seems that L failed to lose weight because of overeating, but this is only the appearance, and the deep-seated reason is the lack of childhood love.
I still remember a psychology teacher who said that if a child didn't get enough love and security from his mother when he was a child, he would instinctively look for substitutes, and food is undoubtedly the most common substitute. Tasty, satiety and weight gain will bring people a good feeling, making them practical, safe, energetic and full of strength.
Once this substitution becomes a habit, even if you have the ability after a long time, once there is pressure, the pattern of childhood will repeat, and people will involuntarily need food to relieve stress and transfer pain. Feeling depressed, painful and angry will make people unable to digest and absorb food normally, so they accumulate a lot of sediments in the body over time but can't solve them.
This is the psychological root of obesity caused by overeating.
The second truth of losing weight: not losing weight is a weapon against the outside world.
Speaking of a fat man, that was a neighbor of mine many years ago. I still remember that at that time, his parents were not too worried about his obesity. They made a strict weight loss plan for him and spent a lot of money to hire a personal fitness trainer. The schedule was even full. People say that the child is smart and good-looking, but it is because of his obesity that he is about to step on the threshold of college. How can he be allowed to be obese?
I am eighteen years old, and I have the right to choose my own life! On one occasion, there was a fierce quarrel in their family. At that time, he said a famous saying, which made people stunned.
When did people lose their freedom to be fat?
To tell the truth, when I was in high school, I was also a fat paper because of the excess nutrition my mother gave me. I remember when I took my ID card photo for the first time in high school, I had a standard pie face. But my parents always say to me: it doesn't matter, as long as you are healthy, it is many times better than your skinny complaints! Well, my parents try their best to urge their children to lose weight, but they can do whatever they want. If I want to be fat, I will be fat. If it's a big deal, I'll buy clothes in a larger size. As it happens, there are no boys chasing girls' fat families, so I have to concentrate on my studies. But it took me years to find out. Of course, my parents have never said such things to me.
My parents have always been cold to me when I am clamoring to lose weight. I was surprised to find that the less they let me lose weight, the more I had to lose weight. It's amazing, and generate's perseverance at that time was amazing. When I graduated from college, my weight really fell to the most satisfactory double digits in history (of course, this achievement became an eternal memory after I got married and had children). And that fat neighbor, when I saw him again, he was fatter than when he was a child.
Later, in the process of studying psychology, we learned that most of us are closely related to each other's psychological and mental state except for objective factors such as genes, diseases and drugs. In the face of obesity, how to face and deal with obesity is highly related to psychology. The fat neighbor refused to lose weight in adolescence, expressing adolescent rebellion, because his family regarded obesity as the primary problem and ignored his other characteristics.
They stare at me all day long, and I turn myself into the virtue of love! Are you still staring at me all day? In a psychological group activity, the fat neighbor finally said what he wanted to say in his heart. He said that his family's eyes overwhelmed him, so he could only find his lightness and freedom by eating, sleeping and playing games.
When he realized that his refusal to lose weight had become his only weapon against the outside world, he finally let go.
After that psychotherapy, one year later, he successfully lost 20 pounds.
And I finally understand why I lost double digits when I graduated from college, because contrary to his situation, the less my parents wanted me to lose weight, the less I would show it to you, which became a way for me to resist authority at that time.
The third truth of losing weight: Who are you losing weight for?
D always looks disdainful every time he sees a successful case of losing weight.
I know, in fact, D has unspeakable difficulties in his heart.
She has a higher vocational education, which is quite different from her husband with a postgraduate degree. According to her, her husband married her because his first love failed on impulse. So after marriage, she always felt that she was the one who was rejected. My husband can't do anything, and my mother-in-law is suspicious, so she has to face the most realistic problem of losing weight after giving birth to nearly 200 pounds!
How serious is this problem? She said that since the birth of the child, her husband has been mocking her, meaning that lying on your stomach has become the highest point of your whole body, which has caused this pillow person to have no interest in sex and has not made out with her for a long time.
So D found a cold fact in despair and helplessness, that is, in the environment where her husband doesn't hurt, she doesn't love and her mother-in-law doesn't like it, she can only rely on herself if she wants to reshape herself. Therefore, when the child goes to kindergarten, D decisively reports to the class to recharge.
You can't blame her, because for her, losing weight really only needs one motivation. For any normal person, relationship is the biggest motivation for us to realize ourselves, and the most important relationship is parents, couples and children. And her difficulties are clear at a glance. Her weak emotional foundation, her postpartum husband's dislike and her inferiority have all become stumbling blocks to lose weight. It is really difficult to lose weight successfully in this depression and hopelessness.
Of course, in addition to the three types of people summarized above, there is another type of people who are already very thin, but still feel that they are not thin enough. For example, it is not enough for a person to be obviously thin, and it is not enough for a person to be thin enough to become XS. Most of these people are influenced by the current elitism, and they are held back by the so-called fat people who have no future or even poor weight control, what else can they do, and so on.
Deep down, they will never be satisfied with themselves. They agree with the standards and requirements of society too much to accept and love themselves unconditionally. They are typical perfectionists, demanding themselves in all aspects. In the matter of losing weight, they even associate weight with Excellence, happiness and self-worth. Therefore, such people tend to achieve secular success, but their happiness is surprisingly lacking.
Losing weight is not only weight, but also heart weight. No wonder some people say that everyone who loses weight has an overwhelmed heart.