Hello, I was in a similar state to you not long ago. The living conditions during that period can only be described as a mess: sub-health, unemployment, confusion, anxiety, pain, fear of going out and doing nothing at home all day, lying in bed thinking, sleepless all night. So let me talk about how I adjust myself.
First, running.
Running can be said to be the most correct and meaningful thing I have done this year. In order to get myself out of the depressed mood as soon as possible, I set myself a goal, that is, it can't thunder for 5 kilometers every day, and the time is unlimited. Climb to the end if you can't run. It was difficult at first, but later I ran more easily and happily. It has been running for more than two months now.
Running is certainly not magical, nor is it omnipotent. But since running, it has really changed my mental outlook and I feel that I have more upward energy. Compared with the previous self-pity, now I will trust myself more and have more confidence to do many things that I didn't dare to do before. When a person's heart changes positively, every seemingly trivial thing he actively does will eventually accumulate, from quantitative change to qualitative change, and life will change quietly without knowing it.
Therefore, if you really want to change yourself, you might as well take action first, even if it is to cultivate a small daily habit, such as running, fitness, weight loss and so on.
I found that there was no more useful method. Many times, when people face some encounters, they will be defeated by their own hearts and be in constant fear, but this is a sign that your life has reached the point where you have to change. So, don't think about it, try to start and change it first. Don't think that it doesn't matter if you don't change. If you don't change yourself, there's nothing worse. It's worse. I've been there myself.
Second, start with small things and live in the present.
How to start with small things? Just like building blocks, find something you like or are good at, and do it slowly to the extreme. Maybe this thing is small, maybe it's running or even getting up early, but through this thing, you can help yourself find a kind of ability to "identify with your own value". When our ability is more and more extensive, self-confidence is gradually established. This is what I am doing now. I try to do it one by one. I'm not in a hurry or anxious.
As for why live in the present? Because now we have everything we want, and now is the only thing we have. What happened in the past has nothing to do with our "this moment", and what will happen in the future is not a problem to be considered at this moment. Focusing on "this moment" means doing what you can do now seriously and carefully. Only by grasping the present can we change the future to a certain extent!
Besides, you can try to read more books and communicate with others. Don't be afraid of being rejected or despised. Sometimes fear may just be our imagination. All the above points have benefited me a lot.
Recommended bibliography: the courage to be hated, inferiority and transcendence, temporary strength and living method.
Chinese New Year is coming, and 20 19 will soon pass. If you want to change, you need to act quickly. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me, because I am also working hard on the road of change.
I'm Tan, an introverted post-80s girl who is striving for self-confidence. I hope my story can give you some inspiration.
First, how are you, my friend?
To tell the truth, the world has only the same psychological feelings. No empathy.
I can only say to you at the moment; Even if I throw you into the incubator, you won't feel warm.
Even if I put you in the crowd now, you will feel lonely and depressed.
I can understand this frustration. I had some similar mentality and feelings with you before.
You don't change your mind and try to get out of your psychological predicament. Erase the shadow in your heart, and your mind will slowly sink. Become an escapist habit!
And when you face the crowd, you have a serious low-touch mood when you treat your friends!
It feels like everyone is against you! There is a feeling that the whole world is drunk and I wake up alone!
Even if I say a thousand words here, it's hard to untie the knot in your heart.
Heart knot ... you need to untie the bell and tie the bell.
If; Loneliness can't make you strong, so admit yourself. Find your own reasons. The real crux!
Now, yes! Get out now. Look up at the sky. The sky is vast. Only the boundless sky in the world can contain everything about you? ! ! !
I think ... if you really have feelings in your heart, you will understand what I said! Change yourself!
Hello, as you said, this situation lasted for 5 years, during which you didn't go to the hospital. Is there anything to hide? I don't know if you know anything about psychiatry. What you described in your question is not enough to make it clear what kind of disease you belong to, but I can provide you with some criteria for the disease. See if you have such a performance. It is best to see a doctor in time to prevent the illness from getting worse.
Characteristics and manifestations of depression Nowadays, many people will feel depressed because of events, and more sensitive people will associate themselves with depression or other serious diseases. In the medical field, the diagnosis of depression needs relevant standards, not suffering from depression if you feel unhappy; And our normal depression can be alleviated through the adjustment mechanism, or when we are unhappy, with the company of family and friends, find something we like to do and divert our attention, and the sense of depression will disappear; However, depression is different. The most obvious manifestation is that people often feel sad and sad for no reason, or magnify the influence of very small things infinitely, be overly pessimistic, and confine themselves to a negative world without thinking about the positive side. At this time, even if friends or family members come to help patients ease their emotions or let patients do what they like, it will not help. Lack of interest is the most important experience of depression. In addition, slow brain response, decreased activity, general malaise and low self-evaluation are all feelings that begin to appear after suffering from depression.
Is it possible that there are other mental illnesses?
You feel depressed, sensitive, inferior, socially fearful, introverted and dull. Everyone has experienced these psychological reactions and situations at different stages, more or less, light or heavy, and I have experienced them myself.
If you can really diagnose depression, you must take medication as soon as possible, and relieving symptoms is the most important thing. Compared with diseases, the side effects of drugs are obvious.
The problem is that this situation is not necessarily depression. In some psychiatrists, if you don't know and care deeply about your emotions, and you don't describe them directly, and the symptoms have lasted for five or six years, the doctor may treat you with drugs according to depression.
Drugs, through some kind of "inhibition", have a direct effect, gradually and forcibly inhibiting your "paranoia" and excessive "sensitivity" ... Just like the mechanism of antipyretics, the fever has gone down, but the root cause of "inflammation" has not been lifted. If it weren't for depression, this treatment would not be worth the loss.
If you are just some kind of "depression" similar to depression, then it has something to do with your personality, something that makes you extremely painful and anxious, so you have never come out. This can be achieved through reasonable psychological counseling and self-awareness. As those external factors gradually fade away, your depression will gradually disappear.
I suggest that you conduct self-analysis and self-awareness first. This process won't take long. Even if it is really depression, it will not affect your follow-up consultation and treatment. It will only help you to perceive your emotions more deeply, which is also the key to solving the problem.
Because, now because of the popularity of depression-related knowledge, on the one hand, more people realize that this is a disease and can intervene as soon as possible, which is of course a very good phenomenon.
However, at the same time, many people are too nervous because they know the existence of this disease. When they have similar emotional and psychological conditions, they think they have depression, so they are depressed all day and go to see a doctor. If doctors also say it's depression ... then they are more afraid and scared ... gradually, you become a person who must rely on drugs to control depression, and finally you really become depressed.
Last April, after climbing for a long time, I was a little flustered (I didn't have a heart attack), so I searched online and got a fright. ...
So I feel even worse. I always feel that my heart is beating abnormally ... I went to the hospital for examination. At my request, I have done various examinations, including electrocardiogram, coronary angiography, color Doppler echocardiography, myocardial enzymes and 24-hour dynamic electrocardiogram ........................................................................................................................................ But I still feel abnormal, and I'm in a panic. Later, the doctor said that you may have a "heart neurosis", not a heart disease, but a "heart disease".
In fact, I feel sad because I was "scared" by the information I found. I'm not sick at all. Climbing mountains continuously is too tiring. It is normal for everyone to feel a little flustered in a short time after going down the mountain. So, I relaxed myself and stopped thinking about these things. Listening to music and playing guzheng after work every day, the discomfort disappeared in a few days.
Therefore, don't easily think that you have depression and need treatment. Self-awareness, a few days is enough, first stabilize your emotions and try according to the following methods of awareness. If it really doesn't work, go to see a psychologist again, and be sure to go to a big hospital to find a famous doctor. The diagnosis of this disease is a great test for doctors' clinical experience.
How to judge whether it is depression or simple depression? There are many questions and answers and tests on the Internet ... If only those tests are used to determine whether it is depression, many people are afraid of depression. Those simple tests have little effect, so it is not recommended to take self-diagnosis as the standard, which will cause greater psychological pressure.
"Awareness" is actually not difficult. It has a very positive effect on our psychology and personality. How to detect (or detect)? Insight is to "jump out" from yourself and observe this "sensitive, inferior, introverted and dull" self as "another person".
As another you, see what kind of thinking mode is behind your behavior; What is the feeling under the thinking mode; What kind of emotions do you feel below? What kind of harm is there under the emotion; What kind of fear and fear are there under injury; What kind of desires are there under fear and fear; Under desire, what is the loss and satisfaction of desire; The deepest place under the loss and satisfaction of desire is our own value system.
The answer to your question is:
All these insights help you see yourself clearly. I know the source of all my emotions.
If your real situation is the above analysis, then I can tell you for sure that no matter how long your symptoms appear, you are not depressed. You just have emotional problems. Manage your negative emotions and those feelings of inferiority will disappear.
Then, you enter the second step of "awareness", which is "awakening".
Awakening, in layman's terms, means that you have sensed your emotion, so accept it first. Accept your inferiority, sensitivity, introversion and dullness, don't deny yourself, let yourself feel and appreciate every emotion completely and connect with it closely.
Look at your sensitivity and inferiority with a compassionate eye. You know, it's not your fault, but the environment in which you grew up. Your parents, your relatives and your friends have never given you a reassuring, warm and practical spiritual support, which is why you are so self-abased and sensitive. This is not your own fault, so put away your self-blame and inferiority complex. This seems to be your business, but it has nothing to do with yourself.
However, from today on, you are responsible for every emotion. Being the master of emotions is not controlled by emotions. Epiphany, awakening. Later, starting from today, we should deeply understand that if we want to get rid of that self-sensitive inferiority, we should learn to love and comfort our emotions, not to suppress them, and not to suppress any emotions when they come, but to learn to be completely with each emotion.
When happiness is about to leave, those who insist on staying will suffer; When the pain comes, forcibly drive it away, and the pain will be deeper. Learn to live with your emotions, jump out of your body and comfort your injured self;
I know you are very sad and painful at the moment, but it doesn't matter. Just immerse yourself in pain and feel it again and again, and don't try to drive it away. Slowly, you will be surprised to find that this is all. What else can you do?
So, you are no longer so miserable and depressed.
Don't impose those "should" or "shouldn't" on yourself. In this world, there are not so many should and shouldn't. You are you, and only you know your emotions and moods at all times best. As long as you don't hurt others, pamper yourself in the way you want most, forgive yourself, reconcile all your emotions, allow yourself to be sad, allow yourself to feel inferior, allow yourself to be sad and allow yourself to be sensitive. ...
That's what I am. I didn't hurt anyone, so don't care about anyone's comments and comments except myself. In this way, their sensitivity and inferiority will be gradually eliminated.
I don't care, it is your most invincible "emotional weapon". Next, find out your inferiority complex and see if they really deserve your inferiority complex. Everyone has his own advantages and disadvantages. Don't always see his own shortcomings and ignore his own advantages. Learn to forgive and appreciate yourself.
You said that you can't connect to the phone and talk to people, but it's actually caused by inferiority. It's not that you are not confident, but that you have nothing to be confident about.
This is not difficult. You can cultivate your own specialties according to your own interests. There are many training institutions in society now, and you can also learn from the Internet.
When you have a certain "specialty", you will first feel a kind of confidence and temperament from the bottom of your heart. Because, those things that are called "specialties" are not owned by everyone, nor are they understood by everyone, and you have just mastered what others can't, so on the one hand, this can greatly enhance your self-confidence.
On the other hand, learning anything requires "concentration". When you focus on something, the negative emotional impact will be diluted by this focus. Learning a specialty itself can divert your sensitive and inferiority complex. After you have studied for a period of time and basically mastered the skills, you will really have special skills, which will also increase your self-confidence, increase your conversation with others and win the appreciation and envy of others. At that time, you will unconsciously become confident.
There is no need to deliberately want to be "confident". Self-confidence is brought by "self-confidence", not superficial. I have a female classmate who used to feel inferior and didn't want to communicate with others. Depressed for more than two years. She is mainly because her body shape has changed too much after giving birth. She used to weigh about 100 kg, but now she weighs more than 150 kg. She is really fat. To be honest, this situation is really sad. She said that every time she buys clothes, she feels extremely inferior and is often impatiently said by the shopping guide: No need to look, there is no size suitable for you. She has tried everything, but she can't reduce it. Finally gave up.
Later, I suddenly found out that she posted a photo of herself practicing yoga in a circle of friends. Although she is still so fat, she is full of spirit and confidence. It is really enviable that she can make those difficult yoga moves so standardized. You don't think she is not beautiful or too fat at all, but you just admire: my god, how hard she has to work to practice like this ... this action is so beautiful.
To get rid of inferiority and sensitivity, it is better to start from small things. Let's act from now on. Cultivate a hobby of your own, even if it is playing a game, learning a musical instrument, practicing yoga, learning some software that may be used in your work, and using the software very skillfully. ...
These things can change from quantitative change to qualitative change in daily persistence, and finally form their own specialties, thus enhancing self-confidence. When you persist day after day and become a "little expert" in this field, your sensitivity, inferiority complex and depression ... have long since disappeared.
On the contrary, I am full of energy and confidence. It not only increases self-confidence, but also gives itself another "means of making a living". Because, now any of your specialties can basically bring some amateur income and be a "slash youth". This is the best for both worlds.
Finally, I'd like to remind you that if all the above doesn't work, you will be depressed and miserable for no reason, and see a doctor as soon as possible. Don't be afraid to see a doctor and delay the course of the disease.
Finally: emotional things are not terrible. Even if you fall into the abyss of emotion, you can gradually move towards sunny spring through your own courage and persistence. Today is dark, tomorrow is gloomy, but the day after tomorrow is bright. Be aware of this and take action. Don't just stare at your own weaknesses and shortcomings and feel sorry for yourself, thus giving up such a beautiful tomorrow. Wish you get out of this haze as soon as possible.
-End-
You can't change the world, you must change yourself. If you have more contact with people, you will get unexpected gains.
My friend, you have a miserable life, and a large part of it comes from your own heartfelt hatred of yourself. It's rare to see so many negative comments about yourself. If you evaluate yourself as you say:
If we give ourselves a perfect score of 10, your evaluation of yourself is simply terrible, with a negative value of 7 points. In other words, in life, 70% of the time, you are miserable.
I think, if I am a good friend in real life. Today, Saturday, I called you "Hey, let's go to relax together tonight, shall we?"
Your answers may be "Oh, forget it", "Nothing interesting" and "Is there anyone else?" Wait a minute. Instead of simply replying "Yes!"
To change yourself is to change your mind. However, this is not a matter of one or two sentences, nor is it a matter of one or two days. You insist on the following three points every day. See you in the comments section in half a year.
1, you should learn not to hate yourself. Only in this way can others like you. You have never seen a face full of decadence, bitter gourd face, and a look of "letting the right in" because you have been hit by life. If you look in the mirror, you are probably just like that man.
Your negative energy is reflected in your face, that is, you are always saying to others, "Don't come near me, let alone talk to me, I won't talk to you." . . "
From now on, we should keep good makeup. You don't have to wear fashionable clothes, but you must be clean and tidy. Simple cosmetics will help you regain your confidence that you are not ugly.
Take 3 minutes every day and say to yourself, "XX, you see you are getting more and more confident. Your eyes are shining, which is a sign of good luck, and you will be happier and happier. "
I recommend a book "Mirror Practice" to you, which is one of a series of books written by Louis Hay in the United States to improve personal self-confidence and psychological self-help. It will help you.
You should learn at least one exercise method to make yourself like it. There are many ways to cure depression complex, but besides related drug accidents, the most effective one is exercise.
There are many kinds of sports, such as running, mountain climbing, swimming, playing ball games and so on. As long as it can make you consume your physical strength, sweat and improve your physical strength.
My personal favorite form of exercise is walking at night. Sometimes I go for a walk in the morning. And set a sports goal for myself, walking15km every week. I usually choose to walk for three nights, more than 5 kilometers at a time.
You can adjust this according to your physique. You can walk 10 kilometers a week, reaching more than 3 kilometers each time, and so on.
3. Increase your social skills, starting with public welfare organizations or volunteer activities. Now you have a phobia about interpersonal communication, because you sincerely distrust others, exclude others, and are afraid that others will treat you with "colored glasses".
Then, let's start with love activities. They are all positive people. At least they will not attack others with words at will, but will warm each other with love.
And in your activities, through your own efforts, you will be recognized and appreciated by others, and you will gradually find confidence in interpersonal communication. Later, I gradually approached others.
Just like me, I have been participating in local volunteer associations, volunteer associations. When you have time, you don't need to reap material rewards, just release your inner pressure.
In interpersonal communication, we should correct our mentality in order to get happiness from each other. Neither inferiority nor pride. Life is actually very dull, and there are not so many cool waves.
Last words: I hope that the above three aspects can help you get out of your inner shadow and predicament as soon as possible.
Of course, it is also important to insist on yourself, and give yourself half a year. These methods should persist for half a year without interruption.
If you see the work "Ordinary World", it may have a positive impact on you, and then rekindle your hope and confidence in life.
The pain is only temporary. Get rid of fear and face yourself. It is suffering that sharpens the mind and bravely faces its own shortcomings.
You need to step out of your comfort zone and take a solid step. Don't panic in the face of strange eyes. When others look at you, you look at them. Just let it go. I've seen it No big deal. It's all one nose and two holes.
You can talk to yourself first, or you can record your own language in words, no matter right or wrong.
Find something to do, and you won't think about it when you are busy.
I suggest reading more books. Maybe you can find the answer you are looking for in the books.
I hope I can help you.
I feel that your mind is empty and your heart is numb now. There is no life. It means that you are depressed and even decadent. Maybe you were stimulated and hit. Has been disheartened. But this is not life, this is called cowardice and dare not take responsibility. It is not only irresponsible to family and society, but also irresponsible to oneself. Life is never smooth sailing. Nine times out of ten things will go wrong. You can't back down when you encounter setbacks. You can't give up Do what you can, do yourself step by step, and your future will be wonderful.
Give you a prescription:
You go to a crowded square, stand in the middle and shout "Kill! Kill! Kill! " Who dares to laugh at you, you run over and punch him in the chest! Don't be afraid even if you go to jail and behead!
You are not afraid of anything in the future. ……