Depression has been painful for ten years, thanks to the incredible Tibetan Scripture, which saved me from the brink of death!
Ten years of depression, want to commit suicide every day.
In the fifth grade, when I was 1 1 years old, I took sleeping pills once, fainted, was found by my neighbors, and was pumped to save my life; When I was 20 years old, I couldn't stand it because my mother had a bad mouth. I scratched my wrist twice and got six stitches. What's more, this decade of adolescence, setbacks and family misfortunes, all kinds of pain and suffering, is just like struggling in the mire every day. I can't stand the slightest thing and want to die. Watching parents quarrel, scold and fight since childhood, the whole family is depressed because of contradictions.
A lot has happened at home. At the age of eight, grandpa died of stomach cancer and was tortured to skin and bones. /kloc-When I was 0/7 years old, my grandmother also died of esophageal cancer. My parents are under great mental pressure, and my children grew up in this depressed family. Junior high school was squeezed out by classmates and had no friends. He was insulted and slapped by bad girls in public, and often beaten and scolded by his mother at home. In adolescence, he finally broke out and began to compete with his mother, making the family more depressed and uncomfortable. And I also started a long career of depression, gloomy adolescence, hate everything, and believe that only anger and sharpness can protect me.
The university lived in a damp dormitory, and its health began to deteriorate until it was too weak to speak. I lost sleep for a year and lost a lot of hair. Later, although insomnia recovered, I still often dreamed of dirty places, dead bodies in the underworld and so on.
When you don't believe in Buddhism, you will be awakened by Amitabha in a nightmare. But at that time, I came into contact with Taoism and Chinese medicine, and gradually began to believe in the existence of ghosts and gods, and I remained in awe of everything. I don't know when to quarrel with them again, but I want to jump down the stairs. I didn't have a job for more than a year, but thanks to my boyfriend who took care of me when I was depressed and upset, we read, wrote and chatted together. He taught me to follow my parents, not to talk back to them, and to call them again to apologize and relax. Even if I slap him in the face in anger and make him temporarily deaf, I will forgive me.
For me, he cooks and washes clothes, tolerates me and loves me. Thank him, my benefactor! In his warmth, my selfish, indifferent and gloomy heart gradually melted, and I knew what giving was, that I had to understand the hardships of my parents, and that it was not easy to live in a foreign country. I began to face my heart gradually, but when I was depressed and upset, I was still selfish and hurtful. I have a bad mouth, and I will attack my boyfriend and hurt each other. At the beginning of June 2009 165438+ 10, we arrived at the Baima Temple in Luoyang. Although I don't believe in Buddhism, I still have respect for temples and worship Buddha and Bodhisattva. In temples and Longmen Grottoes, I experienced tranquility and peace. I've been in poor health, but I'm not tired after walking for more than two hours-you know, I'm a person who can only breathe on my chest every day. When I went back to my residence, I read on the Internet that reading Tibetan scriptures is good for the dead, because I often dreamed of going back to my childhood house and seeing my grandmother. In my dream, I was kind and scared. I thought: At least it didn't hurt, but it was better for the dead.
In February of 65438+, I began to chant Buddhist scripture. Although I was a stranger, my mind was full of distractions, my manners were a bit chaotic, I didn't believe in Buddhism, and I was still a meat wine. But after studying for seven or eight days, when I woke up one morning, I seemed to dream that my grandmother smiled at me. Since then, I have never dreamed of her old man's house.
Later, my boyfriend collected the enlightenment of the old monk Xu Yun. I read the scriptures and he reads. Somehow, both of them gradually became Buddhists. A natural process. At that time, my hair didn't fall off, and my chest didn't seem so stuffy, but I don't think it was the role of Tibetan scriptures. Depression is still serious. Once something goes wrong, it is unbearable and easy to be anxious, worried and afraid. Vent your bad feelings with the people closest to you. You can't control it, and you will regret it afterwards. At the beginning of 20 10, I went back to my parents' house and was frustrated in finding a job. But I was surprised to find: I don't want to die! In the past, nothing as depressing as finding a job made me want to commit suicide. But I have read twenty or thirty Tibetan scriptures intermittently this year, and I don't want to commit suicide! This discovery surprised me. Moreover, from February 20 10, I was released, and I began to volunteer in April, all to change my luck. Later, I met a great Chinese doctor. Through his students, I met a very pure, solemn and compassionate monk. Master told me to read 600 Tibetan scriptures. She saw at a glance that my fortune was bad and all kinds of hidden personality defects showed that I couldn't find a good one even if I got a job. Seeing my distractions, Master told me that I must meditate on Amitabha in my heart and surrender my distractions. Master said that although the present job is manual work, it is beneficial. Because I am not suitable for thinking, I want to be clean. In this way, I began to read the Tripitaka, twice a day, insisted on being a vegetarian, let go, and replaced my troubled thoughts with the holy name of Amitabha. When I read more than 100 Tibetan scriptures, I tried my best to suppress my delusions and gradually found that my body and mind began to get healthy. Manual labor also makes me strong, and I won't be tired when I walk a long way. Although I don't earn much money, I will let it out when I have time, and my relationship with my parents will be eased. And I went to the temple and worshipped Confessions of Liang Huangbao twice, which was a turning point in my life. The first time I went to Boshan Zhengjue Temple to worship the confession of Liang Huangbao. I met a compassionate brother who gave me free online consultation and medical treatment. After taking the medicine for two months, the chest was obviously smooth and the liver depression was not so serious. After the second confession, I actually found a relatively easy job and learned something, which corresponds to my major. In less than a year, I have lived a normal life, got out of the haze and got along well with my parents. My boyfriend is also very happy with my change, and the atmosphere at home is obviously different. I feel that feng shui is much better, and my home is no longer dark and gloomy, and I don't feel so cold. My parents and I are all very happy. Although my mother had cancer and had an operation, her body was better than before. Her once dull and gloomy skin was conditioned by Chinese medicine, and she returned to her merits and became clear and white. Although I still swear and nag, I'm much better. I'll laugh it off and let it go. My mother has a good personality and seldom quarrels with my father. I will often talk to them about traditional culture and the actions of sages. Father began to like the way of Zhuangzi, and mother was more open-minded than before. I explained the benefits of not eating meat to my parents from the perspective of Chinese medicine and health preservation. I seldom eat meat at home, and I am a vegetarian. Although my boyfriend and I are separated because of work, we are emotionally better. Together or not together, it is the growth of * * * that supports us.
We don't approve of young people living together without marriage, because every step has to pay a price, and I don't know if the next step can bear it. Then protect yourself, refuse to live together before marriage, and refuse adultery.
Good boyfriends are hard to come by, but parents should be grateful for raising them for more than 20 years. Without the hard work and efforts of parents, there would be no growth of children.