20 17 1 1 month, the comprehensive two-child policy will be officially implemented for two years. Whether you live or not, you still become an autistic family that has already met the two-child policy. Are parents willing to have a second child to take care of the first autistic child? The second child has to bear such great pressure from birth. How will they face it when they grow up?
About having a second child, whether you are born or not may be just your choice. But for families with autism, it is not a question of choice, but a question of dare, and whether the second child is still autistic.
At this year's National People's Congress, Liu Dajun, a member of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, suggested giving subsidies to families with two children to reduce their financial burden. However, for autistic families, the pain of "not being born", the regret of not being born and the time of not being able to wait have become the heavy pressure of their difficult choices. Who can really understand the various flavors?
In previous Weibo, for "star parents, would you choose to have a second child?" The results of the questionnaire show that 50% of parents choose "Yes, at least someone takes care of the stars when they are old"; 38.9% of parents choose "no, it is unfair to both children"; There are also 1 1. 1% parents who are "hesitant".
Even if a choice is made, for most autistic families who want to have a second child, this kind of courage and helplessness is also a torment and bet.
Do you have a second child? Not every story has good memories.
Not everyone can understand the entanglement of autistic families: children have autism and the risk of having a second child is as high as 30%. They are afraid that they don't have the energy to take care of the boss, which is unfair to the second child. Who will take care of the lonely "stars" when they are old; Time, energy and money are not enough, and I am worried that I can't give the boss the best care; Erwa was under great pressure and could not enjoy fair treatment since she was a child. ...
Facing the attention of celebrity families, the eight celebrity mothers in the news have their own stories, and the two baoxing mothers also have their own situations and opinions. And why two treasures? Xiangma from Wuhan has experienced ten years of twists and turns, which can be roughly divided into five stages: want-decide whether to want-or not-the second treasure after health care.
Perhaps, the following stories of two other celebrity mothers also have certain reference significance.
Zhao Juan is the parent of Jinan Xiao Ai Rehabilitation Center for the Disabled. Her son Yang Yang is an autistic child, aged 13. Zhao Juan was glad that he bravely gambled on having two children.
Zhao Juan has been doing rehabilitation training with Yang Yang and went to a special education school on 20 10. "Now children can take care of themselves, and emotional problems are not big." However, Zhao Juan decided to have two children out of concern for their children's adulthood. Her thought was, "Let's go. I hope that Yang Yang has a companion and can go to the foster care institution to see him during the second child holiday. " On the other hand, she admits, she also wants to live a normal life and enjoy complete family affection.
However, the child's father once refused, fearing that the second child was also autistic.
Zhao Juan was adamant and determined to take a gamble. She is worried that if she doesn't seize the opportunity to have a second child, she may regret it in a few years.
At the age of 40, Zhao Juan gave birth to a healthy daughter. "Looking back now, I'm glad I made the right bet."
Another star mother, Liu Li, chose to be strong with her son wholeheartedly, even if it was only for one day.
From 19, she brought up her son with autism. Although she is only 46 years old, Liu Li's hair is nearly half white. 20 16 The fiery second child tide didn't affect her at all.
Liu Li didn't think about it. 10 years ago, when she was carrying out rehabilitation training in the field with Zhuang Zhuang, she saw that many families with autism gave birth to a second child. But at that time, both her husband and the old man opposed it. I hope she will take care of Zhuang Zhuang wholeheartedly.
Liu Li is also worried about the increased risk of autism in the second child. It also stems from another worry, "I was not the only one who was shaken in those years. Many families with autism are troubled by this problem and want to have another one, fearing that time, energy and money are not enough; I am worried that it is unfair to the boss, and I am afraid that education is not good for the second child. "
More importantly, among the autistic families that Liu Li knows, there are not a few who want two children, and there are not many successful educations.
As an "experienced person" who has been shaken, Liu Li believes that if there are enough economic conditions, the child's autism is not too serious, and the mother has the ability to educate families with two children, she can consider giving birth to two children; And if the economic conditions are not very good, it is better to spend more time with the only child than to be too busy.
Chen Hui, 35, is a young father, and his autistic son just went to kindergarten. "While he is young, bring him as much as you can. After all, your energy is limited. We are persisting now, and our hearts are full of hope, hoping that he will be better in the future. I feel that if we want a second child, it feels like giving up hope for him. " When talking about whether there will be two children in the future, Chen Hui said that he hasn't decided yet. "It's possible."
There are also differences within autistic families, some persistent and some hesitant, but this kind of entanglement is quite difficult.
Opinions vary: what are they entangled in?
Autistic families have a particularly painful decision about whether to have a second child: on the one hand, there is already an autistic child at home, and the family especially hopes to have a healthy child, so that the child can take care of the autistic boss in the future; On the other hand, after experiencing such a painful family, they dare not have a second child, because for them, they never thought that this kind of thing could happen to them, and they were particularly afraid that the second child would get autism.
In the discussion about whether to have a second child, all eight mothers in the story have their own empathy.
Xiang Ma said: I once regretted trying to put Bauer back in my stomach. I feel guilty if I can't take care of Dabao now. But on the whole, I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Before, the whole family had been fighting autism and living a military life. Lian Xiao has a sad background, so it is difficult to relax wholeheartedly. Now, the first thing anyone does when he enters the house is to tease Bauer. We all sincerely appreciate the happiness of a life exploring the world, and the laughter of our family is hearty.
Mother Shan feels so sorry. I found Bauer super selfish and regretted asking Bauer. I thought Bauer could take care of Dabao, but I didn't expect her to be extremely selfish and compete with Dabao everywhere. When Bauer went to kindergarten, we had less energy to take care of and educate Dabao.
Netizens have also expressed their opinions and suggestions.
Some netizens said: I am not a parent, but I have seen many parents choose to have a second child on the grounds that there is still someone who can take care of the boss after my death. In fact, I think this idea is unfair to the second child. On the other hand, for parents, this is a gamble. Although the second child is a normal child in the families I have contacted, think about how much pressure these parents have to make this decision.
Some netizens pointed out that parents' ideas are simple. If children are better able and intervene well, at least they can take care of themselves and survive in the future. At most, I will be less social, have no friends, grow up in college and be self-reliant. Try not to give birth, because the risk is too great. Generally, those who choose to have a second child are mostly the first one with poor ability or even poor ability. It seems that they have no other choice, but the risk is greater.
There is also a second child who is autistic, which is really worse.
So if there are such parents, he suggested that they should be seriously considered.
The star mother who chose not to be born also gave her own reasons. I'm not giving birth. In fact, I like children very much, and I also enjoy the family happiness that is common but rare for me.
The reason why they don't want to regenerate is simple, and the economic pressure is too great.
Some people even pointed out directly that having another child is unfair to both the present children and the newborn children.
Unwanted families also have their own reasons: gambling is not easy, and they dare not gamble on a baby all their lives. If it is normal, it will hurt him, because he has to take care of his brother. If it is not normal, it will harm the whole family! Not to mention the odds, I have seen a family of two problem dolls, more than once!
The "rebirth" of parents of autistic children means helplessness in the face of unreachable social acceptance, disillusionment of some kind of hope and inheritance of their own responsibilities. When another life is born, it will give parents the feeling that "my responsibility for autistic children is expected to be completed".
Students need education, and they have heard what others say.
Now some experts say that families with autism have a greater risk of having a second child with autism. But this risk does not mean that children with autism must be born. In fact, we also see that it is normal for families with autistic children to have a second child.
Many star mothers who gave birth to a second child gave pertinent advice: any choice should not be labeled as noble or despicable, and everything is just the result of weighing according to everyone's income and energy. Some families simply can't afford to raise two children, but they just can't let both children enjoy the "luxury" parenting style currently practiced at home. Will reduce the living standard of steak+Lego to Chinese hamburger+Lego bricks. Some parents can't accept this change, but it doesn't mean that everyone can't accept it.
A teacher who has been engaged in rehabilitation education for autistic children for many years talked about her feelings:
I graduated from college and chose the profession of autism rehabilitation. Over the past year or so, I have been in contact with more than a dozen autistic children. First of all, if the child is autistic, I support parents to have another child. Symptoms of autism range from mild to severe, but the biggest problem lies in communication barriers. If this autistic child has a brother and sister, it is a happy thing for this child.
This year I met a little girl, two years old and three months old, who was diagnosed with autism. She has a younger brother, who is a normal child. My first advice to her parents is to establish her brother's correct concept, such as my sister is a little special, but she is still your sister, you should protect her and so on. The little girl is now trying to blend in and learn the dialogue. My suggestion to her father is that there can be a dialogue between her father and her brother, and then her sister imitates her brother's language, and then there will be a dialogue between her father and her sister. Of course, every time I see my brother, I really take care of my sister. Although they fight for toys, my brother is definitely protecting my sister in every way.
On the other hand, if parents regenerate a normal child, the contrast between the two children will also help parents to better rehabilitate autistic children.
Autistic children do not know how to express their love, but they do not know how to express their love. If you have a child about his age, loving him and growing up with him will also be beneficial to the future of this family.
In short, whether the first child is autistic or not, the probability of the second child is there, and the children who live a normal life have a certain probability. At present, there is no clear policy or index to screen out whether a child is autistic during pregnancy. But don't be too scared. Once you decide to have a baby, you should take good care of your body, adjust your mood, keep up with nutrition and make the best preparations.
Many celebrity mothers envy autistic adults in other countries. When I grow up, I have the opportunity to work in a disabled person's work unit, and I have corresponding social assistance policies economically.
Some star parents who firmly believe that they won't have another child have begun to rush to appeal, hoping that their children can be effectively protected and properly placed in the future.
As we all know, children with autism have huge differences in congenital individuals, and it is not an exaggeration to describe them as worlds apart. Some children will make continuous progress and gradually realize their own socialization process due to proper educational measures. Although parents feel that the challenge is infinitely arduous, hope is always greater than disappointment.
Although many experts and scholars have pointed out that education can change autistic children and increase their social adaptability.
In fact, it is more important to have one more child and more parents, not only for yourself, but also for children with autism. "How will our children live when we leave this world?"
Brothers are like brothers, blood is thicker than water, and a new life fills the long distance between society and autistic children. A new life bears the burden of accompanying autistic brothers and sisters for half a life, which makes parents feel at ease. Indeed, with a new life, the possibility of survival of autistic children has increased a lot, and the anxiety level of parents will naturally drop a lot. This is the inevitable psychological logic and objective logic.
"Should I have another child?" This is a difficult choice. There seems to be many answers, but there seems to be no answer. In the process of finding the answer, every parent needs to be fully prepared.
Choose independently within the scope given by the national birth policy. Knowing life, knowing education and promoting social development is the fundamental picture.
(Note: Autistic children and their families are pseudonyms)
(Text | Xu Hengfu)