Some excellent children are very fragile in the face of setbacks, which makes people sigh. Not long ago, I met a very talented child who was good at sports. He was admitted to a prestigious school, but he felt useless, helpless and desperate because he failed to pursue girls. He felt that the whole world was laughing at him, and since then, he has never recovered, his studies have plummeted, and he has not even finished his studies.

What guarantees the sustainable development of children?

It is not meticulous care, meticulous care, superior conditions, or even children's own skills and knowledge, but children's psychological resilience.

Psychological resilience means that individuals can maintain, recover and develop good mental health, physiological function and social ability after experiencing pressure and setbacks. In other words, it is the ability of individuals to recover from bad experiences and flexibly adapt to changing external environment. Resilience is the ability to cope with negative life events such as stress and frustration.

How to Cultivate Children's psychological resilience?

First, experience pre-construction and develop psychological immunity

(1) People who have never experienced wind and rain cannot develop the ability to cope with wind and rain.

(2) Failure is the mother of success, and setbacks and hardships are the premise of life wealth: gain experience from failures and setbacks. This kind of experience is not only in methods and skills, but also in psychology, including being able to see resources in adversity and still having hope and confidence.

Second, guide children to understand how to solve life problems.

(1) In psychology, there are four changes when people encounter an emergency: their own reason is suppressed (what they usually want is now unexpected); Emotions are easy to get out of control; Behavior is easy to lose; The body will react. It is easy to start people's instinctive reaction and automatically think of once and for all, larger foe and so on.

(2) The occurrence of malignant events is often that the parties choose inappropriate problem-solving strategies.

(3) Guide children to form habits and consider and choose appropriate problem-solving strategies when encountering problems; When I encounter a problem, I automatically think that I have many possible solutions, not just one road to black.

Third, guide children to see hope and use resources in adversity.

(1) Many people are in a hopeless state when they encounter problems. Everyone has his own ability and external resources to guide children to discover, establish, maintain and utilize social support resources.

(2) Guide children to develop a helpful and grateful psychology from an early age. People who know how to be grateful are more likely to get help and support from others.

Fourth, guide children to accept themselves and establish a sense of mission.

(1) Accept yourself

1, accept everything gladly;

2. Correctly understand your own shortcomings and believe that they can be corrected step by step;

3. For the fact that you can't choose your birth, appearance, height and family, you can try to surpass others through other compensation methods;

4. Accept your temporary failure and disadvantage, feel sorry for yourself, take a step back and broaden your horizons, and this road will not open up a new one.

(B) sense of mission

1, personal pursuit should be combined with the feelings of home and country, combined with the needs of the country and society, and the motivation can last.

2. Some people's pursuit is actually personal desire. Once personal desires are satisfied, motivation is gone.

Nowadays, many children can meet their material needs without too much effort. Where does the motivation for struggle come from? Cultivate a sense of mission and life will be happy.

Fifth, guide children to learn to cope with stress.

Pressure characteristics

(1) Pressure can be accumulated: the last straw on the camel.

(2) Stress can be transmitted: Parents' stress in the college entrance examination can be transmitted to their children.

The role of pressure

(1) Positive effect: the product of evolution, avoiding danger.

(2) Negative effects: Excessive pressure brings harm, including long-term pressure and great pressure (long-term pressure leads to fatigue and great pressure leads to collapse), and the harm includes psychology and physiology.

Organ language: As soon as children hear that they are going to school, they cry and then have a fever. Parents said that if he didn't go to school, the child would be fine. Later, the parents said that he was going to school, and the child cried and then had a fever. .......

Profit from illness: parents should have punished the child for failing the exam, but it happened that the child was ill. Parents think that children's health is very important. Instead of punishing him, he took care of him more. After a long time, the child will form a coping method: once he feels stressed and anxious when encountering setbacks, he will deal with it through illness, because illness has brought him benefits.

How should parents respond?

After the child failed, he showed a physiological reaction. If he gets sick and gets treatment, he doesn't need much care. More importantly, he teaches children to express their feelings in words.

How to deal with stress

(a) Manage stress events and be an elegant person.

1, know how to decompose the target.

Bored state:

It's too big, too difficult and too urgent. There are many things to do in my heart, but I can't work hard and am in a state of confusion and boredom.

Enter a state of emergency under great pressure, fight or flee, escape if you can't fight, give up if you can't escape, and bury your head in the sand like an ostrich to paralyze yourself.

The child is in a boring state, but in fact, his heart is very uncomfortable. He wants to do many things, but he can't get up. What should parents do? The child's boredom at least shows that he still has hope, at least he is dissatisfied with the status quo. There is only one thing that can get children out of boredom: help them break down their goals.

Parents often ask their children to set lofty ideals, but the most important thing is to teach them to break down their goals and set short, medium and long-term goals.

Time management: classify things according to their importance and urgency.

Parents can't manage their children's time well, so parents should set an example.

Step 2 Adjust the sense of pressure

(1) The goal is to focus on long-term sustainable development. Don't forget that your active thinking has a big vision and a big model.

(2) All things have laws, conform to the nature of heaven, and strive for it.

Some people live in "heaven", and all they see all day is devastation, and their hearts are full of complaints;

Some people live on the "earth", but when they look up and see the shining stars, their hearts are full of hope.

3, adjust the stress response

(1) Adjust your mentality

For example, during the epidemic, family members can't go out but watch TV and chat at home.

Xiao Wang:

Idea: You are so selfish that you completely ignore my request for silence.

Reaction: reprimand your family and shout loudly.

Results: fidgety and irritable, and unable to concentrate on things.

Xiao Li:

Idea: The family didn't mean it. They can't go out Joking is also a way to relieve boredom.

Reaction: Calm yourself down. I can't do my homework now. Think about what I can concentrate on at this time and change the content of my study.

Results: The mood was calm and stable, and the patient smile of family members was more understandable.

(2) Change behavior.

Stick to action and form a habit. Habit is character, and character determines fate.

Parents can think about it. When they have differences with their children, how do they handle them?

(3) Stick to the exercise that suits you.

1, parents should keep exercising, and children should form the habit of keeping exercising.

2. Consider age, physique and interests. , according to local conditions.

3. More cooperation and exchange campaigns.

4. Aerobic exercise

5, step by step, you insist.

(4) Understanding and accepting

1. Self-awareness means that individuals can identify and understand their emotions, thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, values, goals, motivations and behaviors.

2. Self-awareness begins with understanding one's habitual state and internal characteristics. Focus on your heart and try to perceive your inner activities, including physical feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc.

When our attention develops into an independent observer, we can know ourselves and improve ourselves in a more objective position.

If we can observe, think and even talk about ourselves as bystanders, we can get rid of the control of habits.

5. If you can express the reasons for emotional changes, expression is a cure.

For example:

Parents said: I will give you a reward if you come first in the exam.

The child said: I want to cut my favorite hairstyle.

Parents said: good.

Later, the child really got the first place in the exam, and then went to get a haircut himself. When I got home, my parents were very angry after seeing it. They thought the child's hair looked like a hooligan, so they severely scolded the child, and the child was very angry. I chatted with a child, and the child complained about his dissatisfaction with his parents, saying that parents always keep their promises like this and their love for him is false. I affirmed and repeated the children's complaints, emphasizing "forever" and "forever". After listening to this, the children feel that their parents are not completely like this. By letting children express their emotions, let them feel themselves and understand the reasons why parents do this.

Event: Parents are not trustworthy.

Ideas: generalized thinking (you always do this, you always do this), absolute thinking (always, always), poor thinking (definitely not good, definitely not good for me).

Reaction: Thinking leads to anger and acts contrary to parents.

It is natural for the child to realize that he is biased.

The best way to manage stress is to look at the thoughts behind it.

Through self-questioning, we will find that many ideas we believe or take for granted often distort the truth of the incident.

(5) Mindfulness relaxation: You can search for things related to mindfulness.

Tips for parent-child communication: relax and talk about what you are worried about; Angry things, peaceful talks.

1, stress (tension and anxiety) is contagious.

2. Most anxiety is transmitted through nonverbal information.

The attitude and tone of speech are more important than the content.

Parents should be the buffer of children's anxiety, not the vibrator or amplifier of nervous anxiety.

Sixth, guide children to learn to adjust their emotions.

(1) Emotion is the driving force of behavior. The first step to adjust emotions is to have emotional awareness so as not to lose control of emotions and behaviors.

(2) With the progress of epidemic prevention and control, adolescents' emotional and sleep problems have increased against the trend, and their psychological crisis time has increased. The solution is: regular work and rest and exercise.

(3) Emotions are easy to be generalized (diffused), accumulated and infected.

(D) General emotional adjustment methods

1, Self-encouragement Method: Philosophy or Famous Words

2. Language adjustment methods: self-command, self-suggestion.

3. Environmental change law

4, attention transfer method

5. Energy catharsis

6, please guide the law

7, exercise adjustment method

8, music adjustment method (sound medicine therapy)

Methods of adjusting bad mood

1, Pleasure: Make more friends, break down big goals and learn dialectical thinking.

Step 2 be humorous

Step 3 help others

4. catharsis

5. Anger control: Is anger reasonable? What are the consequences of being angry? Are there any other options?

6. Sublimation: Lead the negative emotions of frustration to a lofty realm.

Step 7 relax

8. Compensation and transfer: to meet the needs of another replacement.

Tips for parent-child communication: Be good at identifying children's emotional behavior abnormalities and discovering crises.

Three exceptions:

1, which is very different in peacetime;

2. Different from other children of the same age;

I met something unusual.

Abnormal emotions and behaviors:

1, suddenly inexplicably crying and losing his temper;

2. There are signs of world-weariness in speech;

3. Great personality changes;

4. Emotional ups and downs, bad temper;

5, easy to be sad and excited;

6. Abnormal behaviors such as self-injury and self-abuse occur;

7. Abnormal sleep and diet;

8. Indulge in the Internet and even some drugs;

9. Drink to drown your sorrows, and behave abnormally or eccentrically;

10, sudden and unexplained sharp decline in academic performance ......

Seven, deal with psychological trauma and emotional buttons, and cultivate endurance.

Acute psychological trauma: We should deal with it as soon as possible.

Chronic psychological trauma: if acute is not handled properly, it will become chronic.

Old psychological trauma and emotional buttons: meeting a certain sound or smell will stimulate past experiences.

Eight, dynamic thinking, looking forward to the future

Children should be guided to see farther from an early age: everyone has pain, but some people look at it with a magnifying glass and some people look at it with a telescope.

Conclusion:

1. Family education needs to be based on equal relations.

Children who grow up in "excessive care", children who grow up in "aggressive education", children who grow up in the shadow of "other people's children" and children who grow up in "emotional kidnapping" and "self-dedication" can hardly develop a sound personality and realize a happy life of sustainable development.

2. Be a rational and peaceful guardian.

The love you pour into your child is just like teaching your child to ride a bicycle, giving directions for Ta, helping Ta who accidentally falls down, and accompanying and guiding him all the way. You must know that on the wider and wider road, watching the child control freely becomes the self that Ta wants to be the most.