Perhaps it was rejected by the nurturers since childhood, and the needs of "intimacy" and "dependence" were ignored many times. The cognition of avoiding intimacy is distorted and contradictory. Because dependence is nature, the living environment does not recognize this nature. Let them doubt this natural demand.
This suspicion has been retained until the intimate relationship in adulthood, showing the desire to get close to the lover's heart and refusing intimacy. Always contradictory. It will be hot and cold, and the cliff will crack.
It is difficult for ordinary people to understand their feelings if they don't know how to avoid it. I often feel left out and rejected, and I will be disheartened after a long time. Normal intimacy is hard to maintain, let alone sweet love.
About how to change, it is also from the root. When you want to be intimate or feel suffocated, be brave and tell the other person clearly, instead of passively avoiding it. The other half who avoids also needs to cooperate with "therapy", that is to say, when avoiding excessive enthusiasm and fantasy, tell TA that I am fine, but I have shortcomings. When avoiding the criticism of magnifying shortcomings, it shows that I have shortcomings but am confident to solve the problem.
Therefore, to deal with avoidance, we should educate Xiong Haizi, guide TA step by step, and treat the problem correctly from multiple angles. Running away won't solve the problem. And changing the inherent thinking is the key to solve the problem. This requires your partner's love and patience. We also need to avoid trust and courage.
You don't have to attack them if you don't avoid it. The real avoidance type (note that not all sudden breakups are avoidance types) does not mean to hurt you and hang you. You can't feel their inner pain, just as your pain is difficult for them to understand.
If your partner really suffers from avoidance and doesn't know it, or your partner can't deeply understand the brain circuit of avoidance, then the sooner you break up, the better.
If you avoid the idea of wanting to change, and your partner has enough inner strength to guide TA, you can try to be together. Although it is difficult, no relationship is easy. Only when you grow up can you shoulder a relationship. A long-term relationship requires at least one person to be mature and steady.
PS: I have been consulting avoidance questions for so long, and I know the fear, anxiety and tension of fear avoidance.
Many people say that it is really bad to escape, and he brings such pain to himself. But I want to make it clear that avoidance is a self-protection strategy. If they grow up in a normal environment, they may face it like you in brave enough to love!
Don't force yourself if you don't accept it. Sacrifice yourself for love. The premise of loving someone is always to love yourself first, and then to give love when you are full of energy.