In "Who will come to' three years of mourning' today? The author points out in the article that the "three-year mourning" as an ancient Confucian filial piety has become a thing of the past, and now no one (including Confucian admirers) pursues it. In fact, the Confucian filial piety that has become the past is not only the "three-year mourning", but also some filial piety that was once regarded as "natural", which is no longer suitable for people in today's world and living in modern society. If you don't believe me, let's take a look at the author's analysis and elaboration as follows-"There are three unfilial, and there is no queen." This sentence was said by Mencius. See Mencius Li Lou-Mencius said, "There are three kinds of unfilial, and there is no queen. "Marry without telling, because there is no future, the gentleman thinks it is still telling." Mencius said that there are three kinds of unfilial, among which no offspring is the most serious. Shun married without telling his parents because he was afraid of losing his offspring, so the gentleman thought that Shun's "not telling" was equal to telling. "No afterlife" means "No afterlife". Mencius also quoted a sentence from Confucius: "The initiator has no afterlife!" This "no queen" is "no child" in today's language. In ancient times, the so-called "after" nothing "only refers to male children, and there are countless daughters. Confucius' father Shu and his first wife Shi gave birth to nine daughters, but they can only be said to be "no queen"; Kong Fu's concubine later gave birth to a son named Meng Pi, who is disabled. Worried that disabled children can't bear the heavy responsibility of "making the future", they married a young Yan's daughter and gave birth, which relieved the worry of "no future". It can be seen that in the eyes of ancient people, "childlessness" is a very serious matter. Being a son and being "childless" is a great unfilial act. Under the ancient patriarchal clan system, only male children are regarded as "descendants", which is logical-children and grandchildren are people who continue the blood of their parents and grandparents, and children and grandchildren are "born to raise, die and lose", and gentlemen's possessions and noble titles should be inherited by children and grandchildren; The realistic consideration of ordinary people is that children and grandchildren are the strong labor force of the family and the future support of parents and grandparents, which is the so-called "raising children to prevent old age". Therefore, Mencius said that "there are three kinds of unfilial, and it is great to have no heirs", which has its own rationality. Mencius' "unfilial" is obviously not applicable to today's China. Although there are still people who believe in "no children, no queen" and often blame the woman for "no queen", it is a minority after all. Most people in China will no longer take whether they have male children or grandchildren as an indicator to measure filial piety and unfilial. In modern society, most women have independent economic status, enjoy all kinds of rights that ancient women did not have, and of course have the same obligation to support their parents (or grandparents) as men. Therefore, daughters and granddaughters are also "the next generation", which can be said to be "women don't let a man". Even many parents prefer to have daughters, saying that "daughters are parents' close-fitting cotton-padded jackets". People's ideas have changed, not only young people, but also their ancestors' ideas have gradually opened up, and few believers have thought about Mencius' old motto "filial piety". Imagine that China has made "having one child" a national policy for more than 20 years. That is to say, for many years, the probability of couples who have only one daughter but no son is about 50% (at least in cities). According to the filial piety of "unfilial to the third son, no offspring is the greatest", isn't about half of the couples "unfilial"? Moreover, there are still a few young people who choose the "Dink family" lifestyle, that is, they don't want children, but they want the couple to be alone. Although some elders may not agree with this, they must respect and tolerate their choices. As long as young couples can do their part to support and take care of their parents and grandparents with sincere care, they can't be accused of "unfilial" because they are "DINK". The son is very suitable for his wife, and his parents are unhappy. "This filial piety is found in the Confucian classic Book of Rites-the son is very suitable for being a wife, and the parents go out without saying (Yue). The son is not suitable for his wife, and the parents say, "Be good to me. "The ceremony of the son-in-law couple is not bad. The son lives in harmony with his beloved wife, the harp and the harp. Parents don't like their daughter-in-law and want to divorce her. The son and his wife are at odds, but the parents say that this daughter-in-law is very good at serving us, so that when she becomes a son, she will obey and perform the ceremony of husband and wife, and will not treat her badly for life. Under such ethics and filial piety, the feelings and happiness of sons and daughters-in-law can be sacrificed for the will and authority of parents. I don't know how many tragedies this has caused since ancient times. The love tragedy between Lu You and Tang Wan, a poet in the Southern Song Dynasty, is a typical example. Tang Wan is clever and witty. After she married Lu Jia, she fell in love with her husband, but she was not loved by her mother-in-law. Lu mother ordered her son to divorce his beloved wife for various reasons, and Lu You succumbed to filial piety and obeyed her mother's orders. A few years later, Lu You swam in Shenyuan alone and met Tang Wan, who was married. She was so sad that she wrote a poem on the garden wall called "Chai Feng Red Crisp Hands". Tang Wan later read this word, and his sadness came from it. He wrote a poem "Love on Earth is Thin" with tears in his eyes, and soon died of depression and hatred. These two sentences have been handed down to this day, and they have become the witness of love tragedy under the old ethics. The "filial piety" that ignores children's independent personality and marital rights and only relies on parents' absolute authority is undoubtedly not suitable for modern society. On such lifelong matters as marriage and love, children will consult with their parents and elders with respect and listen to their useful opinions; As sons and daughters-in-law, while loving each other, we should also care for our parents and elders. Of course, these are all fine. Although there are still unsatisfactory facts in these aspects, there is no possibility of "filial piety" as mentioned above. In fact, most parents and elders are quite wise about this now. In front of the above-mentioned "filial piety rules", there are also these words-the son has two concubines, the parents love one person, the son loves one person, and the food and clothing deacons dare not regard the love of their parents, although their parents are not dead. In other words, the son has two concubines, and his parents love one of them, so this concubine eats and dresses well and does little housework; The other son loves nothing, and he dare not compare with his parents' favorite concubine. Even though his parents died, he couldn't change a bit. -this is the "filial piety" in the matter of being a concubine. Obviously, this kind of "filial piety" is even more unworkable now. It is illegal to have a mistress at home, and it is not good to be "filial" again! "When parents are angry, they bleed ... they respect filial piety." It is also from the Book of Rites-parents have had it, gentle and sincere. If you don't enter the remonstrance, you will be respectful and filial. Those who say (Yue) will be remonstrated. ..... Parents are angry, don't say (Yue), and they are bleeding, afraid to complain, and respect filial piety. When parents are at fault, sons should be modest and gentle in persuasion. If parents don't listen, they have to show respect and filial piety. When parents are in a good mood, do persuasion; Parents became angry from embarrassment, even if their son was killed, they did not dare to resent it, and they were still respectful and filial. Obviously, this is an unequal "filial piety", as Lu Xun said: "The truth vaguely passed down by the ancients is really unreasonable." If parents are wrong, persuade them well and treat them with respect if they don't listen for a while. -This is still possible for today's children. The question is: Will parents be unreasonable, furious and even abuse domestic violence? Especially Blood of the Egg Tart, which is quite serious violence. However, some people who respected filial piety thought that even if it was serious, it was no big deal. Wei, a Confucian scholar in the Qing Dynasty, even said: "Parents want to kill their sons with indecent assault, and their sons should not complain. I don't have a body, because my parents had it later, but it was the same as not being born. " This fucking logic makes filial piety even more ferocious. In fact, Confucius did not agree that the "dutiful son" suffered from excessive domestic violence. According to Confucius' family language, Zeng Shen was beaten unconscious by his father Ceng Dian. When the master learned about it, he denounced Zeng Shen for "committing a furious rage and trapping his father in injustice", which was simply unfilial. However, in this violent incident, the perpetrator Ceng Dian is the most to blame (he is the first disciple of Confucius), and the master should warn him first. Unfortunately, there is no such record. In the modern society that stresses the rule of law, the so-called "filial piety" that is justified in violence against children is no longer justified. Those who commit violence and cause serious consequences or innocent death of their children will be investigated for criminal responsibility and be morally condemned. Can Wei's fucking logic still be used to defend violent parents? Absolutely not. "Medical care is not enough to be a big deal, but death can be a big deal." This sentence of Mencius can be found in Mencius Lisao Louzhang. In Meng Fuzi's view, it is not enough for parents to support their parents when they are alive. Only after the death of their parents can the funeral be a major event. It can be inferred that Mencius must have handled the funeral with complete etiquette after his mother died, and it was quite decent, which made the mourners very happy. -that is to say, how to do the funeral for parents has become the only "great event" to test the dutiful son. It is true that Confucianism attaches great importance to parents' funerals and sacrifices, but it seems that only Mencius regards "death" as an overwhelming event of "health preservation". Confucius, the former teacher, said: "People are born to be human and treat others with courtesy; When you die, you will be buried and sacrificed. " We should treat our parents with "courtesy" before they die, and so should the funeral offerings after their parents die. It's not that only the latter is a big deal. Confucius even thought that the "ceremony" of parents' funeral was ok. He said to his disciples, "Funeral is more formal than funeral, and no ceremony is more funeral." (Book of Rites) Heartfelt grief over the loss of parents is better than adequate funeral and complete etiquette. Of course, what Confucius said does not mean that the "ceremony" of parents' funeral can be sloppy. Mencius' view of filial piety has been biased in ancient times, and it certainly does not apply to today's society. For today's people, filial piety should first be reflected in the responsibility of support and care of parents and grandparents when they are alive, so that parents and grandparents can feel the filial piety of their children and grandchildren when they are alive. This is what really matters. If children are not filial when their parents are alive, but not after their parents die, there are two possibilities: one is to make up, but this kind of compensation has no practical significance to the deceased parents; More likely, it is actually just for the living, and it can also be said to be a "funeral show". This "show" certainly has a purpose. Today's funeral is very different from the past. Now cremation (at least in cities) is generally practiced instead of burial. On the one hand, this is due to realistic considerations-the rapid increase of population and the shortage of land resources, on the other hand, it is also the result of changing customs and changing people's concepts. In addition, there are sea burial, tree burial and other forms. Most funeral ceremonies have also been simplified. Many old people specially ordered a "simple funeral" before their death, and some more enlightened old people also ordered a list of donating organs and even bodies ... These are undoubtedly not in line with the "ceremony" of ancient Confucian funerals, and even violate Mencius' so-called "only death can achieve great things"; If measured by the "rites" of ancient Confucianism and Mencius' theory, wouldn't all the children who have lost their parents now be branded as "unfilial"? Nowadays, children pay more attention to them before their parents die. After their parents die, they will be very sad and often miss them. This can be called filial piety. As for the Confucian "rites" and Mencius' words, who else is following the rules and acting like an instrument now?