Don't use your own experience to guide others' lives.
Qing Qing occasionally sends some small feelings in the process of raising children in the circle of friends. After each message is sent out, there is always a high school classmate who sends her a long speech. At first, Qing Qing thought she had something. After listening to two paragraphs, she realized that it was her classmates who "taught" the parenting classics.
For example, when she was pregnant for more than 8 months, she sent a picture of eating supper at night, and then accompanied by the words "eat at night". A few minutes later, I received a classmate's voice, telling her that she must eat less supper at night, or she will get fat soon, and she is very fat during pregnancy, which is prone to pregnancy-induced hypertension and hyperglycemia. After seeing the photos of her weaning her children, she sent a message telling Qing Qing never to give her children night milk, which would affect their sleep. When I see the photos sent to children to eat complementary food, I will immediately say that you can't give children eggs so early and eat less at night, otherwise you will accumulate food and so on.
No matter what the details are, as long as Sunny sends photos about children, there will be a long voice of "guidance". Sunny is really annoying, but I'm too embarrassed to refuse. The fact is, Qing Qing hasn't increased her appetite since she was pregnant, and adding meals only happens once in a while, so she only gained more than 20 kilograms. As for weaning the child at night, only after adding complementary food, the child will not eat it himself and can sleep slowly all night.
On the contrary, the students themselves, eating and drinking during pregnancy, gained more than 60 kilograms, and the whole person is like blowing balloons. It was a caesarean section when the child was born, because the child was overweight; Her own children have always been brought up by her mother-in-law. Before, her own children almost got anorexia because they ate too much piled food. ...
I'm just a little sigh, and I have no other emotions. But my classmates always say to themselves, "This won't work, that won't work." The problem is that you don't do well and don't understand my actual situation. Why do you always tell me what to do?
There are no two identical leaves in the world, and each of us is unique. For every novice mother, from the moment life begins, everyone feels differently. In this process, everyone has the same gestation process, but many conditions, physical indicators and feelings are different in the process. We all learn in our daily life and make progress by groping. In this experience, no one will be much better than anyone else, because this is our first time. The best thing is that we communicate with each other, learn good methods and do better.
When your work is not done well enough and problems are frequent, you should first reflect on where you are wrong, instead of preaching according to a picture and a few sentences of others without knowing the actual situation of others, telling the other party, "You can't do this, and you can't do that." It is ridiculous to pretend that you are an experienced person and guide others with your immature or even failed experiences.
The philosopher Hobbes said: If you accumulate more experience, you will be cautious, just as if you accumulate more knowledge, you will be knowledgeable. If you have more experience, you will think more carefully. What's more, when our experience is far from enough, it is even more prudent to guide others. What's more, experience is not truth, but it may not be applicable to the general public.
Don't use your own experience to guide others' lives. Even if you think you have done a great job, all you can do is share it with others for reference, which is not enough to guide others' lives. What's more, no one's experience in this world can guide others' lives.
Don't comment on other people's lives at will.
I just entered the office two days ago and saw two colleagues sitting together whispering. I'm very excited about everything you said. I didn't seem to notice that I was back at the station, and they were still laughing.
"Oh, have you heard? Mix in the marketing department is divorced, "A said mysteriously as if he had discovered a new continent.
Colleague B was particularly curious and quickly asked, "Really? No, I haven't heard of it, but I don't think I can see the heartbreak of a woman's divorce from her. "
"How can you be sad? I heard that you go out clean, you know. " Colleague a said, looking at his constantly turning hand as if he knew everything.
Oh, I see ~, colleague B seems to understand in an instant, with an incredible look on his face, and then added: "I really underestimated Mix. There are really two brushes, amazing!"
Listening to their conversation is really boring. At least they are colleagues. Isn't it a bit bad to discuss people's private affairs behind their backs?
After work in the afternoon, the company sat behind colleagues A and B because they were late, listening to them start discussing Mix's divorce, saying and analyzing, such as "She must be outside, so that's why" or "After hearing what you said, I suddenly understand why she suddenly collapsed that day ...". Their analysis is sober, and they never let go of every gossip they hear. Although their voices are very low, they can still feel their excitement about their reasoning results.
In fact, I really don't understand why people can't live without divorce, and why divorce has nothing to do with themselves. There is no family relationship between them, and it has not affected the normal work progress. However, there are always people who like to use all kinds of guesses and inferences to form the results they want, criticize other people's behavior with the mentality that they think they know the whole story very well, and comment on how they are doing wrong. These really can't bring you any benefits, and I feel tired when I think about it. If you use this spirit in your own work, will you reach a high position now!
Anyone who casually comments on other people's lives has a sense of superiority. They always feel that their views and cognition are right. They feel that they are better than others in this respect. Whether they really know the truth or not, it is really meaningless to criticize other people's lives from the moral high ground.
Maybe they just want to express their views, or they don't agree with Mix's practice, but in this vast world, we should respect other people's choices and respect that others have different ideas from us. This is a kind of tolerance and an education. After all, their choice really has nothing to do with you, and we don't know where her difficulty lies. So don't comment on other people's lives at will, and don't express your own "heartfelt wishes".
Don't make too many jokes.
Before the word "poison tongue" became popular, I always thought it was an abusive word. Later, I gradually realized that there is a kind of person who can be called a "poisonous tongue". However, to be recognized as a "poisonous tongue", we need to have high standards in speaking skills, wisdom and emotional intelligence. However, in our life, people often think that joking too much is a "poisonous tongue".
For example, Lena's new hairstyle, which we all think is very beautiful, matches her face very well, and makes her particularly petite and lovely. When Lena asked Sister Wang to get the file, it happened that Xiao Song was there. As soon as he saw Lena, he said, "Oh, you got your hair done."
After hearing what Xiao Song said, Lina suddenly felt a little insecure and quickly asked, "Are you ugly? Does it make me shorter? "
Before Song could speak, Sister Wang said, "God, if I do this to my hair, I will die directly!" " !
Lena suddenly became silly when she heard this sentence. She didn't expect Sister Wang to say such a thing, and she didn't know how to answer it. Song was a little embarrassed and said, "What you said is a bit too hurtful." When Song said this, Sister Wang felt that her words were a little heavy, and quickly said, "Never mind, never mind, I'm just joking. It's actually quite good."
Lena didn't say a word and went back to work with a black face. She seldom spoke all afternoon. After work, someone asked me if I wanted to have my hair cut again. I feel too short ~
In fact, there are always some people who are mean-mouthed, have no bottom line when talking to others, say something that people can't accept or even touch the bottom line of others, and feel that they have made a harmless joke. They also think they are "poisonous" and humorous, but they hurt a person deeply in the invisible. This kind of person who makes fun of others without considering their inner feelings is a manifestation of low emotional intelligence.
As the old saying goes: being kind to others is warmer than cloth; Hurtful words are deeper than spears and halberds. What you think is a joke has become a spear and halberd that hurts others.
The so-called people who keep their words and don't forgive others are often trying to hide their lack of security and self-confidence. No matter what your purpose is, this excessive joke also stores too much hostility in your heart. In the most popular words, it must be very bitter to speak so viciously!
There are eight books in The Complete Works of Zeng Guofan, namely, reading is based on exegesis, writing poetry is based on tone, caring for relatives is based on winning favor, keeping in good health is based on not talking nonsense, staying at home is based on not talking nonsense, taking office is based on not asking for money, and marching is based on not disturbing people. And the fundamental thing is not to talk nonsense.
"The Analects of Confucius Wei Linggong" said: You can lose people without words; Don't talk to it in words, it's rude. Those who know, don't lose people, don't lose words. Also tell us to speak wisely, otherwise you may not only say the wrong thing, but also lose friends.
Some people say that there are two things in life that should be done as little as possible. One is to think about your life with other people's brains, and the other is to interfere with other people's lives with your own mouth. So, don't interfere with others with your mouth, whether you want to help or not.