-Reading notes - Health Preservation Learning Network

-Reading notes

What is normal?

One thing to remember is that in most cases, nothing is absolutely right. Few things are unchangeable, and most decisions will have no terrible consequences. Usually, you will have the opportunity to re-evaluate and take a different approach. In most cases, if you tell others that you have reconsidered and changed your original decision, they will understand. Few things in life are unchangeable.

Don't ask "What is normal?" Instead, ask "What is effective?" How can I do it well? Will it hurt me? Will it hurt others? What is the operability? Is it too idealistic? Focusing on effectiveness will keep you away from the standards of normality imposed by the outside world. Normal is only a relative concept, so to some extent, this word is meaningless.

Follow your feelings.

Your intuition will help you make the best choice in most cases-you should trust your intuition. As a child growing up in a chaotic, emotional and questioning environment, you may become extremely sensitive to the surrounding environment and the intentions of others. Your view of people may be more accurate than you think, as long as you are willing to trust your intuition. If you compare intuition to a weak voice in your heart, please listen to your heart, trust your intuition and follow your feelings and your sixth sense. Even if you doubt yourself, you do have the inner qualities to make the right choice.

Should, shouldn't?

If there is one word that can keep you away from your goal, it should be. Responsibility should be implied; It means that things are imposed by the outside world, not chosen by themselves. It should be noted that you need to live by other people's standards, not your own.

If you don't have a strong sense of self, don't believe in yourself and have no healthy boundaries, other people's values can easily affect your values and outlook on life. In daily life, it should remind you on your shoulder that you are not living the way you should. Is the following statement familiar enough to you?

I should not be selfish.

I should be a better father/mother/lover/friend.

I should concentrate more.

I should go home. He is waiting for me.

I shouldn't get angry so quickly.

I shouldn't jump to conclusions so quickly.

? I should go to work today-I'm not that sick.

I should be more patient with him.

Review a certain area of your life-interpersonal relationship, family life, social activities, recreational activities, work, career, self-sufficiency, creative activities, sexual life, disputes, community activities, religious activities, finance, your appearance, nutrition, fitness or mental outlook. Write down what you should do.

Then rewrite every appropriate sentence into a declaration that reflects your true feelings. Don't say "I should" and "I shouldn't", try to say "I prefer", "I want" and "I do".

Remember, you know what you've been through. Just because others have different opinions, or others question your point of view, does not mean that your point of view is wrong. Your feelings will not be alleviated, and the facts will not change.

At the end of psychology study, you will lose sympathy, because you will always find that misfortune is always the result of the unfortunate's own choice, and there is no obvious compulsion.

The evaluator is not interested in others. He seems to be focused on you, but in fact he is only interested in putting himself on the evaluated person, and he is not interested in how the evaluator sees himself.

The core of narcissism is the desire to control. Almost every one of us is thinking: I can control my life, I can control the world. Around this feeling, there are some predictions that I seldom perceive: I know this will happen.

This kind of prediction is called self-realization prediction, that is, if I have a prediction, I will only pay attention to the information consistent with the language and push things in the direction I predicted, while if things deviate from this prediction, I will be easily stimulated.

Indian Krishnamurti: Feeling is the product of the moment when my authenticity meets other authenticity.

If you cling to the ego, you can't meet the truth of other love.

How to choose someone with whom you can talk about shame?

Empathy is the antidote to shame, so when chatting with friends about shame, we should choose those who have empathy, that is to say, "Me too".

Try to avoid the following friends:

1 Shame on you too. You should comfort him in turn.

Compassion for you, not empathy for you.

With your spiritual support, I will be disappointed with your imperfection when I hear this.

Blame you for letting this happen, or blame the people who caused it.

I don't feel well and don't want to admit your story. "You exaggerate, it's not that bad."

6 eager to talk about their own things, "nothing, mine is just ..."

If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to multiply: secret, silence and judgment.

If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and pour empathy into it, it can't survive.

Three admirable noble qualities of human beings:

First, we can consciously know ourselves, constantly improve ourselves to pursue higher ideals, and are willing to sacrifice suffering for this ideal, and confront personal physiological and psychological instincts, so that we can see human dignity and value in these suffering souls;

Second, we can understand nature and human social organizations in an interesting way and selflessly take risks to find ways to improve them;

Third, I have an unbearable heart for the pain of others, and I am even willing to sacrifice and suffer for strangers.

Human beings have spiritual self-awareness, the ability to know themselves and the freedom to choose their own life path. There is no established physiological limit or "nature" that can force us, even in the face of the temptation of punishment, pain and reward, we can't change our minds. This independent feature is called "case". People.

What matters is not how much power you have, nor whether you have the opportunity to change the world, but whether you have the ability to make the world better, not worse.

People's hearts are Dojo, and ideals and reality are within people's hearts. The pursuit of ideals does not need to cross mountains and mountains to the distance, nor does it need to break with the tragic reality. As long as it comes from the heart in daily life, it is the meaning and value in live high.

Ideal is self-growth and self-realization. Make good use of self-ideal to improve the self-world.

If you don't suffer, you will suffer. Don't worry about knowing yourself, but seek to know yourself.

Different people have different feelings about the world, and no one can make decisions for others. You shouldn't make decisions for others, especially if you don't understand how others feel about the world.

It is more important for us to become a complete person and pursue a complete life-thoughts, feelings, affection and love, feelings of life, goals of life and self-growth, breakthrough and realization.

Self-satisfaction independent of things outside the body is the most important. Epicurus

Everyone needs to affirm himself through his own ability, so everyone also needs to pursue self-growth. It is commendable to make limited sacrifices for his family, but he should not be brutally deprived of all opportunities for self-growth and self-affirmation.

Self-growth, self-realization and self-breakthrough are three aspects of an organic whole. We constantly break through ourselves through constant self-growth, and achieve a higher level, more mature and more valuable self after each self-breakthrough.

Life grows in death, replacing young ignorance and enthusiasm with mature wisdom and emotion, and replacing lost childhood and youth with more valuable life state of mind. Otherwise, instead of youth and enthusiasm, it will be more and more despicable desires and ambitions, as well as the soul that corrupts with the body.

A person's true self is manifested in his ability to think, his ability to feel and his wisdom in life, not what he has externally. Things outside the body do not belong to the self. Fame and fortune can be used to imply a person's ability and external resources developed in a specific social background, but it cannot be equated with a person's core self or the core value and significance of life.

Six abilities of happiness in life: the ability to support yourself and your family; Ability to appreciate nature, art and humanistic thoughts; The ability to love; The ability to pursue the meaning and value of life; Wisdom to solve negative emotions such as jealousy, anxiety, greed, chagrin and regret, and the ability to calmly face fate.

No kind of help is worth paying the price.

The mind doesn't need to be told by the ear all the time. As long as it accepts the advice, it will find its own solution.

If we directly tell our children what to do, or point out his problems, it will only make them feel depressed. If children do what their parents want, parents will gain a sense of self-affirmation, but at the same time, children will lose their self-affirmation, so children must resist or ignore their parents' hints in order to maintain their inner affirmation. Giving advice will only be counterproductive, because children must operate in reverse to defend their inner feelings, which is very important for everyone, and children are no exception. Only when the child can feel that there is a deep love for advice, he will resolutely do it. By telling stories to achieve this effect, it not only preserves and maintains the child's inner consciousness, but also solves the problem.

Giving and receiving handed down from generation to generation is a balanced performance. If we can understand that the meaning of paying is to continue to pay, not to be rewarded, then our hearts will be freed and liberated.

The heart is unbreakable, because it is soft and open. Things that will break are wrapped up because they have a hard shell of self-protection and are unwilling to bear the pain. When my heart breaks through this hard shell, it will sting and be fragile, but it is the beginning of Lin Min himself and others-"ordinary magic" john welwood.

Even a little progress can save you from fear. Bhagavad gita

Normal life: people are lonely after all, and things are impermanent; Life is unpredictable and often unfair; Suffering is the experience of the whole world.

* * * is one of the forms of living in the present: no criticism, no emotion, no fear and desire, just silently feeling the status quo.

Willing to bear will enhance the ability to deal with the unchangeable.

When bad things and pain happen, there will be great relief. -Nietzsche

If you want to cry for anything taken away, you should cry like that.

How should we receive information? Protest with adult rationality or naive logic and ask reality to make an exception for itself?

Don't be stubborn, open your heart and accept what the universe has done to you. No choice means no room for change and no turning back. When you have no choice, it doesn't mean that you have lost your freedom, but that you can see things clearly. Once you have no choice, you know it's time to give up. After letting go, you will feel real wealth and strength, and only in this way will you know who you really are. Because you will eventually realize that space doesn't have to be found in a cup, because this experience creates space for you, and space is everywhere. -Jumba Rinpoche

The purpose of my life is to create more consciousness. The only purpose of human existence is to light the light in complete darkness. Jung

Our ego is the life center of consciousness and reason. Spirituality, I am love. Self is the container of light, and spiritual self is the noumenon of light. The purpose of our life is to try to discover what we now regard as subconscious content.

Only unconditional love can bring people together. Interpersonal relationship is the most powerful tool to break the illusion of control and privilege. Intimacy and love can free us from the self-centered world and no longer bind ourselves. Intimacy with others can make us complete, and love is an individualized process.

In fact, what we should give up is a control-dependent, narcissistic and neurotic self. As Jung said, character cannot be formed without consciously affirming friendship with people around you.

The love of fate is to have enthusiasm, ability and unconditional acceptance of the world's situation and be in any state. Amor Fati

For healthy adults, telling the truth is your only defense and best resource.

Only when we leave the Garden of Eden can we become human beings, and only when we realize the end of childhood can we mature. Only when we have and are responsible for our present consciousness, memories and dreams can we return to a complete life.

Elegant existence is the complete unity of past, present and future. Sam Keane

Free association, * * * dependence, collective unconsciousness, metaphysical sadness.

Success is to do what you want only once in your life. Use your life to do what you want, that is, to find your bliss.

In my heart, there seems to be no place where the pain is quietly there. Leon brova

Children's prototype is the personification of an important force beyond the field of consciousness. It represents the strongest and most elusive impulse in every life, that is, the impulse to realize oneself. carl jung

A strong, complete and harmonious self can give you confidence and control.

Seven elements of value in value clarification method

1. You must select it;

2. There must be other options besides it;

3. You must know the result of your choice;

4. Once you choose, you should cherish and cherish it;

5. You are willing to show it publicly;

6. You use it as a guide to action;

7. You always use it as a guide.

I have the right to decide who I have sex with and how, when and where I have sex with another person. My only principle is to respect the dignity of myself and my partner. Therefore, I will never do anything to deprive myself or my partner. Emotions are not right or wrong, they just exist. Your feelings for me are your emotional history, and my feelings for you are my emotional history. I respect your feelings, and I hope so do you. I will not be manipulated by your anger, sadness, fear or happiness.

Teach your inner child

Feel your feelings

Meet sb.' s legitimate needs

trust one's own feelings

Tires-Larigot

Honesty is very important.

Know your own boundaries

Instill a sense of responsibility

Allow failure

Respect the feelings and needs of others.

Look at contradictions objectively

Implement fair competition

Live in the moment?

Avoid accumulating old things.

Pay attention to specific behavior details.

honest

Avoid accusations and judgments.

Use the rule of "listening", that is, after listening to what others say, repeat what they say before you answer.

Avoid arguing about some details.

Resist stress unless the inner child is being violated.

On the boundaries of conflict: I was born not to accept the measurement of your fantasies, beliefs or expectations. I will not accept their measurement, nor will I be controlled by them. If we have conflicts, I will compete fairly and resolve them. I ask you to do the same. If you show any aggression, I will leave.

We often try to get others out of their emotional problems because our emotional problems have not been solved.

If I can make you stop crying, I won't have to feel my own pain.

Only if you are willing to accept the weakest and most helpless yourself can you become complete and truly powerful. When you reject one part of you, you will certainly consume the energy of the other part. Accepting your weaknesses may seem contradictory, but your strengths will only come into being when you can accept your weaknesses.

You can't know what you don't know.

Self-efficacy.

Seeing the child's real existence, discovering the child's real needs and helping the child realize their needs is true love.

The process of a person's growth is the process of becoming himself, and love is the most important factor in this process. What kind of love we provide to children, children will grow up in a way that adapts to this kind of love.

If you can't see the existence of the soul, you don't know your dignity; We can't see the existence of the soul and we don't know the dignity of things.

For everyone, mother is the first important object in our life, and other objects bearing mother's love are transitional objects.

Mature parents will not deal with their children's problems in the first place, they will deal with their children's feelings first.

Treat the current relationship according to the model of childhood and important caregivers, even if the original model causes great pain and trouble to oneself, it is unwilling to change and grow because it is familiar. Therefore, I would rather struggle in pain than give myself a free present and future. It's not that you can't, it's that you lack courage. Being yourself is not what everyone needs. Therefore, helping others and helping themselves is the principle of psychological counseling. -Hu

Understanding is to enrich oneself doubly. carl ranson rogers

Appreciation includes recognition, acceptance, praise and encouragement. Really healthy love from the heart is the best way to explore potential and create miracles.

Timeliness, accuracy, timeliness, continuity and objectivity.

Appreciation needs clear and accurate expression in order to truly convey feelings. Accuracy of appreciation.

Appreciating attitude.

Concise and to the point.

Say a word of appreciation occasionally, and often use the language of appreciation to make appreciation a habit.

A person's rationality comes from the experience accumulated in his life.

Freedom is the beginning of creativity.

You know, we're all weird. We are so eager for freedom, but everything we do is binding ourselves. Our initiative has almost disappeared. We rely on others to guide us, help us, give us generously and live in peace with us.

Treat the shame that binds you

Pam Levin, energy cycle

Vipassana cognitive therapy for depression.

Learn hypnosis from the master--milton erikson's therapeutic record.

The journey back to Leonard Jacobson now.

Robert Kagan's The Developing Self

Ordinary Zen: live the true self

Laozi's eighteen lectures

Family therapy: systematic theory and practice

Normal family process

Family therapy technique

If you do family therapy-skills in clinical practice