I went to the gym to get a card, and after paying the money, I said I wanted to find a coach for a physical examination. Then the coach gave the students a lot of analysis and suggestions, and later I gradually hoped that the students would ask for private education. At this time, the students said, "Go back and think about whether to invite private teachers", but they did not give up, but all kinds of soft grinding and hard foam. Students feel very entangled and painful. They want to leave immediately and are embarrassed to refuse, so they have to take various reasons to slowly dawdle until they give up.

Why are we always embarrassed to refuse other people's sales promotion?

Taking students as an example, they were "kidnapped" after doing a physical examination without knowing it. On the one hand, I just accepted each other's service and immediately turned my back on people. There is really a kind of indifference like "patting your ass and leaving after dinner", which is called an embarrassment; On the other hand, the other party has analyzed so much for himself, and every sentence is for his own good. How can he refuse other people's kindness? How can this be embarrassing?

I have carefully considered this issue from the standpoint of both sides, and the result is this:

The so-called "fear of ruthlessness" and "fear of disappointing each other's kindness" are actually the same thing: too afraid that others will not like themselves.

You can think about it, when you are embarrassed to refuse to sell, what is on your mind? Have you really considered salesmen? Some people will say, "Yes, I don't think it's easy to do sales". Then give the money and leave, or you will find that you are not easy than him after two hours of promotion.

Don't want to give money and are embarrassed to refuse? Are you afraid that the other party will feel stingy, heartless, determined, humiliating others ... afraid of being scolded! It is stingy not to buy money, and poverty without money. More profoundly, I am afraid that my true self will not be liked. In the final analysis, it is because I am afraid of other people's eyes and I am afraid that I am not likable!

Dig deeper, why does refusing mean not being liked?

Because we learned from an early age that "only when I do what others like will they be happy and others will like me". Yes, we are liked not because "I am a person with flesh and blood, personality and uniqueness", but because "I make others happy". Therefore, we should constantly "please others".

In short, the more people who lack affirmation in the process of growing up, the less sense of self-worth, and feel that others' recognition is the embodiment of their own value, so the more they care about others' judgment, the more they try their best to seek others' affirmation.

Therefore, if you refuse others, others will be unhappy, and then they will not like themselves. If you don't like it, you deny it, and if you deny it, you are rejected. Being rejected means not being recognized, so he is worthless. If the value of self-existence is based on the judgment of others, then it may be difficult to find a sense of self-worth in your life.

Therefore, the fundamental reason for not refusing is to be afraid of being rejected by others because of dissatisfaction.

I point this out because if you really want to change your habit of not refusing (not only for salespeople, but also for friends), you must first get rid of the excuses to hide your true fears (unwilling to hurt each other, humiliating each other, etc.). If you always take excuses as the real reason, you will think that the reason why you don't refuse is because you are a good person, so it is difficult for you to really change.

The above analysis is purely to let us know our true psychology. ......

The latter is the focus of this paper.

Let's think about a question first: Why can most people easily refuse leaflets on the road and hang up a harassing phone call instead of rejecting the coach of this gym?

Perhaps the crux of the problem is that the flyers on the road don't know who you are, but the counselor in this gym knows who you are, and he seems to know you. And what we are most afraid of is being rejected by people who know ourselves.

The point here is: how did he make you think you knew each other?

You can think about it, will these people ask, "Sir, what should I call you?" "What's your name, sir?" .

What is the process of understanding? On the surface, we know each other's names. The deep psychological factor of cognition is actually the process of "personification". Through this process, stimulate your self-awareness and always remind you who you are.

"Name" is the first step of personalization. Because the name is often our most direct pronoun (which is why people who are not familiar with it should not explore the other person's name as conversation material, which will make the other person feel uncomfortable).

Give a simple example:

You walk into a hotel:

1 Hotel receptionist, grab your ID card, check in, and then tell you the room number.

The hotel receptionist will grab your ID card, check in and tell you, "Mr. Zhang, we have seen your reservation in our hotel and have prepared a room specially for you. Please feel free to contact me if you need anything. I am candy. "

Apart from being polite and considerate, are there any differences in your feelings between these two ways? Did the first one make you feel like a tenant? Does the second one make you feel that you are regarded as "Teacher Zhang"? And this person is not just the front desk, but a girl named candy?

This is the process of building knowledge, that is, the process of personalization: making you realize that "the other party is candy, and you are regarded as a teacher by her".

Back to sales promotion: Why do salesmen ask "What's your address?" Because he knows your address and addresses you with a unique identification code, you will feel that you are not just one of a group of customers, but a "teacher Zhang" who is specially served and treated.

Teacher Zhang, I am your fitness consultant Xiao Li, and I will explain your situation and serve you alone.

It is this series of "personalized" actions that make us as consumers have an illusion, as if we were specially regarded as "Teacher Zhang" by Xiao Li. Xiao Li has studied himself very hard and explained his health knowledge to himself seriously. Then, we will inevitably feel "personalized" to Xiao Li who smiles at you and is gentle with you.

Marketing and insurance industries have a way to attract customers, that is, "playing the human card." The so-called witness is similar to this.

It will be easy for you to refuse a stranger on the other end of the phone, but it will be difficult for you to refuse your "Xiao Li" consultant, because he is not synonymous with a "salesman" without a name. He is Xiao Li, your health consultant, and there is one-on-one contact between you.

It can be seen that "personalized" customers have two functions:

1 A more humanized "personal relationship" has been added to the relationship between "salesman and customer". That is to let customers feel "like Mr. Zhang, treated specially by Xiao Li".

Personalize customers, enhance customers' self-awareness, let customers always pay attention to who they are, and stimulate customers' self-social image constraints. Once people realize that self exists in a relationship, they will always examine their behavior, take good care of the relationship between the two sides, and pay more attention to maintaining their image.

But do salespeople really care about Mr. Zhang and Mr. Li?

Let's take a look at the psychological process of sales staff:

1 Screen possible target customers in the crowd, such as members who have purchased fitness cards.

Try to keep the target customers (such as physical examination) as much as possible, and strive for more sales time, so as to facilitate in-depth consumption mining.

In the process of obedience, constantly observe the customer's reaction. If the customer resolutely refuses, then give up; If the customer's tone is loose, then play all kinds of family cards, try to stimulate * * *, and continue to obey until the customer buys or refuses.

This is their workflow and regulations. They are like walking on an assembly line. They are used to it and won't get involved. So they don't really need to know that you are a pockmarked horse. There is only one word in their hearts that can replace you, and that is "target customer".

Did you find it? You are the "target customer" in the whole process. Does that ring a bell? Please check out my other article "A liar with a clear conscience". This is not to say that they are liars, but that there is a word involved here-"disintegration of personality", which I have explained in the above article, so I recommend everyone to watch it together.

Recommended reading: A liar with a clear conscience

The so-called "depersonalization" means that all the people they sell, whether tall or thin, ugly or beautiful, white-collar workers, are just "target customers" When selling, he will not consider whether to disturb the busy Mr. Wang or embarrass the elegant Ms. Zhang. Because he will not deliberately feel the happiness and sadness of each of you, because you have a unified identity "target customers."

However, he can't call you "hi, target customer", so you just leave, which is polite! Although psychologically depersonalize you as the target customer, in behavior, the salesman always makes the customer realize that he is "Teacher Zhang" (personified) by calling the customer's name and so on, and now he is treated "specially" by Xiao Li. How can Mr. Zhang, whom Xiao Li values so much, not pay attention to his health, not willing to buy private education, and his husband can't lose face, so he can't refuse Xiao Li. The success of this lies in the inner fears of many people analyzed at the beginning of the article.

However, in fact, you are just one of the n "teachers Zhang" that Xiao Li receives every day. There are so many people who refuse him or don't refuse him, he won't even remember who accepted and who refused, only remember that there is one less customer and one more customer. Can I say that maybe 99% people in the gym rejected his promotion of buying private lessons?

Let's straighten out why the salesman ignores our feelings and takes up our time, but we can't refuse:

1 the reason why the salesman ignores our feelings: psychologically depersonalize us. Through this psychological mechanism, we all become synonymous with "target customers", thus reducing our feelings and understanding of whether we have money, time, willingness to buy and are not embarrassed as individuals, which ensures that he will not give up because he is afraid of disturbing others in sales promotion, because these processes are only the workflow of treating customers, not his personal actions.

The reason why we can't refuse: Action gives us the illusion of "personification". Through one-on-one service, constantly calling our names, let us feel that he is serving himself, and we have established a "one-on-one" emotional connection. It seems that refusing to hire a private tutor means refusing him, not refusing a service in the gym, so I'm embarrassed to refuse because I'm afraid he has an opinion of himself.

After understanding the above analysis, let's open the knot of "sorry to refuse to sell".

Zhu once said: "Therefore, a gentleman treats himself and a villain treats others."

1 Psychologically disintegrate the salesman. He is a salesman, even Xiao Li, and most of them are job codes. He gave us a physical examination and gave us health advice, but it was only a sales process in which a salesman "aimed at customers". His enthusiasm and his explanation were all workflow, not really because you were a unique "teacher Zhang". They have a unified name "salesman".

2 "personification" action in the sales staff. Just like the saying goes, "wear a top hat", we can even make the salesman feel that he is not an ordinary salesman in our eyes, and he respects people more and understands the difficulties of others. In most cases, he is embarrassed to continue selling.

Of course, it is not excluded that some smooth salesmen get carried away in the face of great work pressure and interests. So the second rule is only for those who really can't break through their hearts in the short term. After all, taking the initiative is more likely than passively waiting for success. In fact, in most cases, we just refuse. Because promotion is like assembly line work, the pursuit is efficiency, so don't refuse to buy it, be timely, fast and direct!

Say so much, not to embarrass the salesman, but to let us know how to save ourselves when the salesman is in trouble.

There are always many similar questions on the internet: how to refuse to sell gracefully? How to cleverly refuse to sell?

It is your right to refuse to be disturbed by others. Instead of finding countless reasons to cover up their real needs, causing a bloody case of "countless reasons being overthrown by others countless times", round after round, if you don't calm down, you will get angry. It is better to learn to say "no", which is the greatest elegance.

Practice!