At this time, I prayed to God: "Why did you make me so weak?" But God didn't care about this, but said to my conscience, "I did make you too weak to save yourself in the abyss, but I made you strong to prevent you from falling in."
What have I experienced in these twenty-one years?
Without a clear goal, do whatever you want. After three minutes of enthusiasm, the previous plan came to an end and suddenly gave up. This is me before I was twenty-two.
When I was chatting with my little sister, I didn't feel sad when I suddenly talked about these things. How did I live like this? I can't help asking myself what went wrong.
When I was in junior high school, because a classmate in my class bought a romantic novel to read, the living expenses were not enough at that time, so I tried to borrow it. Before that, I hardly read books outside the textbook, so I naturally felt novel and fascinated. However, the result is that the grades are declining day by day and plummeting. So that I didn't successfully enter high school when I was in the senior high school entrance examination.
Therefore, I hate learning, and at home, my grandfather insists on studying as a kindergarten teacher. Now I am very grateful to grandpa for this decision. Although I didn't read too many books, I realized how important reading was to a person in my later years.
I decided to study hard, but I was slightly fat, weak, taciturn and unsociable, which made me feel inferior for a time. Probably related to the living environment in the past. A classmate in a dormitory likes listening to pop music, but he doesn't like his favorite ancient music. Maybe I was denied, so anyway, I am always shy in front of people and dare not show myself. Later, my friend once said that everyone has changed, but you have not. I don't know if it's a compliment or a sigh, but I'm always overwhelmed by my inferiority complex and I don't realize it.
Once at a friend's party, I talked about a classmate in my class, only to know that it was so unbearable in his eyes. Imagine the tone at that time, I still can't help but feel sad. After all, I usually look at a person well, stabbed him in the back, and promised to help some time ago, so I can't help but feel cold all over.
People can be so indifferent, really because I have too little knowledge.
Speaking of which, I talked to my friend, and she said that she would like to start her youth again if she had the chance. I thought about it carefully, and it seems that there is nothing worth starting over. I don't want to go back to the past at all, and even hate it.
Why did I become such a character? My childhood experience and family reasons account for the vast majority. Fortunately, I didn't become a complainer.
Even in the unknown night, once lost. Young and beautiful life, and sophisticated and mature face. People come and go, people are buzzing and lively as usual. The cup and the figure overlap in front of us, and we cry bitterly. When I woke up the next day, the sun was still the same, but I thought about it seriously, just like dreaming.
In the first half of 20 16, I went home and settled down to find a job. Then, in order to change myself, I went to the gym with my friends and colleagues to get a card, went running together and took a group class together. Good work and rest and exercise made me lose weight slowly, but I quarreled with my mother when I was uneasy about the status quo. At the beginning of summer vacation, I packed my bags and borrowed money from my friends to go to Chengdu.
The place I always wanted. However, reality is always very skinny. On the recommendation of my friend, I went to a gym next to their company to apply for the front desk. Then cliches and dramatic stories happened, and a coach and I looked at each other in the gym. They agreed to quit their jobs and go abroad together.
I don't know how I had such great courage at that time, trusting someone I've just known for a long time, probably with the mentality of always wanting to imagine everyone as a good person. Unfortunately, we still have to lose to reality. We are all strangers, with no relatives around us, and gradually get together to expose our shortcomings. We began to doubt our impulsive decisions and began to live in fear and despair. It's really hard to mention that taste in the future.
Later, I chose to go back to my hometown, a small county in the fourth line, saying that I was cowardly and selfish. People always have to pay for their actions and decisions. When there is no hope, it is probably instinct to choose to escape.
I haven't been in touch much since I left. I really wanted to laugh at that time. The so-called love is so fragile
It is true that we shed tears when we leave, but we don't live for love after all, we want to live. So it ended, a fruitless love.
In the past, if you liked someone, you would try your best to chase them. What you want is that whether you like yourself or not, you will always be moved by yourself for a long time. So I used to touch others for love, but almost no one touched myself. And some people's so-called love, but after being rejected, there is no more.
So for a long time after that, I let myself go, working near home and lacking exercise. I gained 20 pounds. One day I went shopping and looked at myself in the mirror. I was scared by my fat and bloated appearance. Then I changed my clothes in a despondent way, afraid to buy them, and took my colleagues away.
What, live like this?
Keep asking yourself, what's wrong with you? The official WeChat account also subscribes a lot, reading a lot of articles every day, thinking about changing myself, but never really putting it into action. Since winter, the plan of getting up early has never been implemented. When I went to the gym, my coach told me that I looked sad and always put things off until the end.
No wonder you live like this. It's nobody's fault. With dull eyes, pale face and bloated figure, you don't even want to take a look at yourself. How can you make others like you?
You really have nothing but a little withdrawn and arrogant. No one knows, and there is no way to say.
Fortunately, there is also a hobby of reading and writing. I read my first novel in junior high school, and then I was very excited to take out my pen and write it myself. Although most of them have a beginning, there are no articles behind, but I gave up writing for a while, and then I went to work, so I didn't have time to write anything.
Meeting on 20 17 is really fate. Let me start writing again and record it.
Friends say that you have really experienced a lot, and you are always sad.
I smiled. Maybe it's because I read too many books.
In my life, I don't seem to have experienced any big waves, I haven't seen enough scenery, I haven't written a complete book, I'm still not good, I want to learn a lot, and I still have many unfinished dreams. All I want is to live a stable life I like. Sometimes life is so beautiful that people can't bear to sigh.
I want to expose a person's true face naked to the world. This person is me.
The more I get to the back, the more I understand that life is not just the present, but also poetry and distance. It is the only thing I can do to pull out the self-abased and timid person in the past and face the dripping blood in a formal bleak life.
It won't be bright because of running, but it will be bright if you keep running.
I am very touched by this sentence about papi sauce. No matter how bad it used to be, it's over. Forget the past and don't know what it will be like in the future.
Mention the past, like a dream, resentment, hope, some things are even more reluctant to mention, but they are things that they have really experienced and cannot escape.
The road ahead, after all, is to go alone.