Vipassana is an ancient form of meditation in India. It is said that it has been lost for a long time and was later rediscovered by Sakyamuni Buddha.
There are Vipassana centers authorized by S.N. Goenka all over the world, and there are Vipassana centers in Dujiangyan, Sichuan, Baotou, Inner Mongolia and Qingdao, Shandong.
This time I attended the course of Dantong Landscape Center.
I have no religious belief, and I always find things related to Buddhism difficult to understand. Because I met some people who studied Buddhism around me, I tried to keep an open mind and was curious about the experiences of some friends who went to meditate. However, it would be strange to participate blindly, because I don't think I have faith, so I haven't tried. However, the introduction of Vipassana emphasizes that this method has nothing to do with religious belief, and anyone can practice it.
Because I studied psychology, I was exposed to mindfulness in graduate school. The concept of mindfulness originated from Buddhist meditation, emphasizing conscious awareness of the present, not making judgments, but only paying attention and observing.
Mindfulness has been applied in the field of psychotherapy by westerners, and mindfulness cognitive therapy, mindfulness decompression therapy and so on have been developed. Mindfulness is also used to treat depression.
I participated in a study during my graduate school, which also applied mindfulness to drug addicts, recorded EEG and observed electrophysiological changes. In other psychology courses, the teacher also mentioned some research results related to mindfulness, which led us to have a preliminary experience. In addition, Capital Normal University has mindfulness public welfare courses every week, which I attended once, and sometimes they have eight weeks of volunteer recruitment to collect research data.
I started reading mindfulness books and consciously searched some official WeChat accounts related to meditation. I don't know when I paid attention to the official WeChat account of Vipassana meditation. I remember reading the course introduction that accommodation is free. As a person struggling in the secular world, my first reaction was that "there is no such thing as a free lunch, there must be something fishy in it", and then I never saw it again.
Later, I paid attention to an official WeChat account, which was written by a China couple in the United States. My sister and I have always liked their articles. In one of their articles, Vipassana was mentioned. The husband of the couple said that he would go abroad to attend Vipassana courses every few years, and he felt that his body and mind benefited a lot. He also said that there is a Vipassana center authorized by Mr. S. N. Goenka in China, and the accommodation is free, but because everyone feels very benefited after the course, he will donate spontaneously.
I looked at it carefully. Isn't this the official account of WeChat that I pay attention to?
I see that the method of Vipassana is to improve concentration and awareness by observing breathing, which feels similar to mindfulness, so I am curious to experience it.
When preparing to register, a friend of a psychological counselor said that her friend had been to Dandong to attend Vipassana. When we signed up, only Dandong had a quota.
The biggest cost of participating in Vipassana is time. It takes you ten days to let go of everything in secular life, which has nothing to do with the outside world. This year, with this opportunity, I have the opportunity to go to Vipassana with my good friends who I have known for 12 years. Although there were some twists and turns in the middle of the registration, it was finally done.
The course officially started at 6: 00 pm on the day of registration, so the day was the 0 th day, followed by the complete 10 day course.
My best friend and I arrived in Dandong the night before the registration and stayed in Dandong for one night. In the evening, we got off the bus and searched Yalu River Park with a map. I didn't expect it to be close, so we stayed nearby. The next morning, we walked 1 km to the Yalu River. The weather is very good, and we can see North Korea across the river.
After lunch, my best friend and I set off for the Neiguan Center of Shuangling Temple by bus, and we got on the wrong bus.
A man showed us the way enthusiastically. Later, when he got to the center, he found that he got off with us. He should also come to Vipassana. According to his familiarity and confirmation of the route, I guess it's not the first time.
I thought the Vipassana Center was in a temple, but later it was found to be a separate center.
We saw a door that said "Freshmen for Female Freshmen" and went in. We found that there were also Class A and Class B. Class A didn't have our name, so we went to Class B again. Sure enough, we are both in Class B.
The first thing is to read some written instructions, such as what rules need to be followed during the course. When handing us the information, one legal worker (equivalent to a volunteer) looked at us and said to another legal worker, "Great, you see they know how to practice at such a young age."
Then I went to another legal worker to reconfirm the registration form, filled out some other forms, and finally signed them for confirmation. It felt very standardized.
The lawyer lamented that we were so young and asked how old we were.
I just found out that most students are the same age as my mother. There are about 50 students in our class. For those of us who look twenty or thirty years old, it is estimated that there are at most six or seven.
After submitting the form, the lawyer asked me if my best friend and I knew each other. I said we were friends. She particularly stressed that it is best not to come with friends, and there should be no communication this time, including body language and eye contact. We should create a lonely environment.
However, after the course, we found that the advantages of our coming together still outweigh the disadvantages.
For example, if you don't understand the situation for the first time, having friends will make you feel more secure, and sometimes you will feel that you can't hold on. At this time, even if my friend doesn't communicate with me, her existence is also a kind of support. Moreover, my friends and I are very familiar with each other, and we are not the type of teasing, so we can ignore each other even if we meet head-on. I also thought about what it would be like if new friends came. If it is a particularly lively friend, it is estimated that I will laugh wildly for a second as soon as I meet you.
In fact, even if you don't have friends, you will feel familiar with other strangers for more than ten days. It is impossible to be completely alone, but next time you will consider going alone to see if there will be different feelings.
The legal elder sister asked us some questions according to the procedure, and made us promise verbally again, such as not leaving halfway, getting up at 4 o'clock every day, being absolutely silent and so on. I nodded like a chicken pecking at rice and said yes, yes. Sister Fagong said happily, "OK, little sister, you can get the sheets and quilts!" "
After I got the sheets and quilts, I went to see my room number posted on the wall, and then I went to the dormitory building next to me to make the bed. The dormitory is a small single room, which I think is still good. However, I heard that there are four old students, because they can consciously abide by quiet words and do not interfere with each other, and new students need time to adapt.
The dormitory should not be locked except during sleeping hours, and all valuables should be stored. Of course, the mobile phone is the most important. I saved my mobile phone, cash and bank card, thinking that the charging treasure and data cable were useless, so I handed them all in a self-styled bag.
The more things you find really handed over, the more people will feel at ease, because you will have a feeling that there is nothing to lose.
At 6 o'clock in the evening, we will have dinner. First of all, everyone will line up to get the bowl. This bowl will be our bowl for the next ten days. I ate boiled noodles in the evening, which is also the last dinner, because I have to follow the rules of not eating after noon and not eating dinner every day.
After dinner, everyone sat down in Zhaitang to listen to the recording of the lecture. The teacher said that the silence took effect immediately and they could not speak any more. Then the purser (equivalent to the housekeeper) and the assistant purser introduced themselves, distributed everyone's number plates, led the number plates to line up on the second floor to find their meditation position, and the sit-in officially began.
In a word, the day of registration went smoothly, and I didn't feel at a loss, and there was nothing strange that made me feel uncomfortable. Lawyers are very kind. Before the quiet talk, an aunt shared her meditation experience with us and encouraged us to stick to it and not give up halfway, haha.
I went back to sleep at 9 o'clock in the evening, and I quickly washed and lay in bed. That feeling is very strange, because I don't have a watch, and I don't know what time it is (later I will go to the corridor outside to see the time before going to bed). My biggest worry is that I can't hear the clock at 4 am.
It turns out that the bell can completely wake me up. On the 0 th day, I slept very restlessly and the whole person was in a state of excitement. I almost waited for the bell to ring. As soon as the bell rang, I immediately sat up and dressed and washed quickly, just like military training.
Later, my sleep was basically normal. I find it very easy to get up early when I am trained. I get up quickly at 4 o'clock every morning when the bell rings. I think most people do, too.
The daily schedule is basically the same. If there are special arrangements, they will be written on the small white board in Zhaitang. Because I can't speak, everything is notified by words, so I need to pay attention at this time.
The following is the daily schedule:
The practice form of the whole course is meditation, which means that everyone seems to be sitting still every day, but in fact everyone is "busy" and needs to be very focused.
The first three gods are observing breathing and narrowing the scope of attention. Observing breathing is mainly to improve concentration, and narrowing the scope of attention is to improve the awareness of physical feelings.
Practice observing natural breathing, not controlling it. Usually in life, we don't realize that we are breathing when we do things. When we pay full attention to breathing, most people may unconsciously increase their breathing, which requires a process of practice. Slowly like a "bystander", watching your gentle and natural breathing.
There will be some explanations in each class in the middle. The whole model of the course is to completely copy Mr. S.N. Goenka's explanation, that is, at every time of the day, we will hear what Mr. S.N. Goenka said when giving lectures abroad. Instructions will be played once in the original sound (English) and then recorded in Chinese, which is generally short.
I won't elaborate on the specific practice methods and details, because this is something that needs practice to understand.
The first day was restless, and all the new students were walking around (the old students sat in the front and the new students sat in the back), making a rustling sound. On the first day of watching Breath, my attention often strayed and my thoughts were like wild horses out of control.
The girl on my left often falls asleep and sometimes snores, which makes me even more annoyed. The girl on my right didn't get up at 4 o'clock from the first day, and only appeared in the meditation hall at 8 o'clock every day, but as a result, she really couldn't hold on and left completely on the fifth day.
The second day and the third day are much better. I can feel my progress every day, and my concentration is obviously improved, just like the sediment in a cup of muddy water slowly begins to precipitate.
Freshmen will go to the teacher every other day to check their progress. Every time six students sit in front of the teacher, the teacher will ask us a few questions to ensure that our exercises are correct and effective (at this time, we can have a short conversation with the teacher).
On the afternoon of the fourth day, I began to teach Vipassana, observing my physical feelings from the top of my head, and keeping an equal heart in the process. An equal heart is a balanced heart, that is, it does not expect unpleasant feelings to disappear soon, nor does it expect pleasant feelings to last forever. Feelings are impermanent and constantly changing. We just need to observe.
Because when you can't get what you want, what you don't want lingers, and your heart loses balance, pain arises.
How to observe feelings, and in what order and way to observe physical feelings, there are constant instruction exercises every day.
The reason why I set aside the fourth day alone is because when I was listening to enlightenment in the meditation hall on the fourth night, I suddenly began to cry and tears poured down my face.
I don't remember what I said at the opening ceremony that night, except that I suddenly understood one thing in my heart, as if I could see the truth of one thing.
I saw some sources of inner pain and began to realize how my life track happened over the years. I realized that sometimes I think I made an important decision for one reason, but in fact, there may be other reasons in my subconscious.
At that time, I was a little overwhelmed and even a little pessimistic. Did I come here to dig out my inner pain?
On the day I came to report for duty, I saw a question on the registration form, which was to briefly introduce your life experience, such as any major life turning point or trauma. At that time, I smiled and said to my girlfriend, "Trauma? I didn't. Are all the people who come here suffering from severe mental trauma? "
So I think I came here happily. How can I be miserable now? After I went back that night, I continued to cry under the covers. I think, maybe this is the "by-product" of improving concentration and consciousness? I'm beginning to realize something I didn't realize before?
Fortunately, the opening ceremony every night will help me answer my doubts constantly, and my feelings are different every day. Finally, I really left happily. I think S. N. Goenka's metaphor is still very appropriate. He said that we came here as if we had a soul operation. We found the source of the pain, we opened the knife, and finally we had to take medicine before we left.
Later, after the class, my girlfriend said that she cried on the fourth day, but not in the meditation hall, but after returning to the dormitory at night. Maybe it is a coincidence, maybe it is a common phenomenon. If any of you cry on the fourth day, please tell me, haha.
On the morning of the fifth day, the girl on my right finally left completely, while the girl on my left got better and better and stopped moving.
Time will naturally filter out those who insist, and everyone is in good shape in the middle of these days.
Starting from the formal practice of Vipassana on the fifth day, one hour in the morning, one hour in the middle and one hour in the evening every day, and you must be motionless and unable to open your eyes.
The first time was a bit difficult, because I had no experience in meditation, and somehow my left leg hurt as long as I sat on a plate for a long time. Fortunately, the focus is on "sitting" rather than "sitting", and it does not need to be very standard.
The first one-hour repair, I put blankets on both sides under my legs and made a "light dish".
In the last few days, I will be more and more tired. When it is not compulsory to practice, I see some people will leave the meditation hall. I left once, about 25 minutes. Because I was in such a bad state that day, I sat there in a daze and didn't concentrate on introspection at all. I simply went back to my dormitory to sleep for a while.
Later, I accepted my bad state, because I knew that no matter what method I used, practice could not be accomplished overnight. Just like fitness, it is impossible to say that a few months of exercise can take care of you for a lifetime.
How helpful Vipassana is to people needs constant practice to test. Ten days just opened a window.
However, apart from Vipassana itself, I found that the whole process really honed my mind. Moving my attention from head to toe bit by bit, I am very tired and patient. Sometimes I suddenly wake up in the middle of sleep: who am I? Where am I? Then I can't remember which part of my body I observed.
There will be irritability, depression and self-doubt, but I find that I have begun to consciously restore my inner balance faster.
For example, when I begin to regret not studying hard enough in the morning, I will immediately realize this useless and annoying idea, and then tell myself an objective fact, that is, I didn't try my best in the morning. What shall we do? We'll do better now.
The past has passed, and we can only recall it, but we can't perceive it. The future has not yet arrived, but we can only rely on imagination and cannot perceive it. Only the present is the real fact that we can really realize.
Lecture every night is my favorite time, because I can listen to stories and I don't need to study hard. Class is too enjoyable for me. And every night seems to be "guessed", and the content of the chat is usually what I want to ask.
For example, one night, I suddenly realized the fact that I only love myself. I found that in some things, I asked others to be what I wanted. If not, I don't feel well. Sometimes I choose to escape, and sometimes I try to hope that the other person will change in some direct or indirect way.
Later, the next night, Teacher S.N. Goenka told a story. The king and queen are both Vipassana practitioners. One night, the queen said to the king, "I found that I only love myself." The king said, "Me too. I found that I only love myself. " Teacher S. N. Goenka said that realizing this is the beginning of change.
Of course, this does not mean that people should not love themselves, but that we sometimes just want to fulfill our "dreams".
We have the appearance of an ideal husband or his wife, and also the appearance of an ideal son or daughter. When they are not what we want, we start to worry and ask them to change. In the final analysis, this is for our own service, for our "dreams", that is to say, we are sometimes self-centered.
In the practice of Vipassana, I don't have any expectations for myself these days, just try my best to finish it. As for whether I have any special feelings, it is very personal and difficult to describe in words. When I remembered a freshman progress check, I heard a man in the male section next to me say to the teacher, "Teacher, I felt my face twitching wildly last night." I almost laughed at that time.
So I won't share my personal feelings because everyone is different.
The tenth day is a particularly happy day, because this morning 10 broke the silence. This is something I didn't know before I took the course. I think I must finish it in ten days before I can speak.
This arrangement is because we are worried that suddenly being able to talk when we leave will make us feel shocked, so let us adapt one day in advance. It turns out that this arrangement is quite good.
After breaking the silence in the morning, my best friend and I met on the way to the toilet, and finally we can't be strangers anymore. We finally looked at each other. We laughed first, and then hugged each other tightly.
In fact, about the seventh day, we were told that we could speak on the morning of the tenth day. So I have been looking forward to it for the next two days, thinking about what to say in the first sentence with my best friend, but I didn't expect to say the word "meet".
Later, everyone gathered in Zhaitang, where photos of Vipassana centers around the world were hung, and it was also a place for donations. You need a donation to get to that table, so there will be no pressure even if you don't donate. I think it's good.
When the silence is lifted, you can get your mobile phone.
After I got my mobile phone, I suddenly felt uncomfortable and felt like an alien. When I turned on my mobile phone, I saw the messages sent by my friends and family. I called my mother and my sister, and they all said they had dreamed of me several times.
At that moment, I suddenly felt a sense of existence.
Everyone in the Zhaitang is chatting as if they are familiar with each other. I feel that I have been showing eight teeth, so happy.
An aunt came to chat with us. She said that she began to learn yoga at the age of 40 and has been studying it for more than ten years. Aunt is Korean and in a good mental state. After talking, she said happily, "I'll tell my daughter when I get back that I've made two young friends!" " "
At lunch time, everyone is used to queuing actively. As a result, everyone chatted happily that day and no one wanted to eat. They called us several times before dinner.
While I was eating, I felt a poke on my back. When I looked back, it was the girl on my left who loved to sleep and snore. We both laughed together, feeling that her poke seemed to say: Hey! Dude.
She apologized to me for disturbing me the other day, saying that she was in a bad mood at first and was rather upset. I suddenly felt guilty that I was upset because of her, and I thought to myself, it's still good to talk, and people will understand each other immediately.
In short, the tenth day was very enjoyable. In the afternoon, I watched videos introducing Vipassana centers around the world and assigned the task of cleaning the next morning.
I still got up at 4 o'clock on the day I left. Two hours later, I have dinner at 6: 30, and then I clean and tidy up.
I was assigned to pack sheets and quilts. There is a pregnant woman in my group, who is pregnant for more than 7 months. The girl came to the northeast by car from Henan alone. I really admire her. She said it wasn't her first time. Girls are shy, so they don't talk about it in depth.
At 9: 30 in the morning, there was a free bus to take us to Dandong Railway Station, and the people on the bus had another chance to chat, which was very lively. I heard a man on the left say that he is from Shanghai. This is the fourth time.
After students go back, some cities have * * * training places, that is, everyone gets together, for example, we sit quietly somewhere for a few hours on weekends.
Everyone will bring back a recording of the course during Vipassana, a text version of the contents revealed every night, and a book Vipassana, which should be available for purchase. I browsed and found that the ten-day course basically covered the content.
My overall feeling is that the method of Vipassana is not complicated or mysterious. What I have done in these ten days is nothing more than observing breathing and observing subtle physical feelings. As for the theory, we don't know much at present, and practice needs to keep up.
My current understanding is that observing breathing will improve our concentration, and then observing feelings will improve our sensitivity and awareness, which is a bit like emotional awareness in psychology. Emotion will be accompanied by some physical feelings, such as changes in breathing, changes in heartbeat, physical tension and so on. Realizing emotions is the basis of managing emotions.
In addition, in the process of objectively observing feelings, we are also cultivating a balanced heart, trying not to react to things with strong inertia as before, and not to get angry as soon as we observe unpleasant feelings, and to be greedy as soon as we observe happy feelings.
Looking back on my behavior patterns carefully, I find that many times my anger or anxiety patterns are the same. On the surface, every day is different. In fact, many things happen repeatedly.
If you want to get rid of this "automatic navigation" life, you need to stay awake at all times.
postscript
My best friend said that she started a yoga class yesterday and found that the owner of the yoga studio also went to Vipassana last year. She said that her best friend was the first person she knew who had participated in Vipassana, and it still felt a little wonderful.
Expect more interesting things to happen.