This problem is my biggest headache. I've never seen such a situation before. Since my mother died suddenly four years ago, I have attached great importance to everything, especially the children. If they do something slightly wrong, they will get angry. Later, I regretted it, but there was nothing I could do. Sometimes I wonder if I am depressed [covering my face]. Now think about it, there are so many emotions when you are heavy.
1. Emotion arises because there is a stimulus, and then the reaction speed of emotion is many times faster than the rational thinking speed of our brain, so there is often a feeling that I just can't control it, but I regret it afterwards. (Knowledge points come from the emotional management part of general psychology)
Based on this scientific fact (determined by the physiological characteristics of the brain), it is not easy to control one's emotions, but it can still be changed through learning.
It's difficult to explain clearly how to control emotions in a few words. In the process of learning emotional management, we will find that this is a considerable course, such as understanding emotions, managing emotions, using emotions and so on.
3. How to control management emotions requires active learning of emotional management. I think online courses or many books are all about emotional management, and Ma Bao can study it selectively.
Controlling emotions should be a goal to be achieved at the end of study, so before this goal, there is a long cognitive and practical process to make progress step by step.
4. Emotional irritability may be accompanied by some anxiety in life.
Choose relaxation methods that suit you, such as meditation, yoga, mindfulness, etc. Relax, accept yourself now, and then adjust your state bit by bit.
When it comes to irritability, our first thought is to control it, not to analyze the reasons for our emotional deterioration. Since you are a mother, your fidgety mood will also affect your children, because children are more sensitive to the surrounding environment than adults, and children will imitate your appearance and your emotions.
I'm Bao Ma, too. The baby is now one year and two months old. Naughty when it is time to be naughty, lifeless when it is time to be angry, and sweet when it is time to warm your heart. Before I had children, I had a bad temper and a little grumpy. I am very gentle now and don't lose my temper easily. So how did I change? You can refer to the following points I said.
First, record. When it comes to recording, many people will say that it is useless, and after a long time, they will see the benefits of recording. If you have a bad temper, record the time, place, reason and feeling of losing your temper every time. Just use face-to-face language to express your inner thoughts and record every time you lose your temper. Look back every once in a while, analyze the reasons for losing your temper, and then find the corresponding solutions.
Second, study. I recommend you to watch nonviolent communication, which covers many communication skills, express your feelings, then state the facts and express your requirements. The method is particularly simple and difficult to apply to life. The reason why people lose their temper is that they don't like what others do and want to get angry. Second, cowardice can't control the status quo; Third, there are too many trivial things in life and too much pressure; Fourth, I want to get angry inexplicably because of my body hormones.
Third, cultivate new hobbies. Cultivate a new hobby in your spare time, painting or fitness. Too much pressure needs to be released. Give yourself an outlet to release stress and make your life easier. If you are really busy and have no time to cultivate hobbies, then have some fun for yourself. Watching interesting soap operas can make you feel better. Even if it's useless, just make yourself happy! If you keep your anger in your heart, it will hurt you internally for a long time, which is not good for yourself and your family.
Fourth, lower expectations. You said that controlling irritability is a good mother in the eyes of children. Everyone has different views on the definition of a good mother. For your family, you are gentle and polite, and you are very good at living at home. To outsiders, you are a good mother if you are calm and quick. For children, you are you. No matter what you are, you are his good mother. The whole world of children is beautiful and naive, not as complicated and changeable as that of adults. I said lower your expectations, and the most important thing is to lower your expectations. Everyone has the trait of pursuing perfection, just as you are bent on being a good mother with a calm personality. But bad temper is not formed in a day or two, and that kind of good temper can not be formed in a day or two. Let's slowly transition from losing our temper to losing our temper less, and finally one day we will all become good-natured people.
Fifth, accept yourself. To accept yourself, you must first reconcile with yourself and accept everything about yourself, including your bad temper. Everyone has emotions, and everyone's mood is changeable. No one is cheerful and silly every day, but everyone will have troubles or unhappiness. Even if you lose your temper, don't blame yourself too much, or even hate losing your temper. If you want to change yourself, you must first love yourself, and then try to change. Otherwise, it is not good to always struggle with yourself and find your own unhappiness.
Sixth, learn to show weakness. Weakness is not a compromise, but a manifestation of the wise. When you lose your temper, remember to apologize sincerely afterwards and explain the reasons. For example, after losing your temper with your child, tell your child afterwards that your mother just lost her temper and was very angry because you did something that made us very angry. Mom knows it's bad to lose her temper. Mom apologizes for such a thing. Let the children know that their mother is not superman and has no magical power. Mom is just an ordinary person and has her own emotions. She will lose her temper because of some things. Let children know how to distinguish his emotions from others' and how to express them correctly and healthily.
That's it. This is my humble opinion. I hope I can help you. I wish you a happy family and a safe and healthy child.
Teacher Wang Hua came to answer questions and give examples to talk about education.
Many parents who came to consult said, "I know that losing your temper can't solve the problem, but there is no way!" Some parents will also say, "I work hard, too. Why can't children understand me? "
Does that sound familiar? Right? That does sound reasonable. Parents are human, and no one is perfect. Parents and children need to understand each other. However, an adult can't control his emotions. How can he ask his children to do it? This is putting the cart before the horse.
Stranger still, many people are polite to colleagues, leaders and friends, but they are abusive to their families, especially children, and do whatever they want without scruple. Afterwards, my parents also regretted it and felt very distressed, but next time, it will still be like this!
Teacher Wang Hua is here to give you a quick and effective way to control your bad emotions and effectively curb recurring situations.
1. No matter who causes parents to lose their temper, parents should recognize the facts: the act of losing their temper is done by themselves, and they should be responsible for the consequences of their actions, rather than relying on the encouragement of others to shirk it. Just like A stole B's wallet and B hurt A, each of them has to take responsibility for his own mistakes.
Parents should sincerely apologize to each other when they lose their temper. The responsible way is to apologize and truly reflect on yourself. Many parents think that admitting mistakes to their children is to bow their heads and show weakness, to compromise and give in, and to completely confuse right and wrong. Wrong is wrong. You can't judge by facts just because of who you are facing. And my request is: I must say "I was wrong" and "I'm sorry", otherwise it will be considered invalid. This is to prevent parents from being vague and muddle through.
3. Some parents said that I really can't apologize to my children, and I can't open my mouth! Well, then don't lose your temper. You can only choose between admitting your mistake and doing it, between apologizing and restraining.
It's not that we can't control our emotions, but that the consequences are not serious enough to make us feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Do whatever you want with your children. This is all for your own good. An excuse can be a mask to cover up a bad attitude. Only by treating your actions fairly can you be calm.
If you still can't do it, then ask yourself, will I do it without scruple to a stranger? If not, your own children respect and care. Is he not as good as a stranger?
1. What should I do if I am irritable? How to control it?
1, wait for the anger to dissipate.
Studies show that anger lasts less than 12 seconds, just like a storm, which destroys everything when it breaks out, but then returns to calm. Therefore, it is very important to spend this critical 12 second and let the anger disappear naturally. Take a deep breath or mentally count 10. When you finish, you will find that you are not so angry.
(wordy, the best memory is not from 1 to 10 smoothly, but like1-4-7-10-13 ... add while counting, so that your rational brain will wake up and your attention will shift. )
2. Control your emotions.
Expressing your emotions in another way will make you feel that everything is under your control. "I'm really disappointed in your behavior." This sentence is better than when you are angry? # $%-* "is even worse.
3. Challenge your core beliefs.
Ask yourself, "Is it a good thing for subordinates to leave early at any time? For my lover, I play golf with my clients every weekend. Is this good? " If you are honest enough, your answer must be, of course not. Distinguishing right from wrong is the first step to correct.
4. Keep yourself out of it.
Imagine that a friend has been criticized by the leader for a long time, working overtime endlessly, or being ignored. How to respond correctly to her? Make a list and write down the actions she may take, and then ask herself, why are these methods feasible for her but not for herself?
5. Conduct a "healthy" confrontation.
If someone accuses you, you can use positive and constructive language to fight back. The other person may be surprised or even angry at your language. But you know what? They will forgive and get used to your way. For family members and good friends, swallowing up anger is often more lethal than expressing anger directly.
6. Ask yourself.
Whenever you want to blame yourself, start asking yourself, "Who told me I should be responsible for this?" Then ask yourself, "Do you believe this?" Recognize the real responsibility, instead of coming forward indiscriminately and taking responsibility that you shouldn't bear.
7. Improve self-confidence.
Make a list and write down all your advantages. Finding self-confidence is the key to avoiding excessive self-blame. If you have any questions about this, you can ask professionals for help.
8. Face your heart.
What are you really satisfied with? If you can dig into your heart, you will find that a stapler, dirty socks on the floor and empty milk bottles in the refrigerator are not worth your anger at all. But if you can't find the bottom line of anger by looking straight into your heart, you need to consult a professional.
9. Watch out for signs of anger.
Be sensitive to your reactions and feelings about getting angry. When you are angry, will your hand unconsciously become a fist? You started walking around the room? Keep chanting, cursing or gnashing your teeth? When you can sensitively detect the signs that you are about to get angry, you can do something to calm the coming anger at once.
2, bad temper and irritability are harmful, just to control your emotions!
Adjust one's bad temper with external force.
If you want to get rid of your bad temper, you can help yourself overcome it by letting your family, friends and colleagues supervise you. If you can, you can write a warning on the wall and other places that you can often see to remind yourself.
Self-control, irritability, irritability
If you are grumpy and irritable, you can constantly remind yourself to think twice when something happens, and if you want to lose your temper, you should constantly hint that you should be calm. Because people can reduce anger with the constant issuance of self-warnings, which helps to avoid anger.
Adjust diet to improve irritability.
If the body lacks vitamin B 1, it is easy to make the mood unstable and the temper irritable. Therefore, you can control a large amount of sugar intake in your usual diet, and reducing your body's consumption of vitamin B 1 will also help improve your temper.
Let me share my baby's literacy experience with you. My baby started reading with him at the age of 3, but my children don't like books that don't move much. Later, I began to look for animation education materials, and used many kinds of early education applications before and after. Advertisements are frequent, and children begin to charge if they don't know the learning effect, until they find that Maoshuai's literacy application can accumulate literacy, develop good reading habits and quickly adapt to young convergence.
When a person is upset, he should first calm down and think about what he has just experienced. When your child provokes you, silently say "born of your own", which will also calm down or divert your attention. I think a person who can control his emotions is also a great person. I sometimes think that this is also a Dojo to exercise self-control when one's anger turns to calm.
There are not a few mothers who have a bad temper when they are young. I used to, too. Later, when I was old, I felt guilty. I feel so old that it's wrong to scare a tender and weak child who knows nothing. It's a pity that life can't be repeated. If I could do it all over again, I would kneel on the ground and be a horse for my son.
How to control your impatience and be a good mother?
First of all: I think as parents, we should also study. Nowadays, children are not completely allowed to eat grass. Every child has a high starting point. Therefore, as parents, we should also study more. Improve yourself more. Have the same topic as children, don't always use the ideas of the 1980 s to bring children of the new era. I often go to some expert lectures to get to know my children better.
Second: I think parents should also put themselves in others' shoes. What is the real reason why children make you angry? Learn to communicate, the eldest daughter 10 years old, occasionally resists and talks back. I tried to get angry with her many times, but I basically held back, son. After school, I will sit down and write a letter to her and write down my views on what happened today. I have to understand her and agree with her so that she will listen to what you have to say next. Then it will be easier to listen to the truth, and she will write back to me and secretly press it under my pillow to admit her mistake. I think writing letters is easier to solve problems than getting angry.
Third. Give children more hugs and love. The healthiest child is full of sunshine in his heart, giving his lover more hugs, which seems to have nothing to do with education, but makes him feel happy and warm at home. Children will also be more understanding and grateful to their parents, so you won't have so many opportunities to get angry.
When children do things that make their parents angry, some parents will naturally pretend to be rude, teach or interfere, and even beat and scold. This method is really not desirable.
As parents, we want our children to be obedient and talented, but sometimes it always backfires. Over time, we became rude parents.
In fact, I think children are a mirror of their parents. As parents, if they want their children to be obedient, to be good mothers and not to be rude parents, they must take responsibility for themselves. If they do well in all aspects, their children will naturally do well.
Sometimes doing is much more useful than saying.