This is the result of my communication with my husband.
I decided not to be a baby chicken. I'm tired, and so are my children.
I practice piano for about an hour every day, and I have no special love or talent in this respect. When I grow up, I will probably perform at company annual meetings and family gatherings. I won't feel the pleasure of piano and music, nor will I bring much value to myself. Is it worth spending a lot of time and losing happy time?
Wang Yingwei, the first generation of "Chicken Baby" in Beijing, expressed his feelings on the Internet: school district, private foreign language teaching, cram school, Antarctic study tour, overseas exchange ... I have experienced all the "Chicken Baby Education Plan" you can imagine. I've always been a chicken like this, and I haven't got ahead!
After graduating from high school, she was admitted to the director department of Beijing Film Academy. At present, she is a screenwriter and writer. The annual income is slightly stronger than that of ordinary white-collar workers in the north, Guangzhou and Shenzhen. I can afford a car, but I still can't afford a house in Beijing alone.
Her friends are not much different from her. Chicken has been cultivated for 20 years, but there is still no chance to slash and burn. It can only be intensively cultivated on the small piece of soil that parents originally cultivated.
She said that many of her friends have begun to think about this problem: some started baking as a sideline, some quit their jobs as bartenders, some became owners in Bali, and some even worked as fitness instructors and take-away deliverymen.
When I started my business, I was tired of using PPT to cheat investment; Those who have made up their minds to engage in academics have completely lost their illusions about the academic circle; People who love art almost jumped into the Thames; People who used to pursue wealth and freedom are now saddled with loans.
We went to so many countries, learned so much knowledge, got master's and doctoral diplomas, patented works, etc ... In the end, didn't we just move bricks, or even get along without a job?
My daughter doesn't eat as much as Wang, and my husband and I are not as smart and rich as Wang's parents.
So if we continue to join the involution, what else can we get besides making us and our children particularly anxious and hard?
Fight back?
I looked at the two children in front of me (Hiroko 1 1 year-old, Yue Yue is 8 years old), and I have to admit that the children are as ordinary as me.
Since kindergarten, I have tried more than ten super-long classes, including Go, Hosting, Dance, Piano, Painting, Martial Arts and Calligraphy. I didn't find anything that children particularly liked, and I didn't see anything that children were particularly good at.
Without enthusiasm and talent, how to counterattack?
The people's senior "chicken baby" failed to fight back. What confidence do we ordinary "chicken baby" have?
I'm really worried that my daughter spends a lot of time and energy on things she doesn't like to do every day, but in the end she can't play much positive role in her life just because of our so-called "persistence".
At that time, how should I face this reality? Will children regret the missed time?
If the "chicken" is doomed to the fate of ordinary people in the end, does it still have the meaning of existence?
I watched several episodes of Growing Up with You yesterday. At the beginning, it was the "enrollment rate" of key primary schools that everyone imagined. Some parents try their best to hope that their children can enter key primary schools. Whether it's a talent show, finding a way out through contacts, or encouraging others to make a fuss ... In short, I feel full of anxiety, as if my child's life would be ruined if I didn't go to that primary school.
Tamia Liu's Awakening is a successful woman who never cares about her children's early education.
Then through the communication with mothers and the painstaking indoctrination of friends, they were successfully brainwashed by these mothers and became more and more anxious. It is believed that children must enter key primary schools and parents must not let their children lose at the starting line. As a result, many tasks were arranged for her husband and many study plans were made for her children, which made her husband helpless, her children resisted and she was tired.
Lin, played by, is a full-time wife. All her sense of value comes from serving a good husband and raising a good daughter. As long as her daughter doesn't get the first place in the exam, she will be criticized by her husband. In the eyes of her husband, he is responsible for making money to support his family, and she is responsible for raising a daughter to become a phoenix.
Children must be the first in the exam, must be the best, must be ...
The little girl is good at acting. Sitting there quietly without any language aroused people's full love.
The little girl who lives in the villa can't see a trace of leisure and can't feel the vitality of her children at home. I rush to various counseling institutions every day, bearing my father's high hopes.
TV plays come from life, but they are not necessarily higher than life.
When I was giving my child a SEL social emotion class, I met a little girl who said that she got 99 points in the exam and was beaten by her mother when she came home. Because mom doesn't think she should lose 1 point, and because there are three 100 points in the class, and she is not among them.
How big is the impact of these 99 points on children's future development? I think it may be small. But because of 99 points, mom hit her. How much psychological influence does this behavior have on children? I think the score of Bidiu 1 is heavier.
If we "chicken baby" for more than ten years and find that children still can't escape the fate of ordinary people, will we regret not letting children have fun and experience the world when they are young?
If a child has worked hard on remedial classes and projects for more than ten years in the involution era, only to find that these efforts have little impact on his life, will he feel sorry?
How would you feel if you saw your child say "Don't give birth to me" in a hot search comment # I want to tell my 20-year-old mother in February?
I think I will cry.
Because it means that children deny their own existence and their own lives.
He can't see much sunshine and happiness in this world, and he has no love and interest in many things. He doesn't want to face the boring ups and downs, but prefers to live in the future by himself.
My daughter Yue Yue is a curious child. She will be delighted to see a dandelion on the road and ask me why dandelion flies when it blows. I will try to grow flowers and vegetables myself, and I will make my own sundial at home because of what I learned in science class. Curious about the birth of life, told me to hatch chickens ... she is full of curiosity about everything in the world.
She will look at all kinds of flowers and vegetables planted on the balcony for twenty minutes. She wrote in her diary that I was chatting with them.
And I, knowing that she is slow in doing her homework, may stay up late, but I still can't say to her when she is in high spirits, "Let's go, stop doing it and do it quickly!" " "
If the children's world is only subject study and homework, how much curiosity and enthusiasm will the children have left? If a child has no curiosity and love for the world, where will his future happiness come from?
Is it wealth? Or status? Or the envious eyes of others?
What should I do if my ability is limited and I don't get the expected wealth and status? Do you feel like a failure and deny your life?
Of course, the economic base determines the superstructure. There is no doubt about it.
But in modern society, there are too many ways for people to develop. You can't have a happy life unless you squeeze into the ivory tower of 985,211. You can do business, run a business, make short videos, write articles/novels, and open a tea shop. ...
Love, only to reach a long time.
Warren Buffett said, "If you want to do what you like, success will follow."
Buffett was born in an ordinary family. His first toy as a child was also one of his favorite toys. Tied to his wrist is a "metal money changer". He is fascinated by the process of changing money and the feeling of having money. Calculating compound interest at an extremely fast speed was a pastime he liked to devote himself to when he was a child.
When he was a child, he was very sensitive to numbers. He will overlook the busy intersection, write down the license plates of passing cars, then go home, open the World Herald and count the times each letter appears on it.
Aside from his talent, if in China, how many parents can allow their children to stand at intersections and observe the license plate numbers of passing cars every day? With that time, I will take more remedial classes and do more papers, which will be more practical.
I always feel that some parents pay too much attention to short-term results (I occasionally fall into this pit). What they want is the results of this exam, not the children's continuous interest in learning, their psychological state and their ideal dreams.
Many people think that the college entrance examination is a milestone. When the college entrance examination is over, parenting/education is over. The success of children's college entrance examination represents the success of parents.
Is that really the case?
Not long ago, the death of American student Zhang Yide shocked many people. He used to be a child worshipped by everyone, and his father was the object of worship. A child with a high school resume should have unlimited sunshine in front of him, but he chose the end of his life.
Is this a successful case? Or a failed case?
Unable to classify.
"Chicken baby anxiety" actually belongs to the anxiety of the middle class.
Shen Xiaoyan in the play doesn't have much anxiety, because she is not qualified for anxiety. She has no money for expertise and consultation, and no time for companionship. She works all kinds of jobs all day just to earn more tuition for her son.
I am also an ordinary person, only a little better than Shen Xiaoyan, and far from the middle class.
I have no unrealistic expectations for my children. I just hope they can have a healthy body and mind, have one or two hobbies, and have curiosity and love for the world. I can look forward to the sunrise and embrace the sunshine every day. That's enough.
A positive attitude is far better than any education.
Because a person with a positive attitude must be an accomplished person. He is not afraid of difficulties, does not shrink back, does not escape, dares to face setbacks and difficulties, and studies and lives with heart. He is full of hope and grows up in the sun.
Moreover, don't think that "not raising chickens" is "herding sheep".
The opposite of "chicken baby" is not "neglect", but the guidance of outlook on life, values and world outlook, which is the cultivation of children's mentality. -It's hard. If you can't do it, you can start from yourself first. If we do well, the children will naturally hear us.
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Author: Hao Yuelong Song is an active lecturer in discipline and family education. There are two beasts at home, constantly challenging and growing. All the written words come from personal study and practice, or have limitations, please refer to them constructively. If you like, please pay attention to me @ Hao Yue Long song positive discipline, so that we can have a better parent-child relationship together and make ourselves better.
Original works, plagiarism will be investigated.
The picture came from the network and has been deleted.