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When falling in love, a person's appearance will affect the first instinct of two people to be together, but appearance can only determine whether they can be together, and three views can determine whether they can last long.
Because of the five senses, love is easy. It's not easy to be together because of three views. Probably only people with the same three views can live in harmony.
My best friend Xiao Han University just graduated, and her family introduced her to a "suitable" boy. Xiao Han thinks this boy is excellent in all aspects and looks ok, so he tries to associate with him.
After that, I experienced a flash marriage, which was grand and envied others. But not long after, she told me that she had divorced him.
When in love, both men and women are good at observing each other and pretending to be liked or appreciated by each other. After entering marriage, both men and women should shed their feathers and reveal those hidden thorns.
I asked her what happened to her ex-husband. Han Xiao thought for a long time, then blushed and said, "He didn't treat me badly. On the contrary, he is a very good gentleman. He will help me pull the door when I take the bus, help me pull the chair when I eat, and be polite to my elders. "
According to her, her ex-husband is a very good man.
Han Xiao went on to say, "But I don't think he and I have the same point of view. We can't even talk together. Chickens and ducks talk about one build and one build. It's hard for us to live together. We often have a cold war for three days because of some small things, and even he ran away from home for half a month and disappeared. I don't want to live like this all my life. "
Finally, she smiled again: "It's good to be apart. I feel very relaxed and I feel myself now. "
A marriage with different views is like a cage. He can't see your inner sadness, hear your complaints and understand your needs. It's like an ocean between us, and we can't touch it.
02
In love, Han Xiao and that boy haven't been together for a long time, but the repeated collision of their living habits, values, hobbies and attitudes towards life has hinted that their relationship may not be so suitable.
For example, Han Xiao likes to go to the cinema to watch movies, thinking that it will have an atmosphere, but the man said that going to the cinema is more troublesome, so it is better to wait for resources to come out and watch it at home.
Han Xiao likes going to the gym to exercise, but the boy thinks he can't exercise. It's unnecessary to go to the gym. It's a waste of money.
When traveling, Xiao Han always likes to take pictures with his camera. Delicious and fun. Every wonderful moment, she wants to freeze forever, but when she looks back, she always sees the impatient eyes of boys.
......
There are so many such things, even if I have to admit that this boy is really good in all aspects, and the way he treats people is something she appreciates, but it's just appreciation.
Even if you fall in love again, there is not much happiness. Because he doesn't understand you at all.
Han Xiao is very open-minded about this divorce. In her words, I married him, not his looks, money or background. No matter how good his conditions are, whether he talks or not will not change.
To this end, Han Xiao finally understood that no matter how bumpy the road of love in the future is, she must find someone who is similar to her three views and spend the rest of her life together.
Life is so long. Instead of wasting time in disputes and disputes caused by trivial matters, it is better to find someone who agrees with his three views and grow old together in peace.
03
There seem to be many such examples in life. Many girls are constantly urged by their families when they reach a certain age. Parents always like to tell their children not to be too picky. Marriage is when two people live together, and it's almost good.
Not long ago, a reader in Shanghai wrote to me, saying that because he had been busy with his career, he was not married at the age of 30, and his parents were very anxious.
When she came home for the Spring Festival last year, her parents locked her at home and asked her to go back to work in Shanghai after she got married, otherwise she would cut off contact with her mother and daughter for life.
In this case, she agreed to a blind date and soon got together with a successful man. Although he was divorced, she thought she was really old, so she tried to contact him.
When falling in love, he made her feel that he was the right man for her, and she hated that time had made them meet each other so late.
After getting married, she found that there were problems between them that could not be solved. He restricted her freedom of life, forbade her to work in Shanghai, and advised her to give up her career in Shanghai.
He said to her, "You are my wife. You should listen to me, have a baby at home and take care of my parents!" " "
It is difficult for her to change his mind, and he will not understand her pursuit. Their thinking is not on the same frequency, and they cannot seek common ground while reserving differences and tolerate each other.
If you want to avoid conflict with the other party, you just need to carefully hide your true self, constantly compromise, constantly give in, and constantly play the ideal person in the other party's mind. Is this life really what you want?
She shared her happiness with him, and he thought she was showing off. She told him that she was sad, and he thought she was melodramatic.
Obviously, both of them attach great importance to this relationship and each other, but they get along very tired, and the closer they get, the more tired they get. Better stop here.
04
Life is a collection of trivial contradictions, and the three views we formed in our respective families directly affect the final direction of marriage.
We can tolerate different living habits, different economic levels and weak emotional foundation. After all, different habits can be changed, economic differences can be improved, and feelings can be cultivated. However, the inconsistency of internal cultural thoughts is the fundamental obstacle for two people to communicate with each other.
In the end, readers in Shanghai, like Han Xiao, chose divorce.
Marriage with different views is hell. In the name of love, lock each other in a wet and dark life, and you will never see the light and hope in your life.
How important is the similarity of three views in marriage? It makes men and women have similar values, the same hobbies, the same expectations for life and the future, and there are always endless words together, so they get along easily and are particularly harmonious and happy.
In a marriage with similar views, men and women have the same frequency of thinking, and communication efficiency is improved, which can avoid many contradictions.
People with similar views are more likely to solve the contradictions arising from marriage.
When encountering problems, they don't rush to complain to each other and pass the buck, but calmly analyze the crux of the problem, and Qi Xin works together to find a solution to the problem.
Marriage is a long river, and three views are boats crossing the river. The husband is at the helm and the wife is watching the road. What matters is tacit understanding.
Only couples with the same views will become more and more tacit and warmer. You don't need to deliberately lower yourself to satisfy each other. On the road of life, you laugh together, laugh together, support together, get better together and grow old together.
This kind of marriage is really good and beautiful, just like a fairy tale that has been circulated for many years.
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