My child is just in the first grade, and he is very procrastinating in doing his homework. He is also tired of playing while doing it. The more you scold him, the worse he does. Now that I have learned to let go, I will make a deal with him, saying that I can watch TV for a while and praise him more at the end of tonight. I will pretend not to let him teach me, and he will be very confident. I don't need to lick him when I do my homework. I hope my method can help you.
This parent should be a child, right? It's all like this. I was the same. I almost beat the child's head silly. I think it is so smart when I play at ordinary times. Why is it so stupid to do homework? In fact, I later regretted this move. He can't do some questions, but he doesn't know how to solve them, or some questions have been changed a little, and the children haven't figured it out, because after a while, I found that he can do all the questions we beat and scold.
I believe that after a while, when you look back, you will find that things are not so bad. Treat it normally. When you were young, there was no one to help you with your homework. If you do this, that person may be angry with you. [yi tooth] [yi tooth]
I get angry every day and feel irritable. What this precious mother said was all about her emotional problems.
Didn't specify the child's illness, is it because the child doesn't want to do homework that makes you angry? Or do children always make mistakes in their homework and make you angry?
Ma Bao didn't mention the child's situation, but directly threw out her own situation, which showed that she didn't want to see her angry and irritable attitude.
Because I don't know the specific situation of the child, it is not good to propose a solution. Here are three related practical examples to see how these parents solve problems:
Example 1:
When I just graduated, I worked in an education and training institution, mainly for primary school students. My job is to help them finish their homework carefully.
There is really a big difference between children and children. Some children never need the teacher to stare at them when they arrive at the custody class.
They consciously take out all their homework, solve it in the same way, ask me if they don't understand, and let me check after they finish.
After finishing my homework, I will take the initiative to take out my books to review or preview.
In short, the whole counseling process went smoothly.
In the face of such children, my tone of voice will be much softer unconsciously.
Of course, there are obedient and worry-free, and naturally there are naughty people who don't do their homework well and can't even sit still. Even if they were forced to sit there, they did their homework at sixes and sevens.
It is all kinds of threats and inducements, and the means are exhausted, but the effect is not great.
I wonder, why are these children so different?
After thinking, I began to observe, not children, but their respective parents.
Parents' characteristics to obedient and worry-free children: relaxed expression, gentle speech and encouragement.
Parents of children who are naughty or don't do their homework well: they are full of resentment, and their words are mainly yelling, with less encouragement and more attacks.
I think their attitude towards children should not only appear after their children go to school. Perhaps a similar attitude is looming before going to school. Doing homework at school is only the fuse, and the attitude is only aggravated.
A very rustic sentence: children are copies of their parents.
As the first tutor after the child is born, the influence of parents on the child is crucial and far-reaching.
Therefore, this treasure mother first analyzes the baby's specific problems, then learns more about scientific parenting knowledge and changes the status quo through effective ways and means!
Case 1 abstract:
I will take the initiative to change myself before changing my children.
Example 2:
A former colleague, she often told me about her daughter, who is in grade one.
They have a group of parents. Every day, teachers send pictures and videos of children attending classes.
All the other children are "Good performance today!" "Reading aloud is great!" "The class is very serious!" Wait a minute. Praise.
But when it comes to my baby, the style of painting suddenly changes!
"So-and-so always speaks in class today!" "So-and-so always talks back to the teacher today!" ……
She said that her children like to talk very much, and they are all the same, and the teacher doesn't take anything seriously.
I have my own ideas, but children's ideas are often "disobedient" in front of adults.
After listening to her words, I said, your children are great! Since she likes expression very much and doesn't like being over-regulated, you can try to cultivate her expression, cultivate it well, and maybe get something!
Sure enough, later she sent her child to learn to speak, and the child really spoke better than the average child.
After her desire to express herself was satisfied, she gained more praise, became more confident and less hostile to her surroundings.
Parents and teachers can communicate with her more easily.
Case 2 Summary:
Children's "shortcomings" are often his strengths, and parents should be good at discovering, excavating and patiently cultivating.
Example 3:
After my cousin's children go to school, they just don't want to do their homework well, and no matter how hard they persuade them, they can't help their enthusiasm for learning.
It takes a long time to accompany my children to do their homework every night, which makes my cousin have a headache.
After I saw this situation, I asked them to try to change their state.
Because this state of ineffective companionship lasted for too long, it didn't have much positive effect.
The child is still like that, and the parents are still in pain.
I noticed that my little nephew likes new and interesting things, and he seems to be disgusted that his parents are always around him.
Then why not combine learning with new and interesting things and let him have his own independent space?
I told my cousin what I thought, and before long, my cousin's wife was in a circle of friends.
I really didn't expect that one day children would take the initiative to do their homework without being disturbed.
The method is simple. They bought a children's writing desk and let him do his homework alone.
The little nephew was very excited when he saw his writing desk.
When he was writing his homework, he had his own "partner".
Satisfied with novelty and ownership, he is happy to study in his own field of Xiaotian.
Case 3 summary:
Intermittently providing external "stimulation" in combination with children's individual needs will stimulate children's enthusiasm for something.
I believe that every baby has infinite surprises for his mother!
I'm mother pineapple. Welcome to talk about psychology/parenting/yoga fitness!
Seeing this parent's problem reminds me of some similar reports I saw in the media before: a mother helped her child with her homework, and as a result, she got high blood pressure and was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment, which almost killed her. There is also a matter of parents writing homework for their children, which almost collapsed. So there is a saying on the internet: tutoring children to do homework is a high-risk occupation, and parents need to be cautious.
It can be seen that parents' tutoring their children's homework has caused some troubles to parents to a great extent. What shall we do? Let me give you some personal suggestions:
Let's talk about why watching children do their homework or helping them do their homework will make them angry.
I remember a video that was very popular on the Internet a few years ago. A pupil learns to recite the multiplication table of 1999. Mom and dad are very angry. The child recited it many times, but he could never recite it. Children find it difficult, but parents find it incredible and think children are too stupid.
Why do you have a completely different view on one thing? Our parents might as well think about it. When we are the same age as children, we
Isn't there a similar scene? For example, reciting texts is always not fluent; Or when doing homework, never do it and make no mistakes; Or do homework for a long time but never finish it. ...
In psychology, there is a term called projection. This concept was put forward by Freud in 1894. He used this concept to analyze and understand the inner world of visitors. Projection refers to a defense mechanism that our ego uses to eliminate inner disgust or guilt when facing the superego; I just put my inner desires, attitudes or unacceptable things on others and think that these "bad" things belong to this person, not to me.
From this perspective, we are angry because the child's situation activates the part that we can't accept, such as the embarrassment and unspeakable anger we experienced when we were young; Or we can't accept that children are not what we think, and think that our children should be very smart, obedient and excellent children, just like we are now; Or maybe we may encounter unsatisfactory things at work. Children activate our sense of powerlessness, but we can't accept our incompetence ... Similar to the above situation, we may get angry when we see that our children are not as good as we think.
Psychologist Alice's ABC theory holds that our emotions are not caused by events, but by our views on this matter.
From this, we understand that we are angry when children do homework, and there is also an idea about the writing state of children, which makes us angry.
It can be seen that in order to solve this problem, we must be able to understand what our inner thoughts are in the face of children's homework. In addition to this idea, can we also understand the state of children's homework from another angle, that is, from a different perspective and a different way of thinking? Once we think about this problem in a different way, our thoughts will be different, and the resulting emotions will be completely different.
Therefore, whenever we feel angry when we see children doing homework, we might as well ask ourselves: What am I thinking? What do I want? What can't you accept? Are these things we can change?
After such reflection, we may have different feelings and understandings. When we are different, our children will change.
First of all, we must understand that he is still a child and can't ask each other by the standards of adults. It is necessary to learn some child psychology.
Secondly, we should give priority to encouragement, and less blame, complaint and even verbal violence, which will hurt children's psychology. Otherwise, it will aggravate their sense of inferiority, and they will not continue to communicate with you, or smirk to please you, or simply give up on themselves. You must know a good atmosphere and a happy mood, and the brain's work efficiency will be high.
Third, we must set an example. There is a saying circulating on the Internet: The most hateful parents are those who don't work hard and then lay eggs, forcing each other to be the person they want to be. In fact, this is not for children, but for myself in my heart. Teaching by example is more important than teaching by words. What are you doing when the children are reading?
Fourth, don't always watch children do every problem with their eyes shining. All you have to do is read a book quietly, find you when your child needs help, or help check and correct mistakes when you finish reading.
Fifth, accept that children are ordinary people and don't compare everything with others. We should insist that our children get the first place in the exam and excel. Think about how to learn how to speak when they are that old. Think about whether you have passed on good genes to your children! It is estimated that people who get angry every time they watch their children do their homework will not get angry until their children go to junior high school, because at that time you can't understand his homework at all! [Cute]
Sixth, I think what I do with my children is to cultivate a good habit and a good thinking mode. This is by no means a big deal. It is more important to leave some space for children and give them a happy childhood.
I don't know when we started to be so nervous about our children's homework.
He writes slowly and we are in a hurry;
We are angry at his ugly writing;
We were angry when he made a mistake.
Why can't he do his homework slowly? Can't be ugly? Can't be wrong?
To be fair, are all our homework fast, accurate and beautiful? How many people can confidently tell me?
If not, then why not tolerate children?
Who doesn't want to be born with everything, who doesn't want to do everything perfectly, but how many people can do it?
As parents, we should know our children, stabilize ourselves, and then see how to relieve their irritability.
TFboys has a song "Imperfect Children", and there is a lyric in it that goes like this:
This song sings the hearts of many children. Please allow themselves to be imperfect and have the right to make small mistakes occasionally.
Failure is the mother of success.
The process of falling and getting up again is an important part for children to grow up. Don't break their wings, blame them for not flying.
Parents like to sit next to their children and watch them do their homework, but have you ever thought about it? How much pressure the child should have!
If your general manager sits next to you and watches you finish a task, what do you think in your heart? Will the task completed in fear be good?
Doing homework is a child's own business. Let them think and do it in their own way. This is the process of learning.
Parents can read books and newspapers by themselves, or study. When children really need the help of their parents to solve their doubts, they should explain. Don't give an answer directly. Telling the answer is the fastest but most useless teaching method.
When children succeed through hard work, they want their parents' approval.
At this time, appropriate praise and encouragement can enhance children's self-confidence, have more motivation to make progress, and effectively close the relationship between them. Why not?
Every child is an angel with broken wings. They came to us with the purest love. Parents want their children to grow up healthily and happily. As parents, we must be patient, learn to control our bad emotions, accompany our children to grow up with love, and put aside the anxiety of pulling out the seedlings. They may not grow up to be the perfect self in your heart, but it doesn't prevent them from becoming the best self!
"I get angry when I watch my children do homework every day, and I feel irritable. How can I alleviate it? "
As parents, let's analyze the "cause of irritability". Children's homework is procrastinating, slow and careless. When you help her with her homework, she looks blank and doesn't respond whether she understands or not. These are the root causes of your irritability and anger.
After analysis; In fact, the main problems are unclear roles and responsibilities, and psychological barriers between parents and children.
Find what you should do, don't go beyond your role, and only take on what you should do and the responsibilities you should bear within your role.
Parents just need to manage their emotions, don't get angry easily, and don't lose control of their emotions. They should be good parents in front of their children, and don't let casual tantrums become children's learning habits in the future. It will be too late for them to rebel in adolescence.
Fully understand the hardships brought by children's study. There is no simple learning method. She is just a child, and it is not easy for adults to face learning.
When children encounter unsolvable things or problems in their studies, it is very important to guide them to distinguish right from wrong. You can sit down with your parents and family, exchange views, discuss and solve things in a friendly way. Everyone can manage their emotions well, and they will not lose control of their emotions and anger others, and they can also respect everyone present. It is best to find a solution in a conversation. If you can't find a solution, try to find a solution in the next conversation, give each participant enough time to consider and participate, and let the participants take the initiative to assume their due responsibilities after thinking. Children's learning is also a truth, just let them know what role people will play on the stage of life, and if they want to shine on the stage, they must assume their own roles. You should work hard at the learning stage, and the results you get can prove whether you are wonderful in this role.
As a parent, you just need to do your own role and set an example for your children. Every future path of your child will have your style of doing things, which will affect your child's future life path. Therefore, children are parents' copy models. Parents pay special attention to their children's emotional management, which is related to their future development. A person's temper is a person's fate.
As parents, find out the time period after work every day, set the study time for themselves and their children, and study well during this time period, so that parents can study independently or be busy with their work. Or reading by yourself, parents must sit still and read carefully, giving their children a good reading posture, attitude and example. Naturally, children will also be affected. After a long time, children will sit up when studying, take a serious attitude, study hard and stop playing.
If children want to find a good learning attitude, parents must first do it, which will affect their children unconsciously. Parents should do it first, not just ask their children.
In arranging the daily study time, parents will never interfere with their children's homework, and children can't disturb their parents. That is, children can't do their homework or ask their parents. They just need to tell their children to do the problems they can do first, and the problems they can't do are empty, and then study after the mutual learning time is over. Learn from each other before you ask your parents.
In this way, children will gradually understand, don't bother others casually, solve their own problems first, and then ask for help if they can't solve them. If you don't look for someone else first, you look like an outsider. Don't give children the habit of relying on others and shirking their responsibilities. Children who can bear hardships from childhood will inevitably support themselves when they grow up.
Parents are studying with their children; Parents should not interfere with their children, turn off their mobile phones and TVs, and work hard at their desks; Or read books to enrich yourself. Children need to learn, so do parents. Only learning can make progress, and only learning can set a good example for children.
Parents' attitude towards learning will directly affect children's attitude towards learning.
Parents learn to let go of their children's studies. Children's learning is what children should do, not what parents should do. Let the children be responsible for their own study, study hard and have a good exam. How many things children teach themselves can prove everything. Fully mobilize the child's sense of responsibility and let him know that he is responsible for himself.
Good habits let children know what they should do, what they must do, what are the benefits of doing it, what are the consequences of not doing it well, and what the cost is.
Let children gradually understand that parents have parents' things to do and can't solve everything with their parents. Even if they knew, it wouldn't help much. It is better to find a way to solve it yourself as soon as possible.
Let children know that it is their own business to do their homework, that is, they forget to bring their homework to school, and teachers will criticize themselves, not their parents.
How can I tell my parents if I don't study hard and my grades come down? Let him know that all explanations are pale in front of your grades. Only your own efforts are correct. Parents will not participate in their own study, and parents will only look at your grades.
Once a parent meets a teacher to find a parent because of a child's problem, he must first understand the situation and judge right or wrong. If the child really has a problem, be sure to ask the child seriously, let the child make things clear seriously, and avoid blaming the child wrongly. Then try to ask the child's opinion and see how the child will solve it. If the method is feasible, solve the problem according to the child's way, let the child know the mistake and correct it. At the same time, children can write a review, fully understand their mistakes, where the problem lies, and avoid committing it again in the future.
The scenes we usually encounter are; The child is doing his homework: the parents are standing at the table, and the eagle is staring at the child's every move like a chicken. They were very nervous with anger. Perhaps a small move, or a little care of children, will cause parents to question and intervene. Doing a wrong question will also make parents "furious" at any time. The ugly face of parents when they are angry will make children habitually suffer from "learning phobia". When it comes to learning, they will be afraid. When it comes to learning, they will have emotional breakdown and psychological pain.
Parents should realize that this situation will bring many "psychological obstacles" to their children's study. In order to avoid this situation, parents should first create a relaxed learning atmosphere, be happy and encouraged, and prevent parents from going into a rage because of a little thing, and their image in the eyes of children will be completely destroyed; Problems caused by overall image destruction; From rebellion to disobedience, children look down on their parents' style of doing things, which leads to resistance, mainly emotional resistance. In the future, my parents will not listen to anything they say. As long as the child opens his mouth, he won't give his parents a chance to speak and can't communicate at all.
Clearly distinguish the boundaries of children's rights in study and life, and let him understand; Do your best to do your own thing, respect your parents, don't disturb them at will, don't do things beyond your responsibilities, and don't do things beyond your rights.
It is very important to cultivate the boundary of power, which is related to children's ability to do things correctly in their later lives, to grasp the strength, to have strong interpersonal skills and to have good relations with others.
Parents consciously guide and help their children to distinguish the boundaries of power; In the future, children's lives will never get out of control, and they will never have unbearable consequences because of their own impulses. (such as fighting in anger or other excessive behaviors), avoid excessive consumption leading to online loans, or control yourself and lead to regret.
To avoid losing control of emotions in life, parents should make a rational and clear mode of thinking, and find out what is wrong when encountering things, instead of going on the rampage of losing control of emotions or solving things in a rude way.
In order to avoid bad influence on children, parents should first do their best. Children will naturally learn when they grow up, and they will be integrated into their personality and way of doing things. There are no born bad children, but the example set by parents is not good enough. What the natural mold looks like, the child is cast according to the mold.
As parents all hope; I hope my children will succeed, but the foundation of success is that parents can lead by example to teach excellent children.
Parents must manage their emotions well, don't get angry easily, and things will not get out of control. A good mood will affect a child's life. Children with good mood are elegant, educated and have a smoother life path. Taking every step of life will naturally give children a bright future.
Thank you very much I hope I can encourage each other with my online friends! !
A: That is happiness, and it will soon become a beautiful memory!
The child thrives. When I went to college, I could only look at my child's room with deep affection, silently miss him and regret reprimanding him.
First of all, the most important thing is that you are an imperfect mother, but you must be a good mother. A good mother will go to the Internet for help, so it's not your fault that a high school student gets angry when he writes homework, let alone a younger child.
Cut the crap and get to the point.
First of all, the main cause of the problem is children.
Children are children because their minds are immature, and we can't ask them with adult thinking and experience. The cognitive process of children's growth is divided into several stages in pedagogy, so I won't go into details (in fact, I forgot after taking the teacher qualification certificate). The stage that makes you most angry is that every child has to go through it, which is normal, not to say that your child is stupid.
The next step is to solve the problem.
The most convenient way is out of sight, out of mind,
Find him (her) a homework tutorial class, tutor, etc. (There should be a lot near the community and school), and let him finish his homework outside and come back, so that you can't see it. The teacher can also help him with his homework and try to keep the child away from the temptation at home (snacks, TV computers, etc.). ).
In order to prevent the child from "sneaking away", you can ask the teacher to take a photo of the child and send it to you (WeChat, QQ). The average teacher will not refuse such a request, after all, it is paid.
So the biggest problem with this method is that it costs a lot of money, but it is also my most recommended method.
If you must watch him (her) do his homework, there are ways to do it without spending money.
That is: relax and take your time.
The world is so beautiful, but I am so grumpy, which is not good, not good.