I just stepped into the threshold of 25 years old. Looking back at the 24-year-old, I really have never experienced so many major events, such as losing relatives, failing in investment, breaking up in love, dissolving the company and losing my job. If I had faced this two years ago, I just thought I couldn't face it. Now, even after so much, I can be calm and believe that life can be better.
20 18 after the Spring Festival holiday, I was lying on the train to Shanghai and received the news that you left us. The man who has been with me for 24 years will never call my name again. I never told anyone that you had left except a few good friends. I go to work as usual, have dinner with my colleagues and go to the gym as usual. Everything is as usual, as if you are still at home waiting for us to go back for the New Year.
In the eyes of others, I don't laugh often, and I always keep a straight face, so even if I frown and smile reluctantly, they won't think that you have left me. Although I sometimes cry in the middle of the night, I wake up the next day as if nothing had happened.
A year later, when people ask about you, I still say how you are, just like you are still waiting for me at home. I don't want to exaggerate the sadness of losing you, I just want to remember our warm memories, even if it is not much, I am satisfied.
I will remember when I was a child, you took my hand and went to the mountains to see litchi.
Litchi should have been a bumper harvest that year. Litchi is covered with branches, and we left some precious photos with you on the mountain. Actually, when I was a kid, I didn't remember it at all. Only the yellowed photos tell me that we have had such warmth.
You and your mother are both very hardworking people. I still remember many summers when litchi fruit covered with branches was the hope of our family of five. Planting lychees, raising chickens, grinding fish scales, cutting sugar cane and repairing dirt roads. You do all kinds of work to support our family. You don't smoke, you only like to drink, but you don't drink. You are very frugal. You have done everything for our family. You are really the best father in the world, but I have never praised you in front of you.
I will remember the shining light in your eyes and the proud expression on your face when you watched my sister and I take the stage to receive the prize in our primary school.
It is said that you can count from 1 to 100 when you are 6 years old. Among many children in the village, counting to 100 is very clever, so you sent me to school happily. I did well in school and never failed to live up to your and mom's expectations. Almost every time, he is the first in two subjects, and he can receive awards on stage every semester.
On one occasion, my sister and I both won the special prize in our grade. At that time, the teacher asked me to give a speech on stage, and the school specially invited you to attend the award ceremony. Later, when I grew up, you always learned my childhood accent and recited a few words of my acceptance speech on the stage: Dear teachers and classmates, hello everyone, I stand here today. First of all, I want to thank my parents for their kindness in raising me and my teachers for their education. . . Every time you recite these words, you smile and say, Sisi, that's what you used to say when you went on stage to receive the award.
I will remember the first day I went to high school in the city, when you sent me to school, and I will remember the first time you attended my parent-teacher conference in the third year of high school.
You are glad that I was admitted to one of the best high schools in the city in the middle school entrance examination. At that time, the farthest place I had ever been was a small town. You were worried that I hadn't traveled far, so I rode my motorcycle to school and we visited the campus together. You said this school is good. The teaching buildings and dormitories are all brand-new, and the school is big and beautiful. I was once again told not to live up to my expectations and work hard. You have said similar things countless times before, but every time, I can feel your expectation. Throughout my youth, I studied hard and went to college.
I will remember that every time I come back from school, you pick me up from home on a motorcycle. Remember, I sat behind the motorcycle and saw the white hair under your helmet.
After junior high school, I began to live on campus. At that time, the school was in town and I went home once a week. High school, the school is in the city, go back once a month; When I was in college, I went back twice a year. Calculate carefully, there are few days to accompany you.
Every time I go home, it's not half a year or a year since I last saw you. Once I went home, I got off at the intersection and waited for you to pick me up from home. When you came to me on a motorcycle, I saw that you were a little fat. You were so thin that I couldn't compare with your fat anyway. I called you dad, and you answered. You didn't say anything and you couldn't see a smile on your face. I know you should be happy in your heart, but we have always been used to deadpan. You tied my suitcase skillfully, and the white hair that keeps popping up in the black hair under the helmet keeps reminding me that you are old. But I never thought about why you became so fast.
Maybe you already know your illness, but you never told our children. That's who you are. Don't say anything. Even after living together for more than 20 years, I still know nothing about you. I heard a lot of things from my mother. Remember you, seldom laugh. I've never seen you smile. Maybe life is really too hard.
I used to be smelly and strange, and I always liked to sulk at you. I can't stand you sayingno. I've always hated you for imposing your ideas on me, and I hate that you always want me to live and do things according to your ideas. If others don't do what you want, you will be furious. At that time, I never had a good communication with you. I am angry when you are angry. I regret not understanding you well and treating you well. Even though I know you're doing me good, I still can't help myself. Many people say that I have good grades and am sensible. Actually, I don't know anything. I always know these things too late to be considerate and considerate of others. Why do I still can't understand these truths after reading so many books?
Now I understand your pain, your dedication, your silent fatherly love.
During your absence, I will continue to work hard to make my mother live a better life.
I have been working hard for you all these years.