The promotion and progress we usually pay attention to, if carefully quantified and decomposed, are ultimately to achieve our goals or expectations. Therefore, in the process of improving ourselves, it is very important to set and achieve goals, because if we fail to achieve the set goals or inner expectations, it is easy for us to give up our previous efforts and eventually achieve nothing, which is characterized by stagnation. To solve this problem, the most reliable way is to go deep into this problem, disassemble the steps, and ensure the correct behavior of each necessary link, so as to realize self-improvement.
There is no doubt that the process of practicing our goals is just a few steps: setting goals, measuring the feasibility of goals, getting correct feedback and optimizing our behavior. According to these steps, we can analyze how this problem appeared and how to solve it. In order to better illustrate this problem, I will quote the topic of losing weight, because the process of improving myself is very similar to losing weight.
How did this problem come about?
(1) The goal is not specific enough. No matter where you are going, the first step is to decide the destination. No matter how nonsense, many people still forget it completely. We set many goals for ourselves. We just make ourselves healthier and slimmer, but we haven't really decided what to do yet. We have our own wishes and many things to do, but how many of them really turn our wishes into goals? Without this change, our wishes only stay at the level of "hope can be realized". Some people call for losing weight every day, but they give up soon because she doesn't know how long it will take to reach what weight standard and has no motivation to lose weight.
(2) seldom analyze whether the goal is feasible and whether the potential risks are acceptable. "wanting to do one thing and being able to do one thing are completely different things", this sentence may sum up this truth. Some people are eager to lose weight and have taken action, but the later effect is not good and there will be a rebound. This clearly shows that when you lose weight, you only see that you will get a better figure and lose weight in the short term, but in the long run, what is really difficult is the maintenance stage after losing fat, which is the most difficult process to test a person's willpower. If I don't stick to it after losing weight, I will not only give up all my efforts, but also regain my weight obviously (this worry has been bothering me, so I can't break the fixed fitness rhythm now). Because of regular exercise, I am occasionally asked how to lose weight. I usually ask a question: will I continue to stick to it after losing weight successfully? If you don't persist, you will gain weight faster. As a result, they soon gave up. They may think that they may be fatter after losing weight than they are now, so they won't do it directly. It is wisest to maintain the status quo. Losing weight and fitness is a "no return". Once you start, you can't stop. Learning and progress are the same, there is no irreversibility.
(3) Lack of correct feedback. Feedback is a necessary factor for success. Without feedback, we don't know if we are off the right track. Maybe we seem to be trying, but in the process of trying, we just stick to a behavior pattern and never consider effective feedback methods. In the process of losing weight, we often weigh ourselves to see if there is any change. In the process of muscle gain, we often take pictures and compare them. In the process of reading, we write reading notes to test our reading effect. Once these feedback methods become a habit, they will correct their wrong ways of doing things in time and help them achieve their goals better, but most people ignore them.
(4) Doing too many things at the same time leads to scattered willpower and can't persist. Modern psychologists generally believe that self-control is like the muscles of the body, which varies from person to person and from time to time. When you have just finished something that requires a lot of self-control, self-control will consume a lot. Those who have made great achievements in one or more fields of life only put most of their self-control into the corresponding fields, and their long-term concentration has produced amazing results. Similarly, if we often do many things at the same time in our daily life, and most of them consume serious self-control, then the possibility of achieving our goals will be greatly reduced.
How to solve this problem?
(1) Refine the target and reduce the use of vague words or elastic words. We often hear the phrase "do your best", which means well, but it is useless because it is vague. What is the "best" degree? Are there any specific standards? When you can't answer these two questions, this sentence is nonsense and has no effect. When we want to practice a goal, the wisest thing to do is to define the goal, such as losing weight, "losing 3 kilograms in 30 days", such as reading books, "What books to finish in 30 days and how many times to read each book", memorizing English words, and "memorizing 3,000 words in 60 days and skillfully using them in your own English articles".
(2) Collect information from all aspects to determine the feasibility when setting goals. After the goal is clear, it is necessary to formulate detailed steps. In this process, we need to consider not only how to do it ourselves, but also the feasibility of these practices. For example, if you often work overtime, can you guarantee to go to the gym regularly and get up early every day to recite English words, will it lead to lack of energy and affect other aspects of your life? After comprehensive consideration, determine the feasibility of the goal. If it is not feasible for the time being, it is also a good strategy to make preparations in other aspects and postpone it for a while;
(3) Establish an effective feedback measurement mechanism by yourself, or get correct feedback through outside help. It has been four years since I started exercising in the third year of college. During these four years, I seldom went to the gym, and mostly exercised at home or in the hotel when I was on a business trip. During the exercise, you will often take photos and weigh, strictly record your exercise process, and even accurately record how many times each exercise is repeated. The purpose is to reduce your hallucinations and give more real feedback on your fitness effect. The same is true of reading. You can test your reading effect by writing an article or repeating the contents of this book to others. If the overall effect is smooth, you can think that the reading effect is good. If it doesn't go well, you need to watch it again. This is not a bad thing. After all, a book that you can understand once is not helpful to improve your understanding ability.
(4) Cut off things that are not conducive to achieving the goal and optimize the process of achieving the goal. In the process of achieving the goal, how can we distinguish right from wrong? The correct way of understanding is: what helps to achieve the goal is correct, and vice versa is wrong. For example, after work, we will read and study. It is wrong to go shopping and watch entertainment programs, at least it is inappropriate, because it will not help us achieve our reading goals, and it will also reduce the time for us to achieve our goals. After weighing, we should stick to reading and give up entertainment. Similarly, it is also correct to eat less greasy food and control the intake of high-calorie food during weight loss. Cutting things that are not conducive to achieving our goals, although there is no guarantee that we will achieve our goals, will significantly reduce the possibility of our failure.
Why overcome stagnation?
Most of us are upgrading ourselves and acquiring more and better skills. In the final analysis, it is a purpose: competition. Strive for better resources for the present and the future, make yourself live better, and make your understanding stronger (such as reading). Since it is for this realistic purpose, we are bound to face all kinds of pressures: the strange eyes of people around us, the scarcity of time, the limitation of our own willpower, the competition of others and so on. This process is not smooth, because it is to improve one's psychological structure rather than subvert and rebuild, and the pain can be imagined. Keynes said, "In the long run, we will all die". Since the final result is the end of life, this process is worth going through. Just like the classic line in Inception: Are you willing to give it a try, or are you willing to wait until you are old, full of regrets, and go to the road of death alone? So, give it a try, it's worth it!