2. The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again.
3. It was dishonest to eat when I was a child. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me, "Sixty years of hard work. I have no food. I never spit out my booger ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "
4. Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half a bag and throw up."
There is a family. The whole family is lazy. ...
Dad lets mom do housework, mom lets her sister do it if she doesn't want to, and sister lets her do it if she doesn't want to. ...
But my sister didn't want to do it either, so she let the dog do it. ...
One day, a guest came to the house ... and found the dog doing housework. ...
I asked the dog in surprise, "Puppy, can you do housework?" ? ! 」
The dog said, "I can't help it ... they don't do it, but they all want me to do it ..."
The guests were even more surprised ...: "You can talk! ! ! ! 」
Dog: "Shh! Keep your voice down ... or they'll know I can talk ... let me answer the phone ...! ! 」
6. Lele went to the zoo one day to feed the monkeys ... threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always put peanuts in his ass first ... and then took them out ... Lele felt sick and ran to ask the director ... why did the monkey behave so strangely? .. the director explained: Because.
Last year, a man threw a big peach for him to eat ... as a result, the seeds of the big peach could not be discharged from his ass smoothly ... He was killed badly ... so now he must put the food in his ass and measure it before he dares to eat it. ...
7. One day, someone found that the mobile phone was missing, and searched every corner of the bag and home, but couldn't find it. I sat on the ground depressed, took out my mobile phone from my pocket and sent a mass message to everyone: I lost my mobile phone. ...
One day, rabbits and black bears are taking a shit.
The black bear asked the rabbit, rabbit, what should I do if my hair gets wet by poop?
The rabbit looked indifferent and replied, What does it matter? I don't care ~
As a result, the black bear grabbed the rabbit to wipe the stool. ...
9.( 1) Colleagues were on a business trip, and local colleagues were hospitable, so they hosted a banquet in characteristic hotel private room that night. After sitting down, a dozen men and women have been chatting, and only one person is ordering. After ordering, I asked everyone's opinion: "The food is ready. Is there anything else to add? " In this case, in Beijing, we usually ask the young lady to quote the name of the dish she ordered. So a buddy in Beijing said, "Miss, report it." Miss saw his one eye, nothing happened. "Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent. Miss face flushed, still nothing happened. "What? Let you report that you didn't hear it? " Dude, it's really urgent. A female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, you should report one by one quickly, huh?" The young lady mumbled something and asked, "So, so ... is it okay to hold a woman instead of a man?" "poof!" A female colleague just took a long sip of tea and sprayed it all on the person in front. A dozen people laughed, and the young lady was at a loss.
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(2) When serving, be the first to mix with the pimp. A large plate of thin face was served, followed by several dishes of ingredients and sauces. Miss didn't pay attention when serving, and a drop of sauce spilled on a buddy's pants. That buddy is also deliberately teasing, pretending to be unhappy and asking the young lady: "What should I do?"
The young lady said calmly, "Whatever you want."
"What do you say?"
"What do you want to do?"
"What do you usually do here?"
"Why don't I help you?"
"Very good."
I saw the young lady quickly pour several dishes of ingredients and sauces on the rapier, holding chopsticks in one hand and spoons in the other, and stirring them with several brushes. Then he said to his buddy, "Sir, you can eat." The buddy stared at the plate for a long time without saying anything, and another colleague said "thank you" to the lady for him.
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(3) The main course is served-roast leg of lamb, a large plate of meat bones and a plate of salt and pepper. A Beijing buddy loves this mouth so much that he grabbed a leg of lamb unceremoniously. Click is a bite, and he eats and drinks. The young lady looked at it and said, "Sir, this should be dipped." The elder brothers looked puzzled at the young lady and then at the local colleagues. A local colleague said, "It tastes better when dipped in it." The buddy then stood up with a leg of lamb and clicked again. The young lady hurried over and asked, "Do you need anything, sir?" "ah? No. ""Then please sit down and eat. " The buddy sat down and muttered, looking at everyone, lost. Carefully hold the leg of lamb to your mouth and take a careful bite. The young lady added, "Sir, you should dip this." Buddy stood up, waved a leg of lamb and shouted angrily, "How to eat standing and sitting?" ! ? "
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(4) The table is full and the leader is coming. The house was full of greetings. The lady next to the party is very beautiful, new, inexperienced and quite nervous. Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" " Miss hurried forward and pointed her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, * * * seven!" Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say, "pour the tea!" " Miss busy "down" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7." Someone asked, "What are you counting?" The young lady hesitated and whispered, "I am a dog." Everyone was very angry and shouted, "Call your manager!" As soon as the manager came in, he put his hand down and asked with a smile, "What do you want to tell me?" The leader said, "Don't ask any more questions. Ask about the age of this young lady." The manager thought for a moment and answered according to his orders: "18 years old, a dog!" " "The leader smiled, and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue the massive failure of leaders. Miss and manager are like falling into the clouds.
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(5) After drinking for 30 days, I served a dish: "Stewed tortoise!" Everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Someone dialed the king with chopsticks and said, "lead, lead!" " The leader looked at the turtle's crazy shaking head and was unhappy. He didn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement, and he didn't want to go against everyone's good wishes. He tasted the soup with a spoon and said, "Good, good! Please feel free. " Someone said, "Yes-a turtle should have soup!" " The leader almost spat with anger. After a while, the soup was almost finished, and a round thing surfaced and asked, "Miss, what is this?" The young lady quickly replied, "It's an asshole." Everyone was surprised and happy: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!" The leader was happy not to hear the words of "bad luck". He called the young lady: "Give it to everyone!" For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, is this unclear?" The young lady said awkwardly, "How to divide seven people and six bastards?" Everyone looked at each other, full of delicious food, hard to swallow.
10. Once upon a time, a man named Shuang died.
His family cried sadly: Cool … Ah! ..............................
Passers-by saw it and asked what you were admiring.
They said, great. ...
1 1.
Chu Yang only had a pair of shorts when he was in primary school, and his classmates often laughed at him. In order to prove that he has a lot of underpants, Chu Xiangyang rummaged through the cupboard. Dad's underpants are so big that others can't believe them. My sister's underpants are just right, so he stole my sister's underpants and took them to school to show them off in front of other students. After school, Chu Yang thought to himself, Dad, Mom and Sister will definitely beat me up. I want to hide for a few days. So he stayed in the cement pipe by the roadside for a few days. Parents see ChuYang didn't go home for a few days, very anxious, then put a missing revelation in the newspaper:
"Come back! Your father decided to make his underwear smaller! "
"Come back! Your sister can't go to school without underpants! "
12. A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report:
"Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "
Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )
After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"
Now, please talk to the township head! )
The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" "
Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )
"Don't pickle, I pick up a shit to lick for you. . . "
Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . )
Taoyuan dialect is very strange and has a high ending. For example, "ju" is pronounced "pig".
Go to the propaganda department of the county party Committee first and contact the personnel bureau for an interview. The propaganda department called me to make an appointment and put me on speakerphone.
Propaganda Department: "Hello, are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau) "
The other party: "No, you are mistaken. I am not a person but a pig (Personnel Bureau), and my mother is a pig (Grain Bureau). "
I tried to hold back my laughter and my stomach hurt.
The next day, I attended the briefing of the county government. Roll call before the meeting.
Moderator: "Which units have arrived?"
So the participants signed up one by one:
"I am a wild boar (Public Security Bureau)."
"My name is Pig (Education Bureau)."
"I am a pig (post office)."
"I am a typical pig (telecommunications bureau)