Two years ago, on an early summer afternoon, my ex-husband Xu Hao and his cousin came with a large group of relatives, blocking me and my junior high school classmates in bed.
I felt ashamed and divorced my ex-husband Xu Hao despite his retention. In a fit of pique, Xu Hao began to lose his mind.
From then on, I can always see my ex-husband Xu Hao staying alone near a canteen on the street of our town. The messy hair covered his dark face. Show a pair of muddy eyes, dressed in dirty rags, always catch people and ask, have you seen my wife's notice, where has she gone?
The town is not big, just a few blocks, and everyone is gossiping about me, saying that I am driving him crazy.
Every time I think about this scene, my conscience is always condemned. Now, no matter how I make up for it, it is impossible to recover the harm I have done to him.
? two
Xu Hao and I were introduced by friends. At that time, I didn't call Xu Hao. He was a little slow and had some eye diseases.
I lost my mother at an early age and entered the age of talking about marriage. I don't know how to choose my favorite object. Subconsciously, I think my partner must be the romantic and elegant man described by Aunt Qiong Yao as the criteria for choosing a spouse.
However, due to the distant relationship between the two families, under the persuasion of relatives, they agreed to try to communicate with the simple and clumsy Xu Hao.
Xu Hao was slower than others since he was a child. In addition, he suffered from minor eye diseases due to injuries and was often bullied by other children.
Honest and diligent, he shouldered the burden of making money to support his family early. Since Xu Hao met me, she began to pursue me crazily, and she was always good to me.
He followed me all day, and whenever I wanted to do something, even the work that never slackened began to fall behind.
In order to cheer me up and even change my frugal style, he bought me whatever he wanted, took me everywhere to eat, drink and have fun, and saw him quarreling with his parents many times.
Originally, I disdained Xu Hao, but after a long period of communication and understanding, I felt it was not easy to find someone who was kind to me. I slowly began to accept him and his inherent defects.
Soon after we got along, we went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get a marriage certificate, set up a few banquets, and invited our parents and relatives, even Xu Hao's justified wife.
I remember that at that time, he never quarreled with me on the way to get the marriage certificate. He was angry with me for the first time that day.
The reason is that I want to eat three yuan a pack of prunes. He thinks that if I get married, I should give priority to saving, and I can't spend money lavishly.
Could it be that those responsive days are fake? Thinking about this made me cry, so I turned and left.
I have heard that if something unpleasant happens on the day of testimony, even if you get married, you will get divorced.
I don't want to get married reluctantly. Xu Hao apologized to me and said that I would never dare again. I'll do whatever you say in the future.
three
Xu Hao grabbed my hand and shook me hard, pleading not to leave him. He said that since he was a child, he was always bullied by his friends because of his inflexible brain and eye diseases. When I grew up, I was humiliated in order to make money and support my family. Knowing that it was not easy to make money, I broke a penny in half. I know I'm too stingy. I wronged you just now, and I will work harder to make money and send you flowers in the future.
I relented and finally agreed to continue to marry Xu Hao. However, this unequal love between Xu Hao and me has been eroding this family silently from the beginning. In this illegitimate marriage, I kept struggling to escape.
We have been married for about half a year. Xu Hao and I went to a relative's house for a wedding reception. I happen to know a friend who is a hair stylist and has just returned from Guangzhou. Knowing that I studied hairdressing in a barber shop, he said that he could introduce me as a hairdressing assistant, and the monthly salary plus commission was also three or four thousand. He asked me if I could go.
I was an apprentice for a while before I met Xu Hao. When I got married, he wouldn't let me continue my haircut for fear that I would learn badly.
A hair assistant is to help other designers wash their hair. I have some feelings. Before I met Xu Hao, I was an apprentice in Anju Barber Shop. After Xu Hao and I got married, I said that I was afraid of being taken away by others because I didn't behave well in school, so I wouldn't be allowed to learn to cut hair again.
Since there is such a good opportunity, why not make more money while you are young? Since you married Xu Hao, there is not much money left for him to do odd jobs except to visit his old mother.
Those promises he made to me have long been forgotten, and he is busy making money to treat his mother. His so-called virtue of honesty is now only a weakness.
When I just said this idea, Xu Hao turned me down on the spot. He thinks I can't learn well if I walk so far away from his sight. Hairdressing is all about selling dog meat.
After listening to his words, I was filled with indignation and pointed at his nose angrily. You are a poor selfish person, doing odd jobs all day. What's the use of relying on an honest and dull skull?
All you do is take the money and go home to see your mother. Look at me, what I ate and what good clothes I wore. I'm wearing my sister's old clothes. Now which new wife doesn't dress up beautifully.
For the first time, I lost my mind in public like a shrew, denouncing Xu Hao's weakness. He bowed his head and said nothing, letting me scold him.
Later, my cousin coaxed me into saying that if there was anything between husband and wife, I would go home and close the door, so as not to lose my upbringing and let others see jokes.
I am a proud person, and I don't want to let time waste like running water. I still have my dream to realize. I don't want to be stuck here and die like a fish on the shore.
Only then did I know that I was pregnant, and the child came to me untimely, so I had to give up the idea of working in Guangzhou.
Giving up doesn't mean losing your mind. After holding my daughter in my arms, I seem to have depression. I'm manic every day, and my temper is a little burning.
Since the first public quarrel, I have become more and more unscrupulous. I often insult him in front of my parents and friends, saying that he has no manhood and will not make money to support his wife and children.
After a long time, Xu Hao will come back to scold, arguing until her daughter was born, which still didn't relieve the explosive emotional state between me and him.
The heart that wants to escape is getting closer. My ideal is not to live in this town for the rest of my life. I want to be an independent new woman like my master and run my own business.
four
Time flies, time flies, and my little daughter is one and a half years old in a blink of an eye. I had planned to give my daughter several birthday parties when she was one year old. However, due to the embarrassing economic situation, Xu Hao can't even hold a birthday party for his daughter, which makes me feel more pessimistic and disappointed about this marriage.
During that time, my mind was extremely depressed and I lost confidence in people or things. In addition to making a negative energy speech in a circle of friends every day, read various articles on chicken soup for the soul to stimulate your disappearing energy.
Occasionally, the monitor of a junior high school classmate added me to WeChat and pulled me into the junior high school classmate she established. Maybe it's a newly formed group, and the students are all in high spirits. In particular, a classmate nicknamed Jane dumped a message in the group, which caused an explosive sensation. He said that if he couldn't find his lost first lover in the group, he would see through the world of mortals and become a monk.
I've been very unhappy these years, and I seldom speak bubbling in the group. Suddenly seeing this message from him, my heart suddenly trembled, like a ripple in a clear lake, which has not dissipated for a long time. Is it me?
Back then, when I was studying hairdressing in Anzhu, I was only about eighteen or nineteen years old. A classmate named Gu was working as a construction worker and happened to meet me in a barber shop. At that time, my face was covered with collagen, and I smiled and narrowed into a seam. I had fashionable curly hair and short hair, and I looked charming and youthful.
At the moment he saw me, I clearly saw his eyes, revealing a feeling of joy. So he let me live in Tongliang at night. It happened that the master also had an appointment that night, so I went to Tongliang with him to meet him alone.
It turned out that we were both shy that night. He was silent, and I blushed and embarrassed to speak. I said I would come to the store tomorrow to see how your hair was done, and then I hurried back to live with my master.
I am a girl who is in love with spring. I always have a lot of unrealistic romantic fantasies in my mind. I always feel that he is not the type of man I like. Under the soft curly hair are thin cheeks, small eyes and thin lips, which always look ugly.
I always want to ask the master to help me see if I can design his hairstyle into clean and sunny short broken hair. When the master told me clearly that his hair was too soft to be cut short and broken, I went to Chongqing on the third day and lost contact with him forever. It never occurred to me that one day after many years, I had an inextricable relationship with him.
I opened his head, and a handsome and clean face, neat inch board and clear and bright eyes suddenly shocked me. I can't remember who my classmate is at all. Out of curiosity, I made an expression in the group @ What's his classmate's name?
At that time, my head was a real photo, because I had a baby face, and times were different. I look as fresh and smart as usual.
After a while, a friend asked for a private message, which was Gu Jian. Ask him who you are and why I can't remember which classmate you are!
I'm looking forward to the other party typing a few words. "Remember that classmate I met you in Anju? I am him. "
Suddenly, I was happy. It turned out that he was the man I despised when I was eighteen. Times have changed. He has grown from a little boy to a big boy with warm sunshine.
I don't remember seeing this sentence anywhere. 18 years old people who don't like it, changed their environment, mood and age at the age of 38, and it's nice to meet you again.
I used to make an exaggerated expression, but it's nothing like you. Is it really you?
In this way, you came and I went and talked all night. He said he hadn't been married for so many years and had been waiting for me, hoping to find me and him.
……
From that night on, we talked late every day, and Xu Hao's increasingly uncontrollable temper seemed to be too light to restrain.
During that time, I became very happy. I hold my daughter in one hand and often smile stupidly at my mobile phone. I also took my daughter to the city for three days and didn't come back until it was dark. Because there is a person who likes me silently behind me, I am full of strength, I will not dance classical dance again, and I feel sad on the way forward.
Those relatives and friends are used to quarreling with us, thinking that I figured it out for the sake of the children, and I had a good time with Xu Hao!
? five
Time flies. In a blink of an eye, I have been with my classmates for more than half a year. Although Jian never forced me to divorce, I can see that he wants me to divorce and be single as soon as possible. I don't want to be so secretive about the person I love. I want to divorce early and be with him aboveboard. But what I didn't expect was that this day came too fast and swept me away like a storm, leaving me with no face to be a man.
On a hot afternoon, I leaned lazily in Jane's arms, drew circles on him and listened to his fast and powerful heartbeat. My daughter next to me lies on the inside of the bed, fast asleep.
Outside the window, cicadas on the walnut tree are singing one after another. We have just finished a fierce battle, naked and contentedly planning a better life in the future.
Suddenly, a quick knock on the door rained down on the security door. Xu Hao, his cousin and other relatives are shouting my name outside the house being built, bitch, open the door quickly.
Look around, empty house, no hiding place. There's nowhere to run. It seems that Xu Hao has made full preparations. He got dressed, combed his messy hair and shouted to open the door.
I sat on the stool indifferently, waiting for the storm to come. I didn't expect honest Xu Hao to bring a group of relatives to catch his wife's affair.
When the sword opened the door, he was knocked down by everyone. He can really fight back. He works as a coach in a gym in the city. Perhaps, he felt wrong and didn't fight back. I was distressed to see the sword that was beaten black and blue. I ran to lie prone on Jian's back, gritted my teeth and let them punch me on the back.
The noisy noise woke up the sleeping daughter, and she was scared to cry. She kept calling mom, mom, and her furious fist stopped.
Looking up, I saw tears hanging on Xu Hao's face. My heart ached a little, but I stubbornly took my eyes off him. If I had known this, why today!
six
A few days later, I asked Xu Hao for a divorce. Since the marriage in name only has come to an end, why should we be involved?
Xu Hao didn't agree to the divorce. He said he would forgive me. But I don't want to continue this wrong marriage. Swallows know the ambition of swans. I want to fly high against the sun like an eagle. Xu Hao can't do it.
Until the day I came home, I told Xu Hao that he had been waiting for me for many years. If God didn't see me, I would find her again with my classmates. Maybe I really became a monk. If you really love her, please let go and let me give her happiness that you can't give.
Xu Hao was silent for a long time, waved and told us to leave. At the moment we stepped out of the door, I turned around and saw my body sobbing and shaking. I hardened my heart, hugged my daughter and followed her without looking back, but my heart was bleeding. I thank Xu Hao for keeping me alive.
After this incident, Xu Hao's temperament changed greatly. Sometimes he is silent all day, sometimes he talks to himself and even becomes violent. He almost jumped on others several times.
On our wedding day, Jane and I left home and didn't come home all day. When his family found him, he was sitting next to the trash can, and his mouth was stuffed with what the trash can had turned over. My neighbor said Xu Hao was crazy, and I was angry with him.
Near a small shop on the street of the town, her ex-husband Xu Hao was wandering alone in the street, dressed in dirty rags. Under the messy knotted hair, there are a pair of turbid eyes, which always catch people asking, have you seen my wife's notice? Where has she gone? ...