The article is excerpted from "The First Reference Book for Understanding Men" Author: steve harvey Publishing House: Jilin Literature and History Publishing House Introduction: In emotional relationships, women are more insecure than men because she doesn't know what men are thinking. In marriage, a woman is more passive than a man because she doesn't understand the way men behave. About love, about marriage, about sex, once a woman is confused, she will ask other women's opinions ... [serial content] Everyone who knows me knows that I am an avid fisherman. I like sitting by the river or on the boat, watching the float out of the corner of my eye and enjoying this rare comfort. However, I prefer the excitement of the moment when the fish bites the hook, because I have to patiently fight with it and get it from the water to the boat. However, after catching the fish, there is still a very troublesome thing-deciding whether to take it home or throw it back into the water. This is also a very exciting thing, because my standards are very high, and few fish I catch can make me look good. Many times, I will put the caught fish back into the water and continue fishing. People fish for two purposes: either as a hobby or as food. In the first case, he will try to catch the biggest fish, take pictures of it, show it to his friends, and then throw it back into the water. In the second case, he will take the fish home, remove the scales and bones, hook it with a layer of sauce and throw it into the oil pan for frying. The contrast between these two situations is very similar to that when men choose women. Men are natural hunters, while women belong to the category of "prey". We always say that men "pursue" a woman and "invite" her to dinner. If they want to date her or get married, they need her parents' permission. In our opinion, it is not only legitimate but also natural for men to "chase" women. And women are used to this statement. Do you often hear girlfriends say "I like the way he chases me" or "I want him to chase me and send me flowers, which is the only way to make me happy"? Flowers, jewelry, telephone, dating, sweet talk-these are all weapons for men to "hunt" women. However, men still face a problem: what should they do with you after they catch you-marry you or treat you as a lover? It's like fishing. Should the caught fish be taken home or thrown back into the river? How you meet, how you talk, how you develop your relationship, and what you want from him will all affect the final result. However, the way men make judgments is very simple, and I will explain it right away. "Lover type" She has no requirements and restrictions on men and no principles for herself. Men can feel her domineering from a distance. At the party, she would sip Long Island iced tea or tequila, and then casually tell the man who was chasing her that she just wanted to "continue dating like this and see what would happen in the future". In the office, she may be an expert in network engineering, but she doesn't know how to approach men. In terms of emotional relationship, she has no long-term plans. Whatever happens, she doesn't care. In this way, once a man realizes that she is a very casual person and can be at his mercy, he will definitely take advantage of her. "Wife type" She knows how to hold her ground and never lowers her standards easily. She knows her attraction and how to use it. The way she treats people will naturally make men respect her. She will not be deceived by sweet words, nor will she easily tell others her phone number, or waste her time. As soon as she opens her mouth, men know that if they want to get her, they must promise her "price". However, they also know that for the man who really loves and cares about her, she will also care about and be loyal to him and maintain a long-term and stable emotional relationship with him. Note: it is not he who decides which type you belong to, but you. What kind of relationship you and he will develop depends entirely on you-whether he can chat with you, buy you a drink, dance with you, write down your phone number, take you home, and see you next time depends on you. Of course he does, otherwise he wouldn't have accosted you at all. However, whether or not to meet his requirements and how to meet them are entirely up to you. If you have the ability to grasp the situation, then he will respect you-or retreat from difficulties and continue to look for the next "prey." The process of interacting with men is actually very similar to work: the way to success lies in grasping and controlling what you can control. When I first set foot in the comedy circle, although I was ambitious, I suffered from lack of fame. I can only be a guest actor at the opening time of each performance, and each time it doesn't exceed fifteen minutes. Nevertheless, I know that as long as I treat these fifteen minutes well-I always appear on time, accumulate contacts and, more importantly, shine every time-I will become a popular comedian sooner or later. With the ability to make the audience laugh, I gradually upgraded from a guest actor to a "special actor" and then to a "special actor", and my appearance time gradually increased from fifteen minutes to half an hour or even forty-five minutes. Why can I succeed? Because I have the determination and ability to grasp the scene and control my performance process-in the end, it is this determination and ability that brought me success and made me who I am today. The same applies to you. If you know how to grasp the scene and control the process of communication with a man, then you can establish the image of "wife type" instead of "lover type" in his mind and finally get the result you want. Imagine-you are exercising in the gym, your sweaty skin exudes healthy vitality, and your red tight jacket and high-elastic shorts just set off your perfect figure. At this moment, a handsome boy came in. He is well-proportioned, muscular and has no ring on his hand. He stepped on the treadmill next to you, and the air between you immediately filled with electricity; He smiles at you and you smile back at him; You deliberately changed a treadmill, and he quickly followed; You two winked at each other until the practice was over-he came to talk first. "Look at you running well just now." He might say, look into your eyes, and then look down at your figure. "Very will keep in shape. Not bad. " Your reaction-the way you control this conversation-will determine your image in his mind. If you answer "the figure is for people to see" and show it to him on purpose, then he will start thinking about how to get you into bed as soon as possible and never come to this gym again. A simple answer, a gesture, is enough to make him come to the conclusion that you are the kind of frivolous girl who is easy to get started and get rid of. I can assure you that he will throw the bait next, and once you take the bait, he will continue to look for the next target. And if you answer "thank you, health is very important, I like sports", then he will know that you are not so easy to get started. Of course, this is far from enough to make him understand you, but at least it can make him clean up his frivolous heart and take this conversation more seriously. He may explain why he came to the gym, because it is a topic that both of you are interested in. Later, he may lead the topic to another direction, but no matter what he says, your answer must make him understand that what you need is a long-term and stable relationship, not just for fun. At this point, his reaction may be to turn around and leave. Some men are like this. They just want to have sex and don't want to take any responsibility. If he is such a person, let him go-what have you lost? He is by no means the prince charming you are waiting for. Don't have any unrealistic illusions just because the opportunity is rare. Women are smart-if a friend lies to you, if your child does something wrong, if your colleague tries to muddle through at work, you can see it at a glance; However, when dealing with men, women can easily become stupid-just because he pays more attention to you, he voluntarily surrenders and completely gives up control of the situation. What I want to tell you is that you should show your usual cleverness when dealing with men. If he doesn't have any long-term plans for you, whether you date him or sleep with him, you can't change that. Even if you are excellent, good at cooking, kung fu and independent (for him, it only means one thing, that is, he doesn't have to pay for you), he will regard you as a "lover" instead of a "wife". We received a letter from a female listener on pink stationery, which is a portrayal of this situation: I have been with him for six months until January this year, and everything seems to be going well. We went to each other's house at that time, but suddenly, he never called me again. He answered my phone and was willing to talk to me, but every time it was short. He had planned to travel with me, but he cancelled the plan. I asked him if he wanted to break up, and he replied "no", but he really didn't want me to disturb him. I don't know what's going on. I still like him, but I always feel that he doesn't want to share some ideas with me, or that he has found another woman behind my back-which makes me very unhappy. Obviously, he was just "playing" with her, and she knew it, but refused to admit it-she still had hope that he would change his mind. In fact, her best choice is to leave him as soon as possible so as not to waste her good time on a man who doesn't love her. Remember, if a man comes up to chat up, you must grasp the situation and let him know your bottom line: "I won't answer the phone after ten o'clock in the evening, because I also need a rest." "I like men who are punctual. If something happens temporarily, at least I have to call in advance to explain. " "I am not a casual person, and I will never sleep with a man who is not going to marry me." If he can't accept your bottom line, so be it, because it shows that he is not serious. If you have pointed this out to him, he still won't retreat, which shows that he is serious-he is not looking for sex, but a loving partner. If he can prove to you that he is fully worthy of your love and dedication, then you can safely give yourself to him. How on earth do men judge whether a woman is a "wife type" or a "lover type"? The following are several standards-1. Women who respect what they say and do belong to the "wife type". A woman who doesn't know how to respect herself, it doesn't matter if people play with her. She belongs to the "lover type" 2. A woman who dresses appropriately, is not too exposed, and can show her sexiness just right belongs to the "wife type". Women who are naked and obviously seduce belong to the "lover type" 3. When dancing, "wife-type" women are not allowed to be touched by men, while "lover-type" women are allowed to be touched by men casually. A "wife-type" woman will copy down a man's phone number without revealing her own. As long as a man buys her a glass of wine, a "lover" woman will tell him her phone number, mobile phone, email address. A "wife-type" woman behaves naturally and speaks appropriately in front of her future in-laws. A woman with a "lover" doesn't want to see her parents at all. 6. "Wife-type" women can cope with all kinds of occasions, whether in the office, parents' meeting, restaurant or stadium. A "lover-type" woman is either incoherent or too lazy to say it at all. 7. "Wife-type" women have their own long-term plans for marriage and family, and will tell their pursuers about these plans. A woman with a lover doesn't care what will happen in a week. 8. A "wife type" woman can't wait for a man to introduce her to relatives and friends. "Lover-type" women, men simply don't bother to introduce. 9. "Wife-type" women know how to enjoy life and take care of themselves, and often have a smile on their faces. A "lover" woman can't take care of herself at all and likes to find fault with others. She always has an unhappy expression on her face. 10. A "wife type" woman knows how to appreciate and appreciate what a man has done for her. A woman with a lover never seems satisfied. 1 1. A wife-like woman is loyal to the man she loves. "Lover-type" women are never shy about "cheating". 12. "wife-type" women can understand that men's motivation comes from three aspects-identity, career and income. She will take care of his self-esteem and make him feel that he is the pillar of his family. "Lover-type" women only have their own salary cards, and they are dismissive of men's career and income. (Editor: Feng Jiaxin) The article is taken from "Understanding Men's First Reference Book". Author: steve harvey Publishing House: Jilin Literature and History Publishing House More articles enter the book excerpt channel >>& gt