The reason is that when she came home from a business trip that day, she found that the house was in a mess, the floor was dark and dirty, the kitchen stove was covered with oil stains, the living room and study were in a mess, and all the dirty clothes were piled on the sofa. The flowers and plants raised on the balcony are yellow and dead, and some clothes are floating on the balcony. At first glance, they actually hung it there before going on a business trip.
Her husband is playing computer in the study with a cold face, and turns a deaf ear to the mess at home. The appearance of fooling around makes S very angry and wants to hit someone.
S fought back his anger and tried not to raise his voice: "Why don't you help me water the flowers on the balcony?" Are all dead; The clothes on the balcony have not been confiscated for a week, and they are all covered with dust. "
After hearing the question, her husband S was still addicted to the computer and never looked back. He said impatiently, "I forgot!"
After listening to her husband's answer, S really wanted to cry.
She is bitter, not because she feels tired on a business trip, nor because she cares about her own flowers and plants. She is angry with her husband because he doesn't care about the family.
At home, she waters the flowers every night, fertilizes them regularly, weeding and killing insects. It really takes a lot of effort to take care of them. Before going out, she was urged to water the flowers every day, especially those pots placed outside the balcony. If you don't water them, you will definitely die.
But he still didn't take it to heart. There are clothes hanging on the balcony for a week, but any man with a little heart will not be so lazy.
S's heart is cold, and she feels that she can no longer live with such a man.
Her husband not only refuses to clean, water the flowers, collect clothes, but also doesn't remember S's birthday, Valentine's Day and their wedding anniversary, but he remembers his parents' and family's birthdays clearly and calls to say hello every year. S thought, where his memory is bad, where he is sloppy, and he obviously doesn't love himself, he can't afford to live at all.
Although S is an economically independent woman, she just can't bear to divorce because they have been used to each other for more than ten years. Besides, the child just went to kindergarten, and she couldn't estimate how much the divorce would hurt the child, so she chose to drag out an ignoble existence in a suffocating marriage.
Many people think that only women who are financially dependent are afraid to divorce, but in fact, in real life, women who are financially independent are afraid to divorce everywhere. Although economic independence has given them some confidence, there are always some convincing reasons that make them unwilling to leave.
Another friend of mine, Zi Jun, is a corporate executive with an annual salary of several hundred thousand. Customers and suppliers often invite her to high-end restaurants, and she is very attentive. She is also respected and loved by her colleagues and subordinates in the company. She dresses up beautifully every day. To outsiders, she is really independent and beautiful. But this woman's feelings are barren because she can't feel her husband's love.
They have been married for fifteen years, and there is no topic of * * * and * * * for a long time. Her husband never sends her flowers or presents on holidays. I remember one time, her spine ached and she couldn't get out of bed for many days. Her husband didn't even ask except that he cooked for her. He doesn't care when she takes the medicine, whether it is good or not. He is not as good as an ordinary friend to her.
As for why their feelings have fallen to this point, there are actually traces to follow.
As a female executive, she often needs to socialize. Her daily contact is with high-income and high-quality men. Although he was promoted to be the technical backbone of the unit after graduation, he only knows how to work hard, and he doesn't understand or like socializing, and he doesn't like her socializing. Especially those nights when she came home smelling of alcohol, he didn't give her a good look at all.
He told her clearly that women should behave themselves and go home from work to teach their children. It doesn't matter if they earn less money.
She also wants to teach children, but the reality is cruel. The house and car at home need money, the daughter's private middle school needs money, and the usual human relations need money and daily living expenses. I can't handle this job without her. It is not that she doesn't want to relax, but that she can't do it at all.
This is the main difference between them. She is determined to make progress and is bent on making more money and improving her quality of life; But my husband is very happy, thinking that women should take care of their families more.
What followed was nothing to say, mutual disagreement, screaming quarrels, the cold war like the ice age, and the small world with their own worries. They have gradually come to the point where they have nothing to say and look on coldly.
To tell the truth, she is very wronged. No matter how much she cares about her family, it is also for the good of this family. Her husband is not only inconsiderate, but also keeps throwing cold water on her, which really hurts her.
Are they divorced? No, because there is another child.
Children are their weakness, and it hurts when they are poked. They all say that they are willing to endure anything for their children.
Many women are asking whether their husbands or boyfriends don't love themselves and should leave him.
In fact, when these women ask this question, they have asked themselves countless times in their hearts and told themselves countless times that they can only be freed if they leave.
But most of them, none of them have the courage to take the initiative to file for divorce. Either suffocate in a desperate marriage or wait until the husband can't stand it and ask for a divorce.
Are women weak? But when they work outside, they are afraid, angry with the boss and glare at all unfriendly passers-by. They have the courage to change jobs and throw away old clothes, but they just don't have the courage to leave someone who doesn't love them.
What the hell is this for?
Is it really for the children? Or are you worried that if you leave this man now, you will die alone and face all the storms and difficulties of life alone?
In my opinion, children are one of the reasons, but the real reasons are actually the following:
First, women are afraid of loneliness. Therefore, many women go to find female companions when they don't have male companions, and they don't want to be alone anyway;
Second, self-identity is too low. I feel that after leaving the man in front of me, I can't find another man to love myself;
Third, there is a tendency of self-abuse. Knowing that the other party is not good to him, he is reluctant to leave;
Fourth, I feel that I must find another one after divorce.
In the final analysis, the spirit is not independent, there is no self, and there is no confidence in yourself. This is probably why although women are economically independent, they still can't face the separation directly.
A woman in marriage or love has only two ways out: one is to leave; Second, stay.
But there is no regret medicine in the world. "You must kneel on the road you choose." Sometimes stubbornness is the shortcut to happiness. Even if you can't find something as good as your predecessor, you still left a man who didn't love you.
How important is spiritual independence? How can we achieve spiritual independence?
A woman who is used to being alone for a long time, she is never afraid of eating alone, shopping alone and sleeping alone; A woman with an independent spirit actually likes to be alone. She doesn't always associate with her friends. Sometimes she even wants to leave her friends and enjoy a good time alone.
In fact, when I am single, the biggest problem is mental emptiness and I don't know how to spend my time after work. In fact, this is the easiest thing to solve, that is, to find a hobby for yourself. Go to the gym, go dancing, learn to draw, learn to play the piano, join a shooting club, and join a donkey friends group. There are so many elegant and tasteful things, there is always one for you.
Moreover, I suggest that when you take part in these hobbies, you should be single-minded and professional, strive to make yourself successful in your studies, cultivate an interest that you can bring, surprise others, and add points and value to yourself.
Needless to say, there are really many such women around me. They are all in their thirties and forties, unmarried, rich and colorful, go to work on time, travel regularly and have their own hobbies and friends, but they are not as miserable as others think.
The most important thing is that they are really not in a hurry to find someone, and no one around them nags them to find one quickly. After all, people are much more enlightened now, and it really doesn't matter whether they are single or not.
Again, if you get married, you should communicate well with your lover and live a good life; If it's really painful, then you don't have to endure it anymore. Learn to love yourself, and you can love your children better. When you are single, you don't need to rush to find another true love. Managing yourself is more important than anything else.
Even like men, they put their feelings after work and friends. A person who works hard but knows how to love and is not so eager to be loved is most likely to be appreciated and loved.
In a word, women who are not independent in spirit, even if they are independent in economy, are unhappy. As long as she is mentally independent from anyone and ready to walk alone at any time, a woman will gain inner peace in self-cultivation.